Orion  The Hunter
by mpg
Summary: After being shaken out of the comotose state she's been in since Edward left, Bella grows angry and leaves Forks, seeking revenge for the pain she endured. Unexpected meetings and chance decisions change her life again and again. ExB/AU
1. Waking up angry

**Chapter 1: Waking up angry**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This story starts off when Bella is still in a semi-comatose state. The point of difference is that when Renee comes to take her & Bella flies of the rails she runs away. She is angry and wants to confront the person who hurt her. NOTE: This is a reposting of an old story I pulled many moons ago. I decided to dust it off, try a bit of a spit polish & see if I could come up with something shiny. _

_I have to give smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT and say massive heart-trobbing thank you's to Boydblog for being a super-beta and taking this story on knowing that it would be a complete fic before it was posted (yes I did say it's complete) and agreeing anyway. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped refine it, but I may have broken it again so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

Seven days.

It had only been seven days since my world imploded.

It had only been seven days since the sun left and darkness entered my life.

Seven days.

I hadn't been able to function. I was aware that time was passing by, but only as a vague notion—a strange concept that related to other people but had no hold over me. I didn't count the days by the number of times the sun rose in the morning, because the sun no longer existed for me. Instead, I counted the passing of days by the number of nightmares; by the number of times I'd woken screaming; and by the number of times the words _'He left me'_ escaped my lips, unbidden and unwelcome.

_672_.

I stared up at the ceiling, a break from staring at my wall, the only decision I was really up to making. Instead, my entire mind focused on trying to forget the few short minutes, and the few horrid words, that had destroyed my life and would haunt me forever. I wanted to be able to close my eyes and drift away. I longed to fall into unconsciousness, but was afraid to sleep. Dreams were the companion of sleep and dreams no longer existed for me–only nightmares.

Someone knocked on the front door. I heard the sound and tried to push it out of my mind. I had no interest. I didn't care who it was or what they wanted. It would no doubt be just another in a long line of faces trying to offer their support when I didn't want it. Visitors had been arriving all week to see if Charlie was coping; if _I_ was. In a way it was good, it gave Charlie a distraction from me.

_Distraction._

I shuddered and felt the sting as _his _words flooded back into my mind, '_Well, I won't forget. But _my _kind...we're easily distracted_.' I knew would have to strike the word from my vocabulary, to render it unusable so the pain couldn't sneak up on me unannounced again.

I heard voices on the stairs; one low and one high but both speaking in a whispered hush. If I had cared more about what was going on, I might have strained to listen, I might have even succeeded in learning more about their conversation. But I didn't care, so I didn't listen and I didn't know.

A soft knock on my bedroom door garnered less than a second of my attention before my eyes returned to their unfocused spot on the ceiling..

My bedroom door cracked open surprising me a little because the visitors who made it up the stairs never entered when I failed to respond to their knocks. Only Charlie did that, but he usually pushed the door open completely. The surprise settled heavily on me, working its way around the shell of emptiness I had created in an effort to stop myself from feeling. The shock of feeling any emotion other than the heartbreak I'd felt for seven days, was almost too much. It felt like everything was too much for me to handle.

My mother's face appeared around the door. The look of sympathy she wore broke my heart all over again, but no tears came because I had none left.

"Bella, honey, are you alright? Charlie says you've been having a hard time."

I didn't mean to say anything, but in one of those unwanted moments, the words escaped my lips without permission. "He left me."

_673._

"I know baby." She walked over to my chest of drawers and laid a suitcase on it. I vaguely wondered if she was staying for a while. She walked back over to me, sitting beside my legs on the bed before leaning over me and gently stroking my face. I turned to nuzzle into her hand, hating myself for wishing it was cold and attached to the only person who _could_ take my pain away.

"Sweetie…Charlie and I have been talking, and we both agree that it would be best if you come to Jacksonville, to live with me and Phil."

"What? No!"

I shocked myself that I was able to speak so forcibly, even if it only consisted of two words. I had wondered if _'He left me'_ was going to be the only thing I would be able to say for the rest of my life.

"Why not sweetie?" Mom asked. "I've missed you, and you're not doing anyone any good sitting up here in your room all alone."

"Charlie needs me."

I was getting better at the 'having a conversation' thing, although I realised I would have to work on keeping my emotions in check because my voice had a definite ring of hysteria in it.

"Charlie will be okay. Besides, he wants you to go to Jacksonville with me."

The words hit me like a block of ice and cold realisation dawned. _I'm not good enough for Charlie either_.

"He doesn't want me here?"

It was the second time in seven days I had been discarded. The second time in seven days someone I cared about didn't want me. A hole opened up in my chest and I couldn't breathe. I curled tighter into myself as I wrapped my arms around my chest to contain the tattered pieces that threatened to break free.

"Of course he still wants you here, sweetie." Renee's voice was soft and full of the sorrow I felt. "It's just that we both agree that you might..._heal_ a little bit quicker down in Jacksonville."

I tried to understand what she was saying. I assumed she thought sunny Jacksonville, the polar-opposite of rainy Forks, would be just what I needed. In Jacksonville, it would be hard for me to find an excuse to stay rugged up in bed under a pile of blankets. But she didn't understand me; I liked my excuses. I couldn't leave Forks. Doing so would mean that I would leave behind all my memories of _him _and I wanted to cling to every one of them, even the painful ones. Cling to them, never to forget a single one, but _never_ _ever_ think about them again.

Renee took a deep breath and stood slowly. I could tell she wanted to say something more, or to help me out somehow, but she was lost. She had no more idea about how to begin fixing the hole than I did. She walked back to my dresser, leaning heavily against it and taking a second deep breath. She looked back over at me for a few moments.

"It will help you," she whispered, and proceeded to place some of my clothes into the suitcase.

Once it filtered through, and I comprehended what she was doing, an anger began to build from deep within me.

_How dare she assume she knows what is right for me? How dare she make rash decisions that will affect the rest of my life?_

I watched her calmly packing _my_ things, and I became incensed. I used my rage to find the strength to stand, throwing my blankets off of me in the process. It was the first time I had done anything in the last seven days, and it was instant relief to have purpose again. I stalked over to the dresser, grabbed her wrist roughly to stop her hand. I pulled her around to face me.

"I. Am. Not. Going!"

My face was burning with a heat that I had never known. My breaths came in ragged pants. My numbness had been shattered and in its place, anger smouldered. In that moment, I felt dangerous. I felt like I could attack her. I _wanted_ to attack her. No…not _her. _I wanted to attack _him_. As useless as my anger would be in the face of his strength and speed, I wanted to find him and make him pay for what he'd done to me. _How dare he play with my emotions that way? How dare he lead me on and play 'pretend' like some deranged kindergartener playing house. _

I realised I was still holding Renee's arm, squeezing it tightly in my fury. As that awareness dawned on me, my eyes travelled to my hand where it was clamped tightly around her wrist. The skin beneath my fingers was white, the area around it an angry shade of red. I turned my face up to her to apologise, and met eyes filled with fear and concern in equal measure. She had never seen me like this, never thought me capable of violence. It was out of character for me; even I knew that. I gazed at my hand for a second before opening my fingers and dropping her wrist. "I'm sorry, Mom."

And I was, sorry for so many things that she would never know about. But most of all I was sorry for what I was about to do. A plan was forming in my head. I wanted—needed—to find _him_. _To make him pay._

I spoke again, trying to sound calm and in control, basically everything I wasn't. "I'm sorry, Mom," I whispered, knowing I would have more control over my voice if I kept it low. "Maybe I'll come down to Florida after all, just for a visit. Go downstairs. I'll finish packing and have a shower. I'll be down in a few minutes."

She seemed surprised at my change in attitude but I had to make her believe. I stared at her imploringly, silently begging her to allow me this.

"I'll see you downstairs in a moment," she said, touching my shoulder lightly, supportively.

As soon as her touch was gone, I felt terrible. I was about to deceive her in the worst possible way, but I had no choice. I knew what I needed to do; I just had to figure out the best way to do it. I quickly thought through my options. _If I leave now, where will I go?_ I wondered how to even start looking for something—someone—that doesn't want to be found. I had lost all links with _his _world. I knew there was no way _his _family had gone to California. That may have been the lie they told the hospital staff when they left Forks, but I knew better than that. _There was no way __they__ would move somewhere so sunny. __They__ preferred the North, the cold. Somewhere like Alaska._

I recalled one link. _He_ had told me about another coven; another family in Denali, just like _his _family, who fed only on animals. I knew _t__hey _thought of the Denali clan as family. Surely someone there would at least have some knowledge, some tiny piece of information that might help me.

I threw a random selection of clothes into the suitcase, trying to concentrate on packing just lightweight items, the sort that would be suitable for Jacksonville, not that I had a huge selection. Then I grabbed my duffle bag and filled it with all of my winter clothes. I knew wherever _they _were—wherever _he _was—would be cold and overcast. As I shoved my clothes roughly into my bag, sorrow over what I was about to do settled into me. Since making my decision moments earlier, the rage I had felt had simmered just beneath the surface, threatening to erupt again. The sadness and the anger battled for dominance, and I knew I needed to calm down enough to get out of Forks. If Charlie or Renee saw through my act, I would not be able to get away from them long enough to begin my search. _I need to find him_.

I reached under my bed and pulled out a roll of bills I had stashed away. I threw it into my bag, tossing my passport on top, just in case. I knew the money wouldn't be enough. I needed to get more somehow. A quick glance at the clock confirmed the bank in town would be open. I took in a deep breath as I realised I would have to access all the savings in my bank account—my meagre college fund. I had no idea how much I would need. I would sleep in the truck if I needed to, I certainly wouldn't be able to afford even abudget motel. But the way I felt, I would have walked barefoot across the country to find _him; _to get the opportunity to vent at him, to yell and scream and tell him how I felt. To tell him how angry I was, how hurt I was and just how much I missed him.

I raced into the shower. I enjoyed the steaming water while I could; _this might be my last opportunity to access hot, running water for a while_. When the water had run cold, I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around me. Once I was dressed, I crossed the hall to my bedroom and shut the door silently before sliding open my window. I threw my duffle bag to the ground below as gently as I could manage, before pushing my pillow and blanket out after it. I could only hope that Charlie and Renee were in the kitchen and didn't notice the items falling past the living room window. I took a deep breath as the realisation of what I was about to do hit me again. I stood in front of the small student desk Charlie had lovingly arranged for me and wrote a quick note addressed to both Charlie and Renee, apologising for what I was about to do. Then I said a silent goodbye to everything in my room, picked up the suitcase and headed downstairs.

I tried to rearrange my face into a smile as I took each step slowly. I thought I had it almost near the mark, but after seeing Charlie and Renee's faces I wondered how far off I actually was.

I handed my suitcase to Renee. "If you don't mind, I'd like to drive into town for a few minutes. Say goodbye to a few memories, you know."

Renee nodded. "I'll take you on the way to the airport."

"No," I said, almost too quickly. I needed to be calmer if I wanted to avoid being stopped before I could leave. "I meant by myself. Just one last drive in my truck. I really want to say goodbye to some of my friends on my own." I almost congratulated myself on being able to lie so successfully. It was easier to lie, when you felt nothing but anger and hurt.

Charlie and Renee exchanged glances, obviously concerned about my sudden shift in attitude. A heavy silence settled over the room. Part of me wanted to babble endlessly until I had them convinced of my lies, but I knew it would be counterproductive. Finally, Renee must have decided to trust me; there was no reason for her to doubt what I was saying. I was always well behaved and I'd never caused either of them any real trouble. Other than the previous week, I'd always been the adult in my relationships with both of my parents.

"Okay baby, but don't be too long. The plane leaves at one this afternoon."

I nodded. I couldn't trust myself to do anymore than that. A lump formed in my throat as I realised I wouldn't even be able to hug them goodbye. I turned and headed toward the front door. As I walked, I brought my hands around in front of me to hide the fact that they were shaking violently. I held my breath as I reached the threshold.

As soon as I pulled the front door shut behind me, I raced over to where my bag had fallen onto the ground. Of course it was damp. _Stupid overcast Forks_. I threw everything in the back of the truck before climbing into the driver's seat. I took another couple of deep breaths to steady myself before turning the key in the ignition.

I drove through the centre of town, stopped to fill the truck with gas and then drove straight to the bank. I knew that withdrawing my money, and closing my account, would draw suspicion from Mrs Stanley and she would call Charlie almost instantly. I knew I had just moments to make my break from Forks the minute I was out of the bank or Charlie would have the chance to catch up to me. The only diversion I had was that he would assume I was heading to California.

As I had suspected, Mrs Stanley gave me an odd look from behind the bank counter as soon as I asked her to close my account.

"I'm going to live with my mother in Jacksonville for a while, get my mind off things," I said to her, not hiding the sorrow on my face. I'd thought of a way to try to buy myself just a little more time. "I was planning on driving to your house to say goodbye to Jess now in fact."

She smiled sadly. "I know Jessica will miss you."

I nodded, and tried not to be too hasty when I took the bills she had placed on the counter. "Well, I guess I'll probably see you later."

I turned and walked out of the bank, heading for my truck and trying desperately not to break into a run.

This time, there was no pause before I turned the key, ripping the engine to life. There was no hesitation as I drove out of town. I watched in my rear-vision mirror as I passed the familiar sights, trying to stop the thoughts that came unbidden; memories of me and _him_ together in so many familiar places. Tears were rolling down my face as I reached the interstate, but I couldn't allow myself to stop. I was officially leaving behind my childhood, and leaving behind my family, to head into the unknown.

~0~

**A/N:- Some of my long-time readers may have read the original version of this. Overall the story hasn't changed significantly, but the writing & detail have been refined & shined. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's much improved over the original and I am really happy to be reposting it. I've spent the time doing all of the edits & sending it all off to be betad to try to avoid the waiting time for you, my lovely readers. I envisage posting once every few days unless something major happens in my RL. I could post it all up in a lump sum, but I want to give just a little bit of time between chaps for you to digest the story :)**


	2. The lonely road

**Chapter 2: The lonely road **

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_Also I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

The road ahead of me blurred as I drove countless miles. I had to bite my lip constantly to stop myself from howling out, but nothing could stem the tears that stung my eyes and stole my vision. Only, I no longer felt sad, so they were not the tears of sorrow that had been falling until that morning. These tears were because my tear ducts were hardwired to my anger; and I was furious. I was angry at _him_ for leaving, and for deceiving me in the first place. But most of all, I was angry at myself, for _allowing_ him to, and for leaving Charlie and Renee without even saying a proper goodbye.

The miles ticked by, and my truck rumbled heavily beneath me in protest. I had never been more alone than I was right then. Usually, I enjoyed my own company, or at least I had before I met _him_ and he filled up the lonely hours. But the isolation I felt in my truck, miles and miles from my nearest loved one, was different.

I knew why; I had never before been truly alone. Not in Phoenix when Renee stayed home while Phil travelled, there we had lived our own lives, but always in parallel. I always knew I had my mother to turn to if I needed her. Even when I was at the house by myself when I first moved to Forks, Charlie had always been a phone call away and if I had needed him—like when I had the near miss with the van—he would have been by my side in minutes. I had always known I could reach out to other people and that I had other people to rely on. I was always safe. But now, I was alone. I had no one I could rely on; no one I could turn to for help. This realisation brought fresh tears that burned as they fell along the salt tracks of their predecessors.

I reached over to turn the radio on for some noise to distract me from my thoughts, but my hand hovered just over the buttons of the new stereo. Just looking at the confusing array made my heartache, it was a fresh reminder not only of _him_ but of the family I'd grown to love. The family who had left me without even saying good-bye; at least _he _had given me that courtesy. My grief became too much and I pulled over for a few moments to let the tears slow from a constant, blinding stream, to the stinging nuisance they were before.

I finally had enough control to pull back onto the highway. Each time I passed a gas station I stopped and topped up the tank. I didn't want to end up running out of fuel in the middle of nowhere. The thought of being stuck alone in my truck unable to move sent waves of panic through me. As I drove I noticed the absence of any form of communication; despite never having desired a cell phone before. Then I remembered that even if I had a phone, I had no one I could call anyway. I wouldn't have called Charlie or Renee. That would be admitting I failed in my quest to hunt _him _down. I would be locked in my room and never allowed out again.

My truck protested heavily as I tried to push it past its limit and for the hundredth time my eyes searched the road behind me for Charlie's cruiser. Logically, I knew he would not expect me to head north, and therefore it was extremely unlikely he would magically appear behind me. While I couldn't stop worrying that he would catch up to me, secretly, part of me actually hoped for it.

I finally reached the ferry at Port Townsend mid-afternoon. I felt relieved because it was a milestone, an achievement. I was one step closer to Denali and therefore, one step closer to my ultimate goal. Once I had disembarked on the other side, I breathed a sigh of relief, but then began to sob silently as the enormity of what I'd achieved hit me. I had crossed my first physical barrier of my journey. It felt like I had drawn an invisible line that separated me from Forks. I continued on into the early evening, continuing my pattern of stopping regularly for gas to ensure I wasn't stranded some place terrible.

Long after night had fallen I found my head beginning to nod toward my chest and felt the burning anger that had fuelled me dip in intensity. I found a side-track that took me off the highway. I jumped out quickly, pulling my pillow and blanket from the back of the truck. I wrapped them tightly around myself as I settled back into the cabin and tried to get a little sleep. In the end, I had shivered my way through a completely sleepless night. I knew I could have used the heater, but I didn't want to leave the engine running because I could already see how quickly I was chewing through my paltry savings.

Two more days slipped by in the same seemingly never-ending routine; tears, gas stops and cold, sleepless nights. On the third night I decided I needed to stay in a motel regardless of the risk of getting found. If I continued on with as little sleep as I was getting, the greater risk was that I would end up in a Chevy pretzel on the side of the highway. The burning anger that had kept me going for so long, kept my adrenaline levels up, had all but burnt itself out.

I found a cheap little bed and breakfast just off the highway and decided to splurge on a one-night stay. I checked in under the name Marie Dwyer because I figured Charlie would have well and truly plastered continental USA with 'Missing' posters for Isabella Swan. I even paid an extra deposit so I wouldn't have to show ID. I was amazed at how few questions are asked of a young girl who is on her own. I think the kindly old plump lady—who was the personification of a B&B owner—was too relived that I was in a safe place to risk frightening me off. I must have been an absolutely frightful sight.

I took my one bag upstairs to my room. I didn't even take the time to look around, it didn't matter what it looked like, only that it was warm, comfortable and had a shower. My first shower in three nights. It was, in one word, _heaven_. It helped dissipate the rest of the anger I felt, which I wasn't entirely sure was a good thing. I needed the anger and the hurt to keep me moving forward. If I couldn't hold onto it, I had nothing to push me on. My rage was what had stopped me from turning around, returning to Forks and begging Charlie and Renee for forgiveness.

The hot water pelting onto my skin felt wonderful and the smell of the steam swirling around the tiny bathroom was like the sweetest perfume. I took full advantage, staying under the steady stream much longer than I usually would have. I even shampooed my hair twice, before taking the time to shave my legs.

After the shower I dressed and thought through my plans—which were vague at best. I knew I was about four hours out of Denali and would arrive the following day. I had no idea how I would find the Denali coven, but I would ask around and follow the rumours. I _would_ speak to the other family and explain that I needed to find _them_. I realised that I would need to get past my aversion to their names if I was going to be able to tell the Denali coven what I needed. I took a deep breath in preparation for the pain I was about to inflict on myself.

_I need to find the_ _Cullens._

I winced because it hurt even thinking the name. Whatever happened, I knew tomorrow would be an exceedingly difficult day.

I wondered if maybe the Cullens had gone to Denali before going anywhere else. I strongly doubted it, but a big part of me hoped that they had. There was one other thing I was both hoping and fearing to find in Denali–Laurent. I remembered his words before James hunted me. He had told the Cullens that he was going to visit the Denali coven to learn how to have a permanent residence. If he was there, it could make my task that much easier. He would know who I was at any rate. But what if he hadn't chosen to live their lifestyle? Would they have allowed him to stay if he still hunted humans? Would it be suicide, walking into their territory alone?

A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts.

"Excuse me, dear," the lady who had checked me in said through the door. "You have a phone call."

I panicked. _Who could have called for me?_ No one knew I was there. If Charlie had discovered my location, he would have already stormed the place; he wouldn't be wasting time on a phone call. Then I remembered the name I checked in under, and grew even more concerned. _Who could possibly know to ask for Marie Dwyer?_ I walked anxiously downstairs to the phone in reception. I picked up the receiver and heard a voice I had honestly never expected to hear again, despite what I was doing and who I was searching for.

"Go home, Bella."

My heart rate sped as I gripped the receiver tighter. I closed my eyes as the all too familiar tones washed over me. How I had been longing to hear that voice.

"Alice." I said. I couldn't manage any more than that.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing to Charlie?"

I knew. Of course I knew. "Alice, I..." The tears had started again and my sobs made it impossible to speak.

"I can see that you are upset. Bella, you can't just walk into a house filled with vampires!"

"But they're like you, Alice. _He_ told me that. They wouldn't hurt me."

Her voice softened. "Bella, you have to realise how dangerous vampires can be. I thought you would know that by now. Especially after..."

Yes, _after_... _After my fateful birthday party. After Jasper attacked me. After they all left._

"You promised Edward you wouldn't do anything reckless."

My anger was starting to build again. "And he promised me that it would be like he never existed. How could he promise that? He changed _me_ so much, Alice. How am I supposed to walk away from such an all-encompassing love?" I knew now my love was unrequited, but that didn't make it any less true for me. "How can I just forget that?"

"I saw the conversation between you and Edward. I know what he said to you, and what you promised in return. Please, keep up your side of the bargain? Edward wouldn't want you to do this, to risk your life just to find him."

"It doesn't matter how _he _feels Alice. I can't stop how I feel."

"How do you feel, Bella?" Her voice was full of sadness, and _resignation_?

There were so many possible answers to that simple question; angry, heartbroken, lost. In the end, I settled on a sigh and the only thing I knew was true and permanent.

"I love him Alice. I always have and there's nothing that anyone can do to stop it."

"You're not going back to Charlie are you?"

"No, Alice. I can't."

She sighed. "Your truck won't make it to where we are, not without you having to spend your last dime on gas. I'll meet you in Anchorage tomorrow. Try and sleep tonight."

_But you left too_, I wanted to scream at her. _You hurt me too._ "Thank you, Alice."

The line went dead.

That night I slept, and as I slept, I dreamed. Not the perpetual nightmares I'd been having, but a real dream. Instead of searching through the forest for something that I couldn't find, like in my usual nightmare, I was holding hands with Alice, standing in the sun. What surprised me most about my dream was that my skin glittered in exactly the same way as hers. I smiled at her, knowing that I could run to the ends of the Earth without resting until I found him.

I woke rested and peaceful.

Then I went downstairs and ate. It had been so many days since I'd had an appetite, and since I'd eaten anything other than the bare basics forced down my throat by Charlie.

I took a deep lungful of air, unencumbered by the pain that had settled over my chest the moment Edward had said goodbye. The hole wasn't completely healed; rather, I could breathe enough oxygen without having to think about holding myself together. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do when I saw the Cullens. I could only think about being one step closer to seeing _him_ again.

I packed as quickly as I could and bade a fond farewell to the owner of the B&B. As I left, I felt another sharp stab of anger that I could say goodbye to a complete stranger but not to my own mother and father. I threw my bag back into the truck, eager to move on to Anchorage. To Alice. To _him. _

It was only as I drove that I realised Alice hadn't told me where in Anchorage to meet her. I hit the centre of town early in the afternoon. At least the sun wasn't out because the cloud cover was thick. I pulled the truck off to the side of the road near the airport. I lay my head back against the headrest and tried to think about this logically.

_What would I achieve now that I was going to see Alice? What did I __want__ to achieve? Were my actions really about trying to tell Edward how much he hurt me? Just to vent at him? _I knew deep down that I wanted to be powerful enough, and beautiful enough, so that I could be one of his 'distractions'. I wasn't ready to let him go, despite the pain he'd caused me.

My thoughts were interrupted by a tapping on the window. I lifted my head and saw Alice. I leaned across and unlocked the passenger side door. She slid in soundlessly, looking me up and down. I couldn't help my reaction; I burst into tears and threw myself into her arms.

"Bella. Bella. Calm down. It hasn't even been two weeks since I saw you last."

I thought about it, surprised to realise she was right. It felt like forever since I ran away from home, and even longer since _he_ left.

"Alice. Make me a vampire."

She pushed me away from her. "Bella, please be serious. I came to convince you to go back to Charlie. He's so worried about you."

"I...I can't go back. Nothing you can say will make me. I hate that I am hurting Charlie, but me going back won't fix that. I was hurting him when I was there."

She sighed. "I know. I told Edward that. I told him there was nothing he could say or do to stop you from being hurt by his decision to leave."

"What would that matter anyway? It's not like he cares about me enough to worry how I would feel." Sobs wracked my body again.

"You shouldn't make assumptions, Bella," she said, her voice surprisingly harsh. But she pulled me back against her chest to comfort me. We sat in the car for an hour until I could control myself enough to stop the worst of the sobs. The tears remained though.

"I can see you're not going to go back home," she said finally.

I shook my head. "Not to Charlie's or Renee's. I don't care if _he_ doesn't care about me anymore. I know the rest of you did." I paused, maybe I was wrong about that too. After all, there had been a time when I was certain that _he'd_ cared. I whispered a soft plea, "Didn't you?"

Her voice was softer; sad and full of regret. "Of course we did Bella. We all cared about you very deeply. You know I considered you to be my little sister."

"Why didn't you say goodbye?"

"We couldn't. I'm sorry, but we just couldn't."

"Did _he_ ask you not to?"

She nodded.

"I want to see everyone again. I want to go back to your home."

"I don't know if that is a good idea," she said. "Jasper and Carlisle came down with me. They went to check into a hotel when I came to find you. Why don't we go and meet them? Then maybe you will go home?"

"Alice, you can see the future. You know I'm not going home."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I can't try to convince you."

"Why did you come and find me?" I knew as well as she did that if she hadn't called me, I could have been hunting for them for months—years even.

She smiled. "I missed you as well."

~0~

**A/N:- Thank you for supporting this fic! Thank you for reading & reviewing. Even if I can sometimes be a little bit fail in replying I do read & appreciate each one. **


	3. Waking up for the last time

**Chapter 3: Waking up for the last time**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

I slid over to the passenger side and let Alice take over the driving. She had just called Jasper on her cell phone to let them know we were on our way. I couldn't even pay attention to the streets as Alice weaved through the traffic, grumbling about my truck. I chuckled darkly; her words reminded me of _him. _

When we arrived at the hotel, Jasper was waiting near the entrance to the parking lot, a hotel key card in hand. He looked at me apologetically as he let us in.

The second Alice had stopped the truck; he pulled my door open before instantly taking two steps back and putting some distance between us. "I'm sorry for everything, Bella," he said, and I felt shame and pity wash over me.

"No, Jasper. Please, don't blame yourself. I always knew the risks and I accepted them. It's not your fault."

"Thank you for being so gracious," he said. Alice wrapped her arms around him.

"See, Jazz, I told you she didn't blame you."

I instantly needed to see Carlisle. I decided he would help me to get what I wanted; at least now I knew what I wanted. I'd known it since I first found out what _he_ was; although I wanted it for different reasons back then. Initially it was so I could spend forever with my true love. Now I wanted it for two reasons, so that I could punish _him_ for leaving me and so that I could be _enough_ for him. I wasn't sure which reason would be more justifiable when I saw him again, but it didn't really matter now.

"No," Alice whispered, her eyes glassy and her jaw slack.

"What do you see?" Jasper asked her.

She shook her head and came back to the present. "Nothing," she eyed me strangely.

Jasper took my bag out of the car and then led us to the elevators. "We got a suite," he said apologetically. "It was all we could get at such short notice."

He pushed the door open for us.

"Jasper, we need to go out and get some...stuff." Alice grabbed my bag from his hand and placed it on the floor before pulling him straight back out of the hotel suite.

"Bella," Carlisle greeted. His eyes were guarded and a little weary as he took in my appearance. I couldn't help feeling like I was being appraised by the doctor within.

"Carlisle, it's good to see you again." I was trying desperately to hold back my tears.

"I assume by Alice's subtle exit there is something that you want to talk to me about?"

I nodded and took in a deep breath. I felt as if I was about to confess my sins.

"I want you to change me."

A look of genuine surprise crossed his face. "Why?"

"I've wanted it for so many months now. You know that. I know...," I forced myself to say his name, "Edward didn't want me changed, but I understand why now."

_He didn't really love me, not enough to want me around forever._

"I still want it. I want you to change me."

"The last time we had this conversation, not even two weeks ago, I told you that it was between you and Edward." He seemed genuinely concerned about me. He stepped a little closer, I crossed my arms in defiance.

"But then Edward left me. Do you understand that Carlisle? _He_ _left_ _me_. It's not his decision anymore." I worked hard to keep the desperation and pain out of my voice, but I needed Carlisle to understand. I wasn't making this decision lightly; it was what I'd wanted ever since I'd known it was a possibility.

"Bella..."

"No, Carlisle. I'm not going to argue about it. It's my life and my decision. I am truly sorry to have to give you an ultimatum like this…but either you change me or I'll spend the rest of my living days hunting down someone who will. I know the hallmarks of vampires now, I know what to look for and I will eventually find one. Of course, with anyone else, I will be taking the risk that they might not be able to stop. At least if you do it, there's no chance of it going wrong. I trust you."

He sighed. "Let me think about it. I'll need to discuss it with my family, Bella. It affects everyone."

I nodded. "Thank you, for considering it."

"Bella, what about your parents?"

"I'll become another statistic; just another teen runaway who never reappears."

"And you're prepared to put them through that?"

I nodded again. "Unless you can think of another solution?" I thought for a moment before adding, "That still gets me what I want."

I turned and walked towards the bedroom, pulling the door shut behind me. I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I wanted to fall to pieces and sob, but instead I was going to shower and go to bed. I'd delivered my ultimatum, and I wanted to leave Carlisle alone with his thoughts for a while.

The next morning I woke to the smell of bacon and eggs. My stomach growled. I didn't care enough about what Alice, Carlisle and Jasper thought of me to worry about getting changed out of my pyjamas before going out to meet them for breakfast. I nodded at them in turn as I pulled the lid off the room service tray. I knew that they'd ordered it specifically for me.

Carlisle seemed to appraise me as I ate. "Bella, are you still certain of your decision?"

I nodded; my mouth full of egg and toast.

"And you're ready right now?"

The way he said that made me pause, it was exactly the same way Edward had once asked me. I realised he was waiting for an answer so I nodded again.

"Everyone has agreed that if you are certain of your course it is best that I help you. Like you said, there is no chance of an accident with me."

I swallowed my mouthful of food. Something he had said had caught my attention. "Everyone?" I needed clarification.

"Everyone at the house, except Rosalie."

"So even Ed..._he_ agreed with it?" _That can't be right._

Carlisle shook his head. "Edward isn't living with us at the moment."

I knew Edward wouldn't agree, he'd never agree to that. He didn't want me to be like him.

"So what does that mean?" I asked.

"Well, the three of us were talking last night. We know Charlie will keep looking for you. Bella, he'll never give up. As hard as it might be, I think you need to die. We need to fake your death, if you understand my meaning."

I nodded, I knew he was right. My parents needed to think I was gone. I felt guilty that I was going to put my parents through a tremendous amount of grief, but it wasn't enough to sway me from my course.

~0~

We prepared for my transition over the next few days. Alice shopped, a lot. Jasper flew to Seattle to arrange some fake ID's for me. Carlisle and I stayed in the hotel room and took advantage of Jasper's absence; regularly drawing just a little blood from me and storing it in the hotel mini-bar fridge.

Within a few days, we had enough that I would be declared legally dead by any doctor if they found it at an accident scene. Jasper returned shortly after with the fake ID and suddenly our plan kicked into action.

There was no time left to change my mind, not that I wanted to.

We packed my truck with all my belongings, including my wallet, cash and passport, and the blood Carlisle had collected. We decided the best way to stage my death was to make it look like I simply fell asleep at the wheel and crashed one night, only to be dragged away by a wild animal. Once everything was prepared, Carlisle drove my truck away from the hotel a few hours before sunrise. We didn't want any witnesses coming across the scene too quickly.

Jasper, Alice and I went to the airport to wait for his return. We had boarding passes for the next available flight to New York. An hour later, Carlisle walked into the terminal, with his clothes still in immaculate condition and not a hair was out of place. No one would have guessed he had just been in a head-on collision with a tree at 55 miles per hour.

We arrived in New York, where they had moved after leaving Forks.

After a few hours spent with the Cullens, hours filled with endless apologies, I began to feel uncomfortable and anxious. I'd made my decision and just wanted it to come to fruition as soon as possible. I asked Carlisle if we could just move ahead with the plan. If he thought I was being rude or abrupt, he didn't say anything. Instead, he nodded before leading me through to his study.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked for what was possibly the hundredth time. Each time he had drawn blood, each time I looked like I might have been doubtful, each time I woke in the morning, he had asked the same question.

I nodded.

"I have never done this when there was another option before," he murmured, as he administered the large dose of morphine we'd agreed would be used to accompany my change.

I looked deep in his eyes, trying to make him see. "There _is_ no other option for me."

He nodded and then sunk his teeth deep into my neck, quickly moving on to my wrists, then my inner elbows. He bit into me over and over again, each location giving me another acute pain to concentrate on.

~ 0 ~

The pain was worse than I imagined, searing though every inch of me. Being so accident-prone, I'd experienced agony in my life, but nothing could compare to the pain of transformation. Even the pain James had inflicted on me was nothing. I would take that pain a thousand times over the pain I was feeling now.

There was only one experience that could compare to the agony I felt now–the moment Edward convinced me he didn't love me. When he said he didn't want me and then the seconds, minutes and days that had somehow existed after my world imploded. That agony had been infinitely worse than how I felt now, except that had been and emotional pain, this pain was physical, every individual cell in my body burned.

I spent my time in agony trying to compare which was the worst. Just when I decided the pain of Edward leaving was worse, the physical pain I was in doubled. As the venom burned, so did the hatred and the anger; burning through me faster than I could comprehend. I hated that I wasn't enough to hold onto Edward as a human. I was angry that he had led me to believe so thoroughly, so completely, that he loved me. He allowed me to fall in love with him, knowing all along that he didn't feel the same way.

As the pain doubled again, I was surprised to find I was becoming aware of other things happening. They didn't distract me from the pain, rather my brain allowed me the capacity to feel pain and notice my surroundings simultaneously, without dulling either sensation.

The first thing that I became aware of was a shrill noise. I tried to pay attention to it. I eventually worked out that it was a voice, alternating between words and screaming. Once I heard the words, it occurred to me that they were the same as what was running through my head. They were shouting at whoever would listen to '_kill me, please; please end my pain'_ and shouting out Edward's name, as if he could come and rescue me, as if he _would_. As soon as I made this connection I knew it was my words screaming out to the world. Then I found, if I concentrated hard enough, I could stop the screaming.

Once the screaming stopped, I heard other sounds. Breathing. There were three people in the room with me. One was sitting next to me, with their hand resting across my forehead. I was surprised that the hand felt warm. I wondered if Carlisle had bought a human to watch my transformation, then I realised that was ridiculous, he would not put anyone in that type of danger. I listened closely, there were no heartbeats. So the group around me was definitely not human.

The more I processed, the clearer things became. The pain intensified again, but started to leave my extremities. My toes and fingers were now pain-free, but I couldn't rejoice in that small victory because my torso ached all the more for the relief I had elsewhere. As the pain increased in my chest, my heart beats became irregular; speeding faster.

"Listen to that," said one of the voices. _Carlisle_, I guessed, but it sounded so unlike the way Carlisle usually sounded.

"It's almost time!" cheered another voice. _Alice_.

"Oh, thank goodness." A motherly voice this time. _Esme_, I guessed.

I tried to remember their voices from my human memories, but I found that it hurt to recall those memories for too long. The familiarity was there with all the voices, but they were somehow so much _more_ than I remembered them being. I could pick up intonations and bells that I had never heard before. And the smells – I had never really experienced any of my senses before. Not like this. I couldn't even put names to the smells that I encountered now. As hard as I tried to run through all the experiences I'd ever had, there was just nothing that could adequately describe these wonderful scents.

My heart beat ever faster and the fire burned ever hotter; racing towards each other to the death of both. I arched my back and clenched my fists in agony. Then, with one final beat, my heart stopped.

I opened my eyes before snapping them shut again. In the fraction of a second they had been open, I took in _everything_. There was no need to wait for them to adjust to the light. The view of the whole room now filled my memory. I concentrated on what I had seen in the split second my eyes had been opened. Carlisle was indeed sitting beside me, his hands now resting on my shoulder; I felt the warmth of his skin against mine. Esme was standing near the door, far to the left of me. Alice stood behind Carlisle on my right, in front of an open window. Despite the cloud cover outside, I could see all of their skin shimmering slightly. I could see new colours in the light coming through the window.

I heard three more sets of footsteps arriving and found I could easily distinguish their owner's by what I knew of the family. Jasper's lithe steps walked straight to where I knew Alice stood, Emmett's footsteps thundered and the light clicks of Rosalie's shoes shadowed behind him.

I lay with my eyes shut trying to work out how I felt. There was something…different.

_Anger_.

The anger that had burned through me during my transformation, occupied the hole in my chest where my heart had once beat. A twin burn, matching the one in my throat that told me I was thirsty. I realised at once that I'd made a mistake, not in forcing a change because I was glad I was a vampire, but by coming to the Cullens to do it. If they knew the real reason I'd asked to be turned, it would hurt them. They'd all gone out of their way to make me feel welcome since I'd arrived in New York, and all I wanted was to hunt down a member of their family.

_I need to get out._

"Watch her," Alice said.

I decided to stand and suddenly, I was. I hissed at Alice.

"Bella, no, we love you. Please don't go."

I shook my head. "I can't stay." I waited for the tears but they never came. My anger just stung my eyes instead.

"Please," Alice implored. "Just let us take you hunting first; you'll feel better once you have your thirst under control."

I couldn't make up my mind. My eyes flickered between Alice and the window. Jasper must have felt the anger rolling off me because I could feel calming waves coming from him, but he still put himself between me and Alice.

Then I noticed Alice nod almost imperceptibly and felt arms constricting mine, pinning them to my sides. I struggled against the weight, twisting from side to side. My newborn strength gave me an advantage over Emmett. I knew it was Emmett; he was the only one who would have thought himself strong enough to even try to contain me.

As soon as my arms were free, I pushed Emmett away, accidentally throwing him through the wall. I leapt toward the window and threw myself straight through it. Alice pulled Jasper out of the way just in time for me to pass. I watched the floor rise slowly to meet my feet. It took a moment to realise how easy things were as a vampire. Moving just didn't involve any effort, regardless of whether it was a flick of the wrist or a three story jump.

"Just in case," Alice shouted out the window just as I saw a flash of silver. Instinctively my hand flicked out and I caught what she had thrown to me. It was a cell phone.

I turned and ran for the nearest safe harbour I could see; a forest just a few miles away from their house.

~0~

**A/N:- Thank you to everyone who is still with me ;) those who can't remember\haven't read this story & those that have. An extra thank-you to those who have reviewed & told me what they think. I am trying to work close to canon so Bella is going to be Bella, hence her easy forgiveness of Alice. **

**Next update will hopefully be Easter Monday (Australian time). **


	4. First Hunt

**Chapter 4: First Hunt**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

I ran as far and as fast as I could, not stopping even once to look back at the Cullens house. I knew that by leaving them I had put myself in a bad situation. I had nothing. No money, no clothes, no truck—although I was probably infinitely faster than my truck anyway. I did however have the cell phone that Alice had thrown me. I slid it into my pocket, holding onto it just in case. That, at least, might come in handy. I was ashamed that for the second time in less than a month, I had run from those I loved without even saying goodbye.

I couldn't stay with the Cullen's. The instant I had woken I had realised that. The truth of the matter was that I wanted to find Edward and make him suffer as I had. Part of me still loved him and always would, but a bigger part of me, the dominant part that had been awoken during my transformation, wanted him to hurt. It would have been impossible to stay even a single day with his family with those thoughts. I was too horrible a liar. I couldn't smile and pretend that everything was okay when I was thinking of ways to make the one who hurt me suffer. Besides, I knew that no matter how strained things might have been between them at the moment, none of his family would have wanted to see him hurt. In the split second after I'd woken, when I'd seen the faces of his sister and parents, I felt guilty about the pain I would cause them if something did happen.

As I continued to run through the ever-changing forest, ducking across rivers when I needed to in order to stay away from all humans, I thought about my predicament some more. I quickly made a mental list of everything I needed in order to survive for any length of time. I needed money, ID, clothes—at least one other set—and I needed to hunt. The monster inside whispered eagerly to me that I could satisfy so many of those needs at once. The insidious thought that I could hunt a human crept through my brain and ignited the burn in my throat. If I selected appropriately, a human could satisfy at least three of my needs. The ache flamed stronger at the thought of consuming human blood. I was repulsed and excited by the idea. I couldn't even begin to imagine what human blood would smell like to my awakened senses, but somehow my new body seemed to understand what would satisfy it far more than my mind ever could. It was the ache, and the knowledge that human blood was the only thing that could sate it, that made up my mind.

I knew the Cullen's wouldn't approve. In fact, I was sure Carlisle already hated himself for agreeing to change me without adding the loss of another human life to the mix. I hoped Alice wouldn't tell him what I was about to do. I considered calling her to beg her not to, but I knew she would try to talk me out of it and the monster within me resisted. I considered disposing of the phone; Alice wouldn't be able to call me if I threw it away. Part of me knew she wouldn't call; at least not now. I thought she wouldn't even try to stop me unless she could see some chink in my armour. She would let me make my mistakes and then would be there for me when or if I was ready to return. If she called at all it would be only to appease Carlisle. Of all the Cullen's, Alice and Jasper would be most understanding of what was about to happen. I hoped that understanding would be enough to keep their trust.

I hid out in the forest waiting for nightfall. As the light faded I was surprised that my sight didn't dim, everything was just as clear as before, except now the world had taken on rich new hues. Once I was certain the sun had sunk far enough that I could venture out unnoticed, I walked into the nearest town. I didn't breathe as I walked through the streets. I wanted to find the perfect prey for my first hunt. I found a nightclub with pounding beats poured from the doors. It was the perfect place to find my first victim. I wanted to find a girl roughly my own size, someone whose clothes would fit; I wanted to kill two birds so to speak. But then I saw _him_.

I could have missed him easily if not for his hair. It was copper-coloured and styled in a loose carefree way almost like Edward's. He was well-built, his long arms sinewy with muscle that bulked across his bicep. His body seemed to radiate heat and I could almost taste the warm liquid pumping thickly through the vein in his neck.

He turned to scan the crowd with clear green eyes. He wasn't nearly as beautiful as Edward, but he was a very good human approximation. I knew I had to have him and hoped that I could still accomplish two things with one kill. I could get some modicum of payback on Edward—even if he would never feel it—and I could satisfy the ache in my throat. I stood staring at the not-quite-Edward for slightly longer than was necessary and he noticed my evaluation. I must have looked pleased, and interested.

"Whoa! Hey there, good looking," he said to me with a slight wink. I could tell that his voice, while pleasant, was not as melodic as Edward's would be, even though I'd never heard Edward with my heightened senses.

He walked a little closer and I could smell his blood, it _was_ mouth-watering, but still, it had nothing on even my human memory of Edward's scent. I was fascinated by this green-eyed beauty. He stared appraisingly for a moment, before stepping even closer and meeting my eyes. He grinned. "Those are some awesome contacts you have. My ex used to have the cats-eye ones – she'd have killed for a pair of those though."

At first I giggled because of his choice of words; killing was exactly what you needed to do for eyes like mine. But then his statement made me curious about my eyes and my looks in general. I hadn't seen myself at all since I had woken. I scanned quickly for a reflective surface and when I found one I gasped. My eyes were a brilliant blood red, the irises standing in stark contrast to the dark pupil and extreme white surrounds. My face was stunningly beautiful, much more so than I ever thought I could look. I smiled more brilliantly, and I saw each of my razor sharp teeth gleaming brightly back at me. I examined my own reflection and although it felt like it took a while for me to process my new looks, my evaluation was brief enough that my victim didn't notice.

I smiled at him. "Me too, from the very first time I saw them I knew what I wanted." It was true—the first time I had seen blood red eyes was when I met James, Victoria and Laurent. And although I didn't want to be like them then, it was then that I realised I wanted to be with Edward forever.

I froze as the thought ran through my mind. I could almost see the worry etched on Edward's face as he held me after rescuing me from James. The concern in his voice had sounded so real. It was only now that I knew how fake and insincere he'd actually been. He'd cared for me I guess, in his own twisted way, but I wasn't who he wanted beside him forever.

Not-quite-Edward moved another step closer, causing me to defrost. _This is going to be easy._

"What's your name?" he asked.

_Um, think...quickly._ "Marie." It was easy to give a fake name because I couldn't be Bella and do what I was going to do; Bella _wouldn't_ do this. I was overwhelmed by the scents in the bar. I needed to leave very soon to avoid a massacre. It was only the fact that I knew I would be feasting before long that allowed me to retain any measure of control.

"Hi Marie, I'm Theodore, but my friends call my Teddy."

I froze, dull human images of Emmett calling Edward 'Eddie', came into my mind. I thawed again just as quickly. I smiled as warmly as I could manage before turning to look at the door.

"Do you want to get out of here, Teddy?"

He was shocked at how forward I seemed. Then he smirked. "Why? Let's stay for a drink or two."

I shook my head. "It's a bit...crowded in here." Another human recollection, _Edward telling me La Push beach was too crowded._

He looked toward his friends, they all seemed to be silently encouraging him to follow me. Yet I could hear them talking to each other and clearly they all thought I was a great 'piece of ass'.

Teddy turned back to me. "Sure, why not?"

I led him out of the bar and onto the street.

"Do you have a car?" he asked me.

_Crap._ I quickly came up with another lie. "No," I said smoothly, trying my hand at my newly acquired skill. "I got a ride with some friends, but they went on without me."

"Do you want to ride with me?" A third recollection hit me; _Edward in my driveway the morning after our fateful night in Port Angeles._ I remembered how I felt that morning, so freshly in love. I stared at the man who looked so similar, but was completeley different to Edward. His facial expressions were almost the same even though his face still didn't hold quite the same attraction. I felt my throat burn with desire for his blood. It made me consider just how much control Edward had possessed every minute he was with me. I was overwhelmed with compassion in that moment; compassion for Edward, the one who had hurt me so badly. Staring at Teddy, I felt a swelling of love and I couldn't help myself. I reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling his lips to mine.

It made my desiccated throat burn. My jaw locked and I ached to kiss just a little lower, to sink my teeth into his flesh and drink deeply. But equally aching was the part of my heart that I'd thought was dead. It was screaming at me for cheating on Edward by kissing another man. Shouting that if I drank his blood I would be cheating further; cheating myself, Edward, and his family. They went to so much effort to keep humans safe, to keep _me_ safe. In the end, I had manipulated Carlisle into changing me by playing on the fact that he loved me as a daughter and wouldn't want me to risk my human life in the hands another vampire. If I drank Teddy's blood, I would be betraying them all.

I realised, despite the conflict raging in my head, that I was still kissing Teddy. His lips parted and his breathing sped. He twisted one hand in my hair and used the other to pull my body closer to his. He was so clouded by alcohol and lust that he didn't even seem to notice how frigid my skin was_._ I breathed deeply, meaning to gather the strength to push him away, but it was a mistake. His scent hit me again; I imagined it was even more potent than mine ever was to Edward, so powerful because I was so new and so thirsty.

I broke our kiss off, moving my lips down his jaw towards his neck. I pulled my lips back from my teeth, taking a second to imagine what it would feel like to force my teeth through the delicate skin of his neck and taste the sweet ambrosia of his life-blood. I knew from what Edward had told me that vampire teeth cut through skin like butter. I wouldn't even have to apply any real pressure. In fact, I would probably need to be careful not to tear him apart too much.

"Teddy!" One of his friends called from the entry to the club.

Teddy turned away from me to look, allowing fresh, untainted air to pass between us. I could still feel the pull of his blood, but that fresh air, inhaled through my mouth and nose made me strong enough to turn and run. _Just_.

I took no care to try to pass as a human as I ran. I doubted anyone would even see me in the darkness anyway, but if they had, I would have appeared as nothing more substantial than a ghost to them.

As soon as I reached the safety of the forest again, I allowed my senses to take over. When I did, I could smell an earthy, musky scent pulsating somewhere to the west of me. It didn't even come close to being appetizing. It was definitely not as appealing as Teddy's scent had been and the idea of feasting on whatever beast it belonged to, turned my stomach. For a brief second I hesitated, planning on running straight back to town and picking up where I left off, but when I took a step in that direction Edward's face filled my vision. _He wouldn't want this for me. He never wanted this life for me, but he definitely wouldn't want me to become a soulless monster by feeding on humans_. I decided to chase after the earthy scent.

I had no idea how to hunt, and made a mess of my first attempt.

After scattering the small herd, I had chased down and fed on a number of the poor beasts leaping quickly from animal to animal and leaving them undrained and in pain. My instincts had taken over eventually, even though the taste in my mouth had made me feel nauseous.

By the time I'd finished, there was sticky blood in my hair and all over my clothes. Worse, the deer I'd taken down left me feeling full but unsatisfied, especially with the memory of Teddy's scent in my head.

I sat staring at my blood-slicked hands and thought about the last month of my life. I couldn't logically track my progress from being so happy and so in love—so certain of that love—to being what I was. I was a monster with no family and no love. I had nothing left in the world, and forever to suffer. I wanted the comforts of my childhood and I longed for Renee or Charlie. My chest heaved as I realised I didn't even know if my truck had been found yet. _Do they know I am dead?_ I broke down in tearless sobs. I sat on the forest floor pulling my knees close to my chest and wrapping my arms tightly around myself. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the world. I wondered if I could sit and stay in that position forever.

It was impossible to know how long I had been sitting for when I felt arms wrap around me tenderly.

"It's OK, Bella," a soft voice whispered. Alice had found me. "If it's any consolation, I'm so very proud of you. I wouldn't have hated you if you had…slipped, but I saw the way you ran when you had that boy in easy range. I know how hard that was for you."

I pressed my face into her shoulder. "Do they hate me?"

"No." She sounded sincere when she said it. "I mean, Emmett is a little miffed that you got away from him so easily. He's desperate for a rematch."

I chuckled. Alice stood and pulled me upright.

"But they definitely don't hate you. They've all been there before and they know what it's like. If anything they'll be as proud as I am about what you did today."

I nodded before falling into her. She supported me, leading me into a motel room, via the back entrance. She pushed me into the bathroom so that I could wash off the sticky mess covering my body. I was surprised how different the shower felt now, how I could tell the difference in the minute degrees of the water as it hit my back. I didn't really matter whether it was cool or hot, it all felt warm to my now ice-cold body. Yet, even if I turned the temperature to a scalding level, it didn't burn my granite skin.

I dried myself off, noticing Alice had been in and laid out some fresh clothes for me. I pulled on the sensible underwear, jeans and shirt.

"Alice?" I asked, wandering back into the main room of the motel while drying my hair with a towel. I hated how completely domestic it felt, I didn't feel like I deserved it after everything I had done and put my parents through. I'd had my time to clean and recover; now I needed to know about my family. I was about to ask the rest of the question when Alice rendered it unnecessary.

She closed her eyes and whispered, "Yes, Charlie knows about the truck. They found it earlier today. The local police have pretty much assumed what we thought they would."

I nodded, feeling numb. I had known it was only a matter of time, but hearing that he now considered me dead was still hard to accept. "Is he OK? Is Renee?"

"He's devastated. I always said that it would kill him to lose you." She spoke softly, trying to protect me from the brutal truth in her words, but not trying to hide it from me either.

I winced as I thought about the pain he must be in.

"Bella, he has supportive friends, and Renee is still in Forks. Phil is going to join them shortly. They've both agreed you should be commemorated in your hometown. The memorial is in a few days."

We sat in silence while I digested her news and thought about the consequences. I kept coming back to the same conclusion. "Is it really morbid that I want to go?"

She chuckled. "It is a little, yeah. I don't really think it would be a good idea though."

I knew she was right, but part of me wanted to be there for Renee and Charlie, even if they would never know I was.

She closed her eyes as she got a vision that no doubt told her what I was going to say next.

"I'm going to go, Alice. I'll hide in the forest and watch from a distance." I expected her to tell me that it was impossible, that I wouldn't be able to control myself.

She sighed. "I'd offer to come with you, but Charlie is going to blame us for what happened, so I don't think anyone from my family would be welcome."

"You know this is something I need to do by myself."

She nodded. "Here." She threw me a bag.

I opened it to find jeans and T-shirts in my size together with the fake IDs Jasper had organised and a sizable wad of cash.

"What no designer dresses?" I joked.

Alice laughed; it amazed me just how much it tinkered like bells. "No, I didn't think they would be suited for roughing it, but if you prefer..."

"You know I don't, Alice."

She pulled me into a tight embrace. "Take care of yourself Bella, and if the phone rings, answer it. I might have something vitally important to tell you."

I smiled at her. "Thanks. For everything."

~0~

**A/N: - Hope everyone who celebrates it had a great Easter. Hope everyone who doesn't had a great weekend. **


	5. Forks in the Road

**Chapter 5: Forks in the road **

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

I turned to leave, but Alice threw something to me. I caught the item and looked across to her with a confused expression.

"You'll need those." She motioned to the car keys I was holding. "Unless you plan on running the whole way?"

"What if I was?" I hadn't given much thought to how to get to Forks, only that I needed to go back.

"Well, it would be less conspicuous in a car."

"But you've given me so much already." I held up the bag, almost feeling the money weighing it down. It was so much more than I'd ever expected, more than I really wanted, but I couldn't say no to it because I wasn't sure how far I would get without it.

"Consider the car a loaner. We'll want it back when you're finished in Forks."

I sighed, knowing there was no point arguing with Alice.

"Fine. Where is it?"

"Follow me."

I trailed Alice back to the edge of the forest where I saw a car that was very familiar. "But Alice, this is Carlisle's car."

"He won't mind, trust me." She tapped her forehead. I knew she meant it to indicate her visions of the future, but there was something so familiar about the way she did it. It reminded me again of Edward, of the night in the car when we first discussed what he was, the first night that the walls came down between us.

My face must have registered my pain because Alice gave me an odd look.

"Sorry, you just reminded me of...something." I stepped away from her toward the car.

"Like the boy did earlier?"

"What?" I turned sharply as I opened on the car door.

"You had the same look on your face a couple of times then."

I shook my head to deny it.

"Bella," Alice seemed to struggle with how to word her next statement. "I noticed how much he looked like Edward."

I opened my mouth to talk, but she continued.

"I know you saw it too. I think that's why you led him outside."

I frowned, I really wasn't sure I was okay with her guessing so much about my thought process when it came to leading Teddy to the slaughter.

Alice seemed to struggle for words again, but when she found them, she had a new conviction in her tone. "I'm really sorry for what Edward did Bella. I know it hurt you. But there are a few things about it that you have to understand—"

I didn't hear what I had to understand, because I was already in the car and accelerating off down the road. I couldn't hear what she was going to say. I couldn't stand around and idly discuss my rejection by the one man I had loved. I may not have been able to cry anymore, but that would have broken me. As I drove away, my eyes flicked to the rear view mirror involuntarily and I saw Alice shaking her head sadly. She was mouthing something at me, but my eyes wouldn't process it correctly. It almost looked like she was trying to say, 'He still loves you', but I knew that wasn't right. _He doesn't want me. I'm not good enough for him._

I focussed my eyes back to the road again, anxious to escape the craziness that my mind had dreamt up. If only what I imagined her mouthing was true, but if it was, Edward would _never_ have left me.

I sighed, because I was on yet another road trip, and again it was under less than perfect conditions. Except this time I wasn't running away, I was running back. This time, my car wasn't limited to 55 mph and didn't chew through a tank of fuel every few hours. Eventually though, I did need to stop. When Alice had given me the keys, and when I had accepted her generous offer, I hadn't stopped to think about the necessity of getting gas. I didn't think about the possibility of an enforced proximity to humans. I tried to remember what I could of conversations with Edward. I hoped I was making the right decision when I choosing to simply try holding my breath.

I took one deep breath before pushing the car door open. I started to fill the tank, wishing I had a credit card so I could have just swiped and gone. Instead, I had the ridiculous wads of cash Alice had given me and was going to have to go inside to pay. It meant going into an enclosed space with circulated air conditioning and a handful of people. I sighed, which was a mistake because it used the last of my air and I would have to breathe in again in order to have even the most basic conversation. The problem was, breathing was still so habitual for me that it was natural to suck in new air at the end of each sentence. I didn't need to think about it. In fact, I was quite sure it would take a great deal of concentration to break the habit. I estimated I would be able to get two or three short sentences out before I would need more air to speak again. Once the tank was full, I looked around to make sure there were no humans close enough to be a temptation right. There weren't, so I risked another deep breath.

I walked inside, pausing momentarily at the door to take stock and ensure I was in control. "Number three," I told the cashier. I knew the total was a little over a hundred dollars.

The guy eyed me appreciatively. "What's a pretty thing like you doing out so late?"

I smiled politely at him and handed him three fifty dollar bills. "No change."

I was out of breath. I needed to practise more at measuring my speech.

His eyes widened as he took in the tip I was giving him. "Whoa!" he exclaimed..

He grinned at me and looked like he was about to say something else, so I just smiled and turned away as quickly as I could. I smirked when I realised I had actually done it. Despite my doubt in my ability to control myself, I had succeeded. No one had died.

When I was about halfway back to the door, the phone rang. I answered it without thinking, wondering what Alice had seen. After all, I was about to leave safely with no one hurt...wasn't I?

I put the phone to my ear and froze when I heard the voice on the other end of the line.

"Alice."

My strength left me immediately when I heard Edward's smooth tones. I didn't know what he wanted, or why he thought I was Alice. All I knew was that it felt like so long since I'd heard his voice, although I'd never really _heard_ his voice before. I'd certainly never heard it infused with such sadness.

Then it occurred to me, Alice must have given me her phone. He had obviously called her number, so of course he would assume that she would answer. I wanted to correct him, but I couldn't speak. I was too overwhelmed. There was so much I wanted to tell him, but I knew I couldn't say anything. I was out of air and I didn't want to risk taking another breath in the tiny, enclosed space. A few more people had entered behind me, so there were four people all squeezed into the tiny store; their scent would definitely be overpowering. I eventually managed to force out a quick, "Mmm."

"Why didn't you warn me?" Edward sobbed down the phone. "Why didn't you tell me what was going to happen to her? Why didn't you tell me that she would come looking for me?"

I knew at once that he meant me. He knew what I had done and was upset about it. In fact, he was almost hysterical. As I processed his emotion, I found my anger was back. _How dare he be upset that I went looking for him?_ He had been so desperate to be rid of me? My rage helped me to thaw and I was able to move again. I walked outside as quickly as I could, without the risk of giving away my true nature. As soon as I was outside, and had checked there were no humans around, I took another deep breath. Then I concentrated hard on remembering Alice's voice and tried to mimic it. "What does it matter?"

I heard his breath catch, and then he was screaming, "How can you say that, Alice? Of course it matters! It matters more than anything else in this entire world. How could she do that? How could she be so thoughtless? What about Charlie? What about Renee? Did she even think about how it would affect them?" The sobbing started again.

"Edward, you were the one who left." Either I was better at impersonating Alice than I thought, or Edward was too upset to notice.

"I know." His voice broke as he whispered the two words. He fell silent for a few moments, but when he continued it was with an unnatural calm, as if he had made some decision and was now just waiting to see it play out. "I need to say a final goodbye. Can you tell the others goodbye from me, I don't know when I'll be home." The phone line went dead.

_Right, his distractions. He'll be too busy chasing them that he wouldn't be home to see his family any time soon_. I threw the phone in the trash as I passed it on my way to the car. It wasn't worth keeping if I was going to get calls like that.

I almost ripped the car door off trying to open it. _How dare he_? He hated the fact that I'd gone looking for him! Yet he had left his family just to chase random distractions all over the world? I peeled away from the gas station a little too quickly. The next time I looked at my speedometer, I found I was travelling much faster than I ever thought I could. I finally understood why vampires liked fast cars; it was just as easy driving at some ridiculous speed as it was doing ten or twenty miles per hour.

I left the Mercedes in Port Angeles, knowing it would be immediately recognised by the good people of Forks. Considering the Cullens would bear the brunt of the blame for my disappearance and subsequent 'death' I realised it would be easier to keep all trace of their involvement away from prying eyes. I ran back to Forks, mostly sticking to the forests. I found I actually enjoyed running, it was exhilarating and practically second nature. Night had fallen by the time I reached the borders of town. I felt slightly ill knowing I was about to witness a potent grief—that of a parent who had lost a child—and felt worse knowing I was responsible for it.

However, I wasn't quite ready to see my parents just yet. I needed to get myself into a better state of mind, or else I would do something stupid, like run back into their arms and beg for forgiveness. I decided to hunt again. I wasn't particularly thirsty, but I realised it would help to calm my nerves and get my thirst a little more under control.

I passed by the Cullen's old house, easily tracing their scents to one a hunting ground. As I ran, I crossed a number of places where I noticed a horrid stench. I guessed it belonged to some type of animal. It was almost but not quite human but also reminded me of wet carpet...or maybe wet dog. I tried to put the smell out of my mind as I again searched for the dull, earthy scent of deer. I managed to make much less of a mess, having learned a great deal from my first attempt.

In the early hours of the morning, I finally ventured closer to town. I stole a paper from somebody's front door step because it was my best hope for gathering some details of my memorial. As I unfolded the paper, I was surprised to see I was front page news.

_Police Chief's Teen Runaway Dies In Tragic Car Accident. _

Underneath the headline were two photos. The first was of a roped off area, with my damaged truck in the centre, the second was of Charlie and I the night after my birthday. As I stared at the second photo, the human memories of that night flooded my mind. I could still feel the coldness Edward had shown toward me. He was uncaring, already planning his escape no doubt. But it gave me an idea.

I knew Edward used to sneak into my room each night through the window. If he could get in soundlessly, I was sure I would be able to as well. I could check on Charlie and make sure he was coping, but I would have to be careful. I didn't have the advantages Edward had, like knowing whether Charlie was going to be in my room instead of his own, or even whether he was asleep or awake. With the plan set it my mind, I ran to my house as fast as I could.

Minutes later, I was scaling the wall to my room. I grabbed onto the windowsill and carefully peered inside. I couldn't see any movement and the door was shut. I was confident that I could move fast enough that Charlie wouldn't see me if he came into the room. I slid the window open and it creaked ever so slightly. I doubted anyone but a vampire would have heard it. I climbed into my bedroom, sliding the window shut behind me. I walked over to my old bed and sat for a minute, just looking at the surroundings. Everything was exactly as it had been the day I ran away, except the note that I had written for Charlie was gone. I resisted the urge to sob over what I had lost.

I needed to see Charlie, so I quietly pushed my bedroom door open, listening for footsteps or any other indication that someone in the house might be awake. I hadn't noticed any extra cars out the front so I guessed Renee and Phil were staying in a hotel, but I couldn't be certain. I heard Charlie's soft snoring coming from his bedroom, so I took the chance and entered his room to check on him. My eyes immediately fell to a letter on his bureau. I recognised my own handwriting and knew it must have been my goodbye. I bit my lip so that I didn't cry out as I looked down on my father's sleeping form. He had dark bags under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept much lately. He looked like he had lost a significant amount of weight and his hair was noticeably greyer than the last time I had seen him. It was as if many years had passed already rather than just a month. I wished I hadn't done this to him, but surely lying in my room in a comatose state was just as bad?

I don't know how long I stood staring at him before I bent down gently to kiss his cheek. "Bella," he whispered softly before rolling over and resettling.

As I stood to leave the room, I heard a strange noise. The window in my bedroom creaked as if it was being opened; again it was so quiet no human would stand a chance of hearing it. But I was no longer human. I made extra care to be silent as I walked back to my room. Near the end of my bed was a figure facing the other direction and hunched over the floor. I recognised the figure instantly. It was one I probably would have recognised even if I'd been blindfolded.

_Edward_.

Although exactly what he was doing in my old room confused me. I was too stunned to speak, too stunned to even breathe. I was a statue carved of marble and nothing was going to be able to move me until I was able to process the scene in front of me.

I watched silently, breathlessly, as Edward pulled a floorboard up and placed his hand underneath. I stood still as stone, watching him pull a number of item from the space within. I could see the detail of each clearly from where I stood, and my brain tried desperately to piece everything together in a way that made sense. Edward was pulling my gifts, the CD he had made me, the photographs of us, of him, everything he took, so that it would be like he never existed. He was removing them from a space beneath _my_ bedroom floor. It didn't make sense why he would hide them there. If he no longer cared, why wouldn't he just throw them in some random trash-can somewhere, or burn them, or...something. _Why hide them? Why in my room?_

My brain ticked over madly while the rest of me stood perfectly still. Edward stood up, and as he did, I noticed he was sobbing tearlessly. He clutched everything in his hands and ran out through the window in one smooth motion. He didn't even stop to close the window again.

I wanted to shout after him, to demand some explanation for what just happened, but I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't do anything but stand and watch him as he ran into the forest. After an hour frozen in the one spot, I finally was able to move. I took a shuddering breath before walking back into my bedroom, pulling the door gently closed behind me. I stood where Edward had been, my mind reeling as I looked at the loose floorboard. I knew this room held no more answers for me.

I followed Edward's path out through the window, except I turned and slid it shut softly behind me, closing off my old life, forever.

~0~


	6. Lost and Found

**Chapter 6: Lost and Found**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

As soon as I reached the ground Edward's scent hit me. Without thinking, I started to follow it. Really, I had no other choice. After all, finding Edward was the reason I had gone through everything I had. Finding him was the reason I had run away and demanded Carlisle change me. Finding him was the reason Charlie was grieving and looked old beyond his years.

Edward had an hour-long head start and he was fast. I knew from my time with him that he was easily the fastest of his family. I wondered if I have any hope of catching up. I wasn't completely sure, but I knew I had to try. I stood stock still for a moment, closing my eyes and drawing in a deep breath, allowing Edward's scent to enter every part of my brain. I couldn't believe how wondrous it felt, no other scent I had experienced in my new body could compare with his. I hated myself for thinking that way about the one who hurt me, especially when I was so close to…_what was I close to_? _What did I need from him?_ _Answers?_ _Closure?_ It didn't matter; I needed to find him, and go from there.

I followed the scent carefully. I was so new to the whole tracking thing, I was worried I would lose him if I tried to go too quickly. I stopped when I noticed his scent entered into the forest near Charlie's house. The same piece of forest where...

I bit back a sob.

I tried to move forward but it was almost impossible. Every part of my body resisted following him into the forest. It was too much like last time when he...

'_Come for a walk with me.'_

I took in a deep breath and clenched my jaw. _I can do this_. I pushed myself, forcing one foot in front of the other as I made myself enter the forest which had witnessed my downfall. The memories I didn't want to remember came flooding back. I could almost see Edward walking just a few steps in front of me. His words from that day echoed around my ears, cutting and slicing their way deep into my subconscious. _He doesn't want me. I'm not good enough for him. He left me._

My mind was torn. Never in my short human life had I felt so many strong emotions so clearly, usually one took the forefront and the others followed behind. But as I remembered the afternoon he left me, they burned through me simultaneously.

I was angry, so mad I could have ripped out the entire forest to make it suffer for the part it played in my hurt, but at the same time I was devastatingly sad, hurt and betrayed. I wanted to curl back up into a ball, just as I was when Sam had found me, and forget about everything. I could lie there until people thought I was a statue, a bizarre monument to a girl who had suffered a devastating heartbreak before she died too young.

I didn't know which emotion it was that carried me forward, but something did. I was almost at the spot where it happened. I kept pushing myself forward, until there was no longer a need.

I had expected to travel for hours and cover a vast distance before I found Edward again, but he was stopped in the path before me. He was crouched in an uncomfortable looking squat on the precise spot where he stood when he left me. Instead of standing strong and proud and saying hateful things, he was sobbing with his hands pressed over his face. What looked like the CD and photos from my room were crumpled tightly in his fists.

He was sobbing and whispering, "I am so sorry, Bella. My Bella. My love. Why? Why did you have to try to find me?" His voice was broken and defeated. "Why couldn't you keep your promise and not do anything reckless?"

He growled softly before his body bent even further toward the ground. He snarled before sobbing again. "I should have stayed. I'm sorry. I'll never forgive myself. Where ever you are now, will you ever be able to forgive me?"

I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to turn and run as fast as I could, none of his words made any sense. I wanted to yell at him, and berate him for leaving. But he looked so sad and lost that when I opened my mouth, all that came out was a sad and soft, "Yes."

He pulled his hands away from his face and stood quickly, dropping the contents of his fists. His speed was startling, even for a vampire. I was so shocked I took an instinctive step backwards. Then I looked at him carefully, and was startled by what I saw. His eyes were pitch black and red-rimmed, with deep black circles underneath. He obviously hadn't hunted recently. His face had a gaunt, hollow appearance. His body was shaking with sobs. He looked through me as much as at me. He barely looked sane. "Bella?" he asked warily, his voice cracking.

I nodded. I waited for him to yell at me. I expected him to chastise me for allowing myself to be changed and tell me one final goodbye just like he had said he would on the phone when he thought I was Alice. But in another startlingly quick movement, he covered the last of the distance between us and crashed into me, pulling me into his arms. His lips were on mine before I could object. He kissed me so fiercely, so passionately, so uncontrollably. He had never kissed me like that before. Each of the barriers he had carefully constructed over our time together crashed down around us. I felt old emotions bubbling to the surface and shifting my anger and my hurt. Love, tenderness, devotion, I thought I had lost them all forever when I was turned but as Edward kissed me, I felt myself changing. Passion coursed through my body, burning out the anger and removing it from my body and mind. I felt myself sinking under the depth of the love I felt for Edward.

My breathing sped and I kissed him back just as passionately. Finally, although I didn't need the oxygen, I pulled away from him but his lips never left me. He continued to kiss my cheek, my jaw, my neck. I was glad I was in his arms because my legs had turned to jelly underneath me.

Between kisses, he whispered my name, "Bella, love. Oh Bella. I'm so sorry, Bella. You're alive. I can't believe you're alive." He laughed, but it rang with a tinge of hysteria.

I laughed in return. I couldn't believe how _right_ it felt being back in Edward's arms. "Actually, technically I'm not."

Edward stopped kissing me. He tilted his head slightly, like he was listening for something. He took a deep breath at my neck. Then he dropped his arms and looked at me as if he hadn't ever seen me before. When his eyes met mine, his face registered shock, and then regret. He gasped. "How? Why?"

At the look on his face, my anger returned, but only as a shadow of its former rage. "You left me," I spat at him. "That made it my decision and my decision alone. _You_ no longer had a say."

He shook his head slowly as if in denial. "But who?"

I sighed, as soon as he asked, I knew Edward wouldn't be happy with my answer. "Carlisle," I muttered, before deciding I needed to make Edward understand. "If it hadn't been him I would have hunted down someone else, except they wouldn't have been able to guarantee my safety like Carlisle could. That was the reason he agreed in the end. He knows how stubborn I am, and he didn't want me to risk my human life."

"Carlisle," he repeated, anger colouring his voice.

I told him the story of how and why I packed up the truck and ran away. How Alice had found me and the events that happened since then. I left out the part about Teddy in the bar; Edward never needed to know about that. I felt bad enough about that for the both of us.

"I spoke to Alice. Why wouldn't she tell me? She let me keep thinking you were dead."

That's when the reality hit me. "You thought I was dead? _That's_ why you're here? _That's_ why you're sad?"

He nodded. "I came back to check on you, I know I promised I wouldn't, but I couldn't help myself." He actually looked apologetic. "I arrived on the same day the phone call came for Charlie. I listened to his thoughts as he heard what had been found. I…I couldn't believe that... that you were…_gone_."

"But why did you come back? You don't love me anymore, if you ever did."

He ran his fingers through his hair before meeting my eyes. "I'm a good liar, Bella. I have to be to protect my secrets, and those of my family."

I nodded. I understood that, especially when flashes of the lies that had flown so easily from my lips when I was talking to Teddy crossed my mind.

"When I told you that I didn't love you, I was lying. I knew you weren't going to give up. I knew you were going to fight for me. I had to convince you that I didn't feel that way, I thought it was the only way you would move forward. I knew if I didn't, you would never be able to move on with your life. I see now that I should have stayed. I could have saved you from this. I'm sorry."

"So you lied?" It was the most I could manage. The confusion I felt ravaged my brain and was most likely written all over my face.

He reached out for me again and pulled me close, before whispering in my ear, "Isabella Swan, I love you, more deeply and profoundly than you could possibly imagine. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my existance. I don't think I would have the strength to ever do it again."

"Then don't." I pulled him back in for another kiss.

When we finally broke apart, he found his train of thought again. "But Alice?"

If I could have blushed I would have. "You never spoke to Alice."

His eyes were fierce. "Yes, I did. Yesterday."

"No." I shook my head softly, _why is it so hard to tell him this?_ "She gave her phone to me when I left their house."

"_You_? But then, why did you pretend to be Alice? Why didn't you tell me you weren't dead?"

I sighed and tried to put into words all of the emotions that had been ravaging my mind since I woke. "Edward. You left me. I was hurt and angry. You know what the transformation does; that pain and anger was frozen into every part of my body. When I spoke to you yesterday, I thought you had found out about this," I ran my hand over my body. "I thought that was why you were trying to find me again, to tell me how appalled you were and say goodbye to me for good so I wouldn't keep chasing you. You never said anything about being dead."

"You thought I wouldn't want you just because you are a vampire?" He sounded incredulous.

"I thought you didn't want me anymore anyway, and I knew you didn't want _this_ for me. What other conclusion could I reach?"

To my surprise he laughed heartily. "Silly Bella." He kissed me softly on my cheek. "It's true, I didn't want you to be turned. But I didn't want it for _you. _I wanted you to have a full life, with children and love, and all the normal human experiences. Everything you deserved. But I always wanted this for _me_, so badly. Don't you see how much I have craved it, to be able to kiss you without restraint and without thirsting for your blood?" He kissed my neck to prove his point. "Or know what I would have given to have been able to take our relationship to the next level and not have to worry about accidently killing you. How I have wanted it and longed for it. It would have been so much easier for me if you were more like me all along.

"It was only that it was better for _you_—for your soul—for you to stay human that made me resist ever contemplating the possibility. Only what is best for you could ever be more important to me than what I want."

He wrapped his hand around mine and pulled my hand to his lips. The sun was just starting to rise and the rays coming through the trees hit our intertwined hands, sending rainbows in all directions. I looked into his eyes and realised his deep need. I knew there was still more to discuss, but I realised his was a more urgent matter. "You really need to hunt."

He nodded. "I haven't been since I left," he admitted softly. "I haven't done much of anything since then. I pretty much just curled up in a ball and sobbed."

I chuckled. "Me too. I couldn't cope. It wasn't until Charlie and Renee threatened to send me to Jacksonville that I felt anything again." Saying their names reminded me of the pain I was putting my mom and dad through.

Edward cupped my cheek and rubbed a circle next to my eye with his thumb. "It's going to be difficult for them. Charlie alternates between blaming himself and blaming me."

I wondered if something had changed during my transformation. _Was Edward able to read my mind now?_ I felt my eyebrows pucker in confusion.

He smiled at me. "No. Unfortunately, I still can't read your thoughts. However, I can still read your face. But most of all, I know _you_, Bella. I know how concerned you must be for your parents."

"I wish I could take it back, but I know I can't. It is probably my one regret in this whole thing; never being able to see either of them again, to let them know I'm happy."

His coal-black eyes blazed into mine. "Are you?"

I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. Being so close to him again made the answer to his question obvious, and easy. "Extremely. Are you?"

He rested his cheek on my hair and put his arms around me in return. "You would not believe how happy I am. There is only one thing I want more than this."

If my heart was still beating, it would have stopped. My breathing caught as I waited, ready for the hurt and anger to come back. _Did he mean his distractions?_ "What is it?"

He grinned. "Later. Right now, now that by some miracle you are here with me, I really do need to hunt." He let me go and grabbed my hand, meaning to run off.

I gripped Edward's hand and resisted, he wasn't getting away that easily. I needed to know what he wanted more than me. I was not used to being so much stronger than him; the weight of my resistance actually forced him to the ground. As he fell, I let go of his hand and he landed unceremoniously on his ass.

He stood and brushed himself off. "What is it, Bella?"

"Tell me what you want more than me?"

He laughed, so loudly that I worried about Charlie hearing – we weren't really that far from the house. "Bella, you can be so absurd sometimes."

I crossed my arms and pouted. "Absurd? That's real nice, Edward." I narrowed my eyes at him.

He chuckled again. "I'm sorry if I upset you, but it is still true. After everything I've just said, after seeing how deliriously happy I am, how could you possibly imagine I would ever want anything more than you? The notion is absurd."

"You just said there was only one thing you wanted more than me."

"No, I said there was one thing I wanted more than _this_. And that _is_ true, but now really isn't the time to get into that. Charlie is awake and I don't want him to hear us and come to investigate."

"Fine. But you _will_ tell me?"

"Absolutely." He smiled his crooked half-smile, and there was something hidden deep in his eyes. Joy maybe?

Almost as soon as I had grabbed his proffered hand, we were running. If I thought running by myself was exhilarating, it was nothing compared to the thrill of running hand-in-hand with Edward. A current, almost like electricity, seemed to pass between us as we pushed our speed faster and faster. Finally we were far enough from human inhabitants to allow our hunting instincts to take over, but Edward stopped me before I took off.

"What have you hunted so far?" he asked with a look of fierce curiosity on his face. I knew what he really wanted to know.

I screwed up my nose at the memory of the beasts I had consumed so far. "Just deer, they're really not very appetizing."

"Are you being serious, Bella? You can be honest with me."

I was a little affronted that he thought I was lying. "I am being honest."

"But didn't you say you ran away from my family right after your transformation?"

I nodded.

"Any yet you didn't hunt…_humans_?"

I was once again glad I could no longer blush. Although not being able to blush couldn't stop the guilty look that I'm sure covered my face. It lasted for less than a fraction of a second before I managed to get my expression under control again. Any human would have missed it, but Edward wasn't human.

He looked at me suspiciously. "What is it you're not telling me? You know I won't think less of you if you slipped up. I know the draw of human blood, especially when you are so young."

I shook my head and spoke quietly. "I didn't slip. I nearly did, I had one so close. But I couldn't do it."

He cocked his head to the side. "Not that I am complaining, but why not?"

"I felt like I would be disappointing you if I did."

He laughed loudly again, the sound really was beautiful. "I really don't deserve someone as good as you."

Edward's insistence that I was good made my guilty conscience that much more unbearable. "I kissed him," I blurted out, unable to contain it anymore.

"What? Who?"

"The one I nearly killed. He looked like you, or at least like I would imagine you would look if you were human. I know it's no excuse, but there were so many things about him that reminded me of you. I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry I betrayed you." I looked at the ground, I didn't want to see whatever look was on Edward's face.

Half a second had past, but it felt like forever. I was almost going to look to see if Edward was still there, maybe he had run away. I couldn't even hear him breathing. Then I felt his fingers under my chin and he gently guided my face level with his. His eyes burned into mine with deep passion. "No, Bella, a simple kiss with a stranger could never compare with the deep betrayal I inflicted on you when I left. I promise I will make it up to you, whatever it takes." He kissed me again, pressing his tongue forward and exploring my mouth in a way he would never have done while I was still human.

When we pulled apart, I smiled. "That definitely helps make up for it."

He froze. "Can you smell that?" His eyes filled with hunger.

I sniffed and picked up the scent he was talking about. It floated toward us on the gentle breeze. I found it actually almost appetizing, certainly much more so than the deer had been, even if it still nothing on the scents of human blood. "What is it?"

He smiled at me. "Mountain lion. Listen, how many do you think?"

I listened easily. I could hear three heartbeats distinctly, but one seemed to be a slightly different, I realised that must have been the prey. "Two?"

"Very good." He raised his eyebrow at me. "One each?"

I nodded and we took off in the direction of the smell. My throat ached a little, but I still felt full from the previous nights hunt so I didn't go quite as enthusiastically as Edward. As such, I was able to watch from behind as he stalked the beast. There was something so graceful about his motions and I found it incredibly enjoyable to watch.

He edged closer, still unnoticed as he stalked in near silence. Finally, he leapt. He landed squarely in front of his prey, and reached out to snap its neck cleanly before pressing his jaws to its throat and drinking deeply.

I was surprised when he walked away; his shirt was still clean and pressed, it looked like he had merely taken a stroll in the park not taken down a fierce predator. I resisted the urge I had to run into his arms again. He looked at me quizzically and it almost seemed he was wondering why I wasn't hunting the second animal. I indicated he should go ahead, after all his need was much greater than mine. This time I watched his actions with greater appreciation, and only partly because I could learn a lot from his hunting technique.

When he turned back to me after the second kill, his eyes were back to their usual liquid-topaz colour, except with my new eyesight, I could see a greater depth and colour mix in them. The black bags under his eyes were also gone. He smiled and it took my breath away. This time no amount of resistance could hold me back, and I was in his arms in an instant.

~0~

**A/N:- I know some of you wanted B to curse & yell & scream at Edward for leaving, or at least be angry for a while, but I'm trying to stick close to canon on this & canon B is too forgiving for her own good ;) **

**Thank you to everyone who is reading & has reviewed you make it worthwhile tapping at the keys.**

**I don't think I've plugged my twitter lately. I'm there, sometimes I try to be interesting, most of the time I just like a chat :) I'm mpg82 over there. **


	7. It's my Funeral

**Chapter 7: It's my Funeral**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

Edward and I spent the rest of the morning roaming around the forests near Forks. His ability to read minds, as well as our supernatural hearing, came in handy to ensure we didn't encounter any humans. We alternated between running and walking, we didn't have to discuss it; we just knew when the other wanted to increase or decrease speed. Neither of us could stop smiling. It was almost as if the past two weeks had never happened; except I was a vampire just like Edward.

I was so content just being close to Edward, that it took me a while to notice that he was herding me somewhere. It wasn't until I paid closer attention to our course that I realised he was subtly, but noticeably, changing directions every few miles. I didn't ask where he was leading me, because I honestly didn't care, I was simply happy to be back by his side, happier than I ever thought I could be. I had suspicions about our ultimate destination, but couldn't be completely sure. Eventually, I noticed a wide clearing of light in the forest before me, and realised that the trees around me were familiar. I smiled to myself when I realised I was right, he was leading me to our meadow.

He led me into the middle of the familiar place, clasping my hand lightly and smiling at me. I grinned at him, when he slowly pulled me to him and held me for a moment before his hands moved to caress my face gently. I closed my eyes to fully absorb the sensation; it felt as if he wasn't just touching me, but reaching into my skin and stroking each cell individually. Every nerve-ending responded to him with the same fervour, igniting and sending signals to the rest of my body. The touch of his fingertips ran deep under my skin and sank all the way to by bones. New fires that had nothing to do with my thirst, ignited within me and I longed to touch him in return. I needed to kiss him urgently. As if he were somehow able to read my thoughts, or perhaps he was just reading my face again, he touched his lips to mine ever so lightly. I pushed against him harder, longing for him to kiss me with the same reckless abandon he had earlier.

In response to my obvious desire, his lips pressed more firmly against me. I parted my own lips in response. Slowly, gingerly, his tongue pushed forward and trailed across my bottom lip. I groaned softly at the feather-light touch, loving the sensation but longing for more. Edward's lips and tongue continued their unhurried exploration of my mouth. We tasted each other's scent with each unsteady breath, relishing the new flavour of each other. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling my body closer to his until there was no space between us. Our lips continued to move of their own accord as our hands began their own exploration.

The afternoon felt so similar to the first time we'd come to the meadow, except this time we both sparkled in the pale sunlight and neither of us needed to be afraid anymore. I grinned against Edward's mouth at the thought. I was so content that if the world stopped and nothing ever changed again I wouldn't have minded.

We spent the better part of the afternoon together in the meadow. It was amazing how everything between Edward and I felt so natural and so right so soon after rediscovering each other. I had expected there to be lingering issues, but there was no anger or wounds. Now that I knew he had never stopped loving me, his leaving made sense for entirely different reasons. He always worried that he was bringing danger into my world. That his own brother could have been that very danger had been too much for him to cope with. The guilt of being responsible for my heart stopping, one way or the other, was too much for him. He honestly believed the best thing was for me, and for my soul, was for him to leave. I could easily argue against the decision, but never the motives.

We hunted again before the light had completely faded from the sky. Neither of us really needed to, but Edward wanted to ensure I stayed glutted while we were still close to humanity. After the first bear we found ripped huge gashes in my jeans, Edward showed me how to overpower them before they could become defensive. I knew he had so much to teach me, knowledge he had gathered over the years, and I couldn't wait. We had forever to look forward to.

At nightfall, we headed back to his old house. When we arrived, I was shocked to see how quickly nature had reclaimed the once perfectly manicured and smooth driveway and garden. The trees were already beginning to sneak closer to the house and the grass was almost up to my knees. But the white house stood gleaming in the centre of it all. It felt like something out of a fairytale, when the heroine stumbles across a perfect house in the middle of an enchanted forest.

I stopped to marvel at the sight, but Edward kept moving. He stopped when he reached the top step before stooping to grab a small parcel. He laughed as he slipped the tiny box into his pocket.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nothing." He chuckled. "It's just Alice's idea of a joke."

"Alice?" I was confused.

"Yeah, I guess she saw you finding me."

"What is it then?"

He shook his head and smiled at me. "Later."

"You keep saying that!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "But _when_ is later?"

He thought about it for a moment. "Later is…when the time is right. The time is not right just yet. We need to get out of Forks first."

I shook my head fiercely. I wasn't ready to leave Forks just yet.

"What?" He asked with a laugh. "Don't tell me you are planning on an extended visit?"

I looked at him sheepishly. "I want to stay for my memorial."

He stilled, his face registering shock over my statement. He shook his head, a faint smile still on his lips. "That's a little morbid, Bella."

I stared impassively at him, hoping that he would understand what I wanted, and why I wanted it.

I saw him shiver as he realised I was deadly serious. "I don't think I can stay for that," he whispered apologetically. "Even though I know you are safe now. Even though I would have you in my arms the whole time, I don't know if I could stand hearing a eulogy." He shivered again.

"I want to see whether Renee and Charlie are coping. I want to make sure they are alright. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I want that opportunity, even if it's from a distance and they don't know that I'm there."

Edward nodded his head. "If you're certain, then I support you. I'll come with you, if you like." He was leaving it as my decision.

"I...I don't know." On one hand, I never wanted to let go of Edward again and I knew his support would help me through one of the most difficult things I had to do, but he had only just finished explaining how hard it would be for him.

"You don't need to decide right now," he said, pushing the front door of our temporary home open.

The house was completely different to how I remembered it. It no longer felt welcoming or like the home it had been when Esme tended to it. Instead, dust covers lay over the large pieces of furniture and all the small personal items were gone. Without the personalities of the people—vampires—who had lived in it, the house felt vacant and empty. It was hard to believe that it had been a little more than a month since my fateful birthday party. I was startled to realise I could still detect the faint traces of where I had bled at my birthday party. It was masked by the smell of bleach and dulled by the passage of time but it was still there. I wondered how long it would take to dissipate or whether it would have gone by now if the Cullens still lived here and other scents mixed into it.

I must have been wearing a look of disgust because Edward turned to me. "We don't have to stay here if you don't want to. I just thought you might like to have a shower and some vestiges of civility."

"No, it's fine," I said, working on arranging my features into a more neutral expression. "I just noticed the scent of my blood. It…well, it must have been very strong that night."

He nodded. "Very. It was a bad situation for you to be in, the worst. I'm sorry I ever allowed that to happen."

I grunted at him in frustration. "That is it! I don't want to hear you apologise for that ever again. Ever. As I explained to Jasper, I knewthe risks when I got involved with you. I knew the risks when I came over here. I didn't expect to bleed, but given my propensity for bad luck, I knew it was a possibility. I knew exactly what might happen if I did. You don't need to shoulder the blame for everything. It's all worked out fine."

"For you and I maybe," he murmured. "But what about Charlie? Renee? What about your friends? It hasn't really worked out so great for them."

"It will." I had to believe it. "As you told me, human memories fade. Time heals all wounds. I have to believe that or else I will never forgive myself."

He sighed. "We might as well make ourselves comfortable then." He ripped the dust cover off one of the couches.

~ 0 ~

On our second day in the house, we found out that a memorial was being held in the gym at Forks High in the morning before a private ceremony at Forks cemetery. I knew I wouldn't be able to get close enough to the gym to watch without the risk of someone seeing me, so that was out. But depending on which plot they had selected for me, I might get lucky and be able to see my parents up close one last time.

In the end, I decided I didn't want Edward to come with me. It was one of the hardest decisions I'd ever made, but I could see the pain he suffered every time he thought about my 'death'. It was painful for him because he had actually experienced it. For a period of time, he had genuinely thought I was lost forever. No matter what I did or said, I could never erase the suffering he had endured during that time. Instead, I made the almost impossible choice and left him behind. He had argued, trying to convince me that he would be able to survive it, but I couldn't put him through that. Our parting kiss was full of all the love we shared and our sorrow at being apart again so soon after our reunion.

I ran to the cemetery, noticing the thick, putrid smell I'd encountered previously. I cursed myself for not asking Edward what the scent was. I'd just had too many other things on my mind.

I tried to put the scent, and what sort of animal it belonged to, out of my mind to focus on what I needed to do to get through the next few hours.

I knew that I had to stay hidden, regardless of how far from the proceedings I had to be. I couldn't risk anyone seeing me and destroying the hard work Carlisle had put into planning my death. As hard as I knew it would be on my parents, I knew the closure would help them in the long run. The last thing I needed was there to be ambiguity or rumours of a sighting of me.

When I reached the cemetery, and saw the open plot, I realised my luck was with me. I knew that the space where the empty coffin—meant to represent me—was to be buried. It was the perfect distance from my hiding spot in the forest. I was close enough that I could see and hear everything, but far enough away that no one would see me. I arrived a little too early, but it didn't matter because it gave me time to find the best hiding place. I sat perched midway up a tree and waited.

I watched as people started to filter through the gates in the distance. I was surprised how many people from the school Charlie had thought to invite to the private portion of the gathering. Mike walked over to my plot with his arm around Jessica. Ben and Angela trailed close behind. It looked as if Angela had spent a lot of time crying recently. The image of her red-rimmed eyes helped me to realise just how much of an impact my death had on my friends.

But the pain of my former schoolmates was nothing compared to the looks of utter devastation on my parent's faces. Renee leant so heavily on Phil for support that she was almost being carried by him. As they came to rest beside the burial plot, she grabbed Charlie's arm with her free hand. Charlie's face looked even worse than it had when I saw him sleeping. The worry lines and deep black circles were so much more pronounced now that he was awake. He looked like he had aged twenty years over the course of the past month.

I clutched tightly onto the tree trunk beside me to stop myself from hurtling towards them to let them know I wasn't really gone. That I was going to move on and be happy with my new family. That they should celebrate for me. That they should move on with their lives. But I knew I couldn't do that. I was as good as dead to them; and that was how it had to be. My cold, non-beating heart was testament to that.

I watched as Mr Weber, Angela's father, read through a selection of bible verses and other poems. No one else spoke. I presumed they'd all said what they wanted to say at the memorial and this was just a time for quiet reflection. Eventually the coffin that represented my human life was lowered into the ground. Charlie stood and threw a handful of dirt into the hole, Renee following shortly after. They turned and embraced one another. After continuing the ritual, Phil placed his hand on the small of Renee's back, letting her know he was there for her. In that moment, I had a spark of hope that they would all be there for one another.

I turned my back on them, and on my former existence. I smiled despite the heartbreak. I was ready to move on. To move forward and leave Forks behind me – maybe not forever, but for a few lifetimes at least.

I was barely a mile into the forest on the way back to the house when I heard the footsteps of a large beast. The reek I had sensed earlier filled the air. I was almost sickened by the intensity of the musky smell. My nose wrinkled automatically against the putrid scent. My eyes automatically scanned the area, as if sensing some sort of danger, even though I knew it was absurd. As if any simple animal could hurt me now. I remembered the way the defensive strikes of the bear had torn my jeans but had no impact on me and tried to push my instinctive fear aside.

Even as I worked on ignoring my intuition, my eyes locked on a dark patch of forest where I could see a set of eyes peering out from within a coat of deep black fur. I watched with curiosity as the beast began to stalk deliberately towards me. I was surprised by its boldness. Even in the short time I had been a vampire, I had come to realise that most animals shied away from my kind. Their survival instincts were usually honed much more sharply than humans. It wasn't even as if I gave off any heat or scent to draw in a hungry animal despite the danger.

As the size of the figure advancing towards me from the forest became apparent, I grew even more confused. It was a wolf, but much bigger than any other I'd ever seen or heard of. This beast was the size of a horse, with long, claws and razor-sharp daggers for teeth. A long, low growl—a warning—escaped from between its teeth. A part of me wanted to run, as silly as that might have been. I knew I had nothing to fear from the beast, and yet its eyes held a depth and wisdom that I couldn't understand or turn away from. There was something so familiar about those eyes.

A snap of a twig alerted me to a second wolf to my left. I listened closer, hearing four sets of paws, four thundering heartbeats. I forced myself to turn in a tight circle on the spot trying to watch them all. There were four wolves, each coming from a different direction of the compass. They forced themselves closer to where I stood and I suddenly felt afraid. There was no logical reason for it, but I was completely and utterly terrified. I wanted nothing more than to run away and never see these horrid creatures again. The smell was so overpowering that I had to stop breathing. I stood completely still, hoping the wolves would get bored and leave. But there was something in the way they moved that told me that would not happen. They were hunting for something. I tried not to listen to the irrational part of my brain that was saying they were hunting _me_.

My eyes flashed wildly between the wolves as I continued to step in a small circle. The black wolf was the closest of the four, but directly opposite it was a russet brown one who was next closest. The two on my sides seemed to hang back a little. All of the wolves had their hackles up, growls issuing intermittently, all except the russet brown one who didn't growl but seemed to be issuing a series of small whines. I turned my attention to that animal, compassion driving me to want to know whether it was hurt somehow.

There was another low growl from the other wolves and the russet one howled. The noise almost distracted me from the sound of the black wolf's paws leaving the ground as it leapt toward me. I twisted at the last second, grabbing its fur as it passed and throwing it toward the other wolves, desperate to be clear of the pack around me. Almost the instant the black wolf had left my hands one of the others leapt forward and caught my arm in its mouth, attempting to sink its teeth in as deep as it could. I had expected the beast's jaws to slide from my arm, unable to get a purchase, but instead pain ripped through the limb, and a huge gash opened where his teeth had been. I knew immediately why my instincts had been screaming that I was in danger, and why I felt scared of these odd wolves. I _was_ in danger. They _could_ kill me. And it was four on one.

~0~


	8. Fight for your life

**Chapter 8: Fight for your life**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I also have to say thanks to Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

Black, brown, silver, russet. The wolves circled around me and I stood frozen in place. I had absolutely no idea what to do, my instincts just screamed _run_ but I couldn't escape from the ring being drawn around me. They seemed to work in perfect co-ordination. I couldn't break through without risking them attacking me, and I couldn't risk assaulting one without exposing some part of myself to the others. In my moment of absolute horror, I began to be hyper-aware of my surroundings. I looked desperately for anything that could help my escape, anything that would lead me back to Edward's arms.

As I watched the circling pack, I noticed more strange things about the wolves. They all seemed to have leather straps tied around their hind legs, holding squares of material in place. I wondered who would have done such a strange thing and what human could have gotten close enough to these monsters to do it?

Black, brown, silver…russet. I watched as the wolves completed another full revolution, noticing that the russet brown one was falling a step behind on each rotation, leaving an ever increasing gap.

Black, brown, silver… ...russet. I eyed the break between the silver and russet brown wolves as they passed by again, and once more it was larger.

Black, brown, silver… ... ...russet. The next time around I made my break. I took advantage of the gap created by the russet brown wolf and bolted through their line. I ran as fast as I could, confident that they would not be able to catch up; they were only animals after all. Vampires were stronger and faster than any animal in the world. The perfect predator; unable to be harmed or so I'd thought. My arm was mostly healed but still ached slightly, reminding me that the wolves were a genuine threat. I tried to push all thoughts of the danger out of my mind and just concentrated on getting back to Edward. The thought pushed me to run even faster.

I heard sounds of pursuit behind me, the steady beat of paws against the soft forest floor and growls reminding me of the threat of the beasts. They sounded too close, the beating too fast, and I began to panic. I allowed myself a quick glance over my shoulder as I ran, and was horrified to see that they were not only keeping up, but they were closing the distance. The russet brown one was running at the head of the pack. My heart sank as I realised it had been a trap; they had wanted me to run all along. I couldn't see any possibility of escape. I wasn't a fighter; I didn't even know the basics. Even if I could hope to bring down one or two of them by luck or chance, I would be overwhelmed by sheer numbers. I had no hope of outrunning them, even with my increased speed and newborn strength. There was absolutely nothing I could do to save myself.

I couldn't believe after everything I'd been through that I was going to die anyway; dragged off by wild beasts. If I wasn't so distraught I probably would have laughed at the irony, it was exactly the fate everyone at my funeral had thought I'd met.

I heard the sound of one of the wolves making a leap for me. I twisted on the spot as I ran trying desperately to get a sense of which direction the attack would come from. As I turned, the wolf hit me square in the chest and I fell to the ground, flat on my back with my hair splayed out behind me. My head hit the ground hard; I didn't feel it as much as hear it. I instantly raised my arms in front of my face to try to fend off the attack. "No, please don't," I cried out desperately. I started to sob at the thought of never seeing Edward again; I didn't know how he would survive especially when he would never know my fate. _Would he assume I'd left him and spend his days trying to find me again?_

The weight of the wolf on my chest was almost painful and its claws dug harshly into my breasts. It let out a low, painful whine but didn't attack. I lowered my hands cautiously; worried this might be yet another trick from the curiously intelligent creatures. I raised my head a little, meeting the wolf's eyes. They were filled with recognition and a palpable sorrow. I didn't understand the emotions under the circumstances, especially not from an animal. My sobs died and my breath caught in my chest as I stared into the creature's ancient, knowing eyes. There was so much information, so much humanity, buried within them that I began to doubt my assessment of the creatures as animals.

Suddenly the wolf leapt off me and ran into the forest. It didn't escape my attention that the other three wolves were still close by. I slowly, purposefully, pulled myself into a sitting position. I didn't move into any kind of defensive position or leap into a crouch ready to attack. It was too late for all of that, I was going to die and nothing I could do would change that. I just wished I could understand why the wolves were acting so strangely before my life was ended. I turned around and watched the other wolves carefully. They each stood a few feet away in a hostile stance with their hackles raised. They weren't attacking, but neither were they fleeing.

Just when I thought things were as strange as they could be, they became completely surreal. Jacob Black, the boy I'd once flirted with to find out information about Edward, stepped out from between the trees wearing nothing but a pair of cut-off jeans. He wore an expression the like of which I'd never seen, aggressive and hurt all at once, and he looked like he had aged years in the months it had been since I had seen him last. I thought about our last meeting. Prom. It felt like lifetimes ago.

"How could you, Bella?" he sneered.

I was too confused to speak. I just stared at him, uncertain what was happening. Underneath the angry mask on his face, his eyes contained the same sorrow as those of the wolf. My thoughts led me to remember the presence of the wolves, and I wanted to shout out a warning to Jacob. But then I realised they were making no move to attack him. In fact, they seemed to be standing protectively between him and I.

"You know this means war now, don't you?" Jacob spat. "Why would you even come back? What choice do my brothers and I have now?"

"Jacob?" I stared at him, feeling like an imbecile. It was clear I was missing some vital information. "What are _you _doing here?"

"Doing my job," he retorted. I had always thought of Jacob as a sunny person and had certainly never experienced this vicious side of him.

"I don't understand."

"Think about it, Bella. I told you this! Long before I believed it myself."

I stared at him blankly.

"Why doesn't it surprise me that you would believe some of our stories so much more readily than others or why _one_ in particular stood out to you?"

I tried to process what he was saying, straining through my dim human memories until I found the memory of our day on the beach. The day Jacob had told inadvertently told me what Edward really was. I thought about the other stories he had told me. How his people had evolved from wolves and how the cold ones—the Cullens—were the natural enemy of the wolf. _Not real wolves, but men who turn into wolves._ "Werewolves?" I whispered incredulously.

"Ding, ding, ding. Give the girl a prize," Jacob hissed. "As I said; I'm here doing my job."

"Which is?" I asked, suddenly feeling breathless, even though I knew I didn't need oxygen.

"Killing _bloodsuckers_."

I gasped, before meeting his eyes. "Jake…no," I sobbed, it was all I could manage.

He took one step closer to me, reaching his hand out slightly. His face was earnest and pained. "I just need to know why? What did the leech say to you to convince you to throw your life away?"

I shook my head, disbelievingly, still unable to breathe. "Edward didn't...he never." I struggled to find the words to explain.

Seconds that felt like hours past by without another word between us. Jacob's arm remained outreached until suddenly his eyes flicked behind me and his face grew hard again. He took a step back, recoiling as if he'd been bitten.

"_I_ didn't say anything to convince her. She changed without my knowledge. If it were up to me, she would still be human." I heard Edward's velvet tones and felt the remaining air in my lungs leave in a rushed whoosh. Edward's hand reached down in front of me, and I felt as if an angel from heaven was reaching down to save me.

As soon as my hand was in his, he pulled me up. Before I could process what was happening, I was behind him and he was crouched defensively in front of me, refusing to let go of my hand.

"How did you find me?" I whispered fast and low. I knew it would be beyond human ears to hear or understand what I said.

He shook his head and looked over his shoulder at me. "Not now." Then he turned his full attention back to Jacob and the wolves. "You are right in one way. I _am_ the reason Bella is a vampire, just not in the way you think. I didn't turn her."

"Yeah, right," Jacob laughed bitterly. "I suppose it's just a coincidence that you disappear, a week later Bella runs away and then, all of a sudden, she's 'dead'. Oh wait, here she is standing before me now, isn't that lovely?" Jacob's voice was full of sarcasm and anger. He turned his eyes back on me. "Don't you even care what this has done to Charlie?"

"How can you even..." I started to defend myself but Edward silenced me with a squeeze of my hand.

"I left her so that she could have a normal life. She had other ideas. She can be very stubborn at times."

I thought I saw a shadow of a smile on Jacob's lips but it was gone before I could be sure. A renewed mask of hatred and anger replaced it.

"No, she hasn't. Never!" Edward said vehemently. I wondered what he was referring to until Jacob opened his mouth again.

"Then why are her eyes red? We have enough lore about _your kind_ to know that red eyes mean the _usual_ diet."

"No, Jake, never! I swear. It's because I am so new; that's all. My eyes will fade to the same colour as Edward's over the next few months, or so I've been told." I started to move forward to close the distance between us, forgetting for a second about the danger I was in. Jacob was my friend and the only link I had left to my old life. I suddenly wanted more than anything for him to understand, but Edward used my attempted step forward to push me back further, increasing the distance between myself and the wolves.

Jacob spoke around Edward. "Red is the colour of human blood, Bella. We know that much."

"Yes it is Jake. _My_ human blood!"

He glared fiercely at me, before turning his gaze to Edward. "Still. Bella is one of you now and you just admitted it's your fault." He glared at Edward. "That means the treaty is broken in my books."

"Treaty?" I asked trying to remember any details I could about that.

"You broke the treaty first," Edward said, his voice was venomous but he seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

A look of guilt crossed Jacob's face. "It's not fault for fault _bloodsucker_. You had the choice to act when that happened."

"I know that Jacob, but we were forgiving then. That's all I'm asking for, forgiveness. For Charlie's sake, if no one else's."

"Charlie thinks Bella is dead anyway. Who am I to argue?"

"So you intend killing her?"

Jake nodded once and the other three wolves growled and took a menacing step forward.

"Can you though?" Edward asked him earnestly, his voice softer than I would have expected in these circumstances.

Jacob looked at the wolves around him, seeking support.

"Don't have them do it and blame them later," Edward spat at him. "Be a man and do it yourself."

I gasped in shock. I couldn't believe Edward was effectively telling Jacob to end my life.

Jacob glared at him, before his gaze flicked to me again. He continued to gaze back and forth between the two of us. The other wolves flicked their head back towards Jacob, seemingly stunned by his indecision and inaction.

"Now!" Edward shouted and pulled on my hand, turning me around. In less than a second we were running at top speed towards the ocean. I could hear the sounds of the wolves charging behind us—howls, snapping jaws and fast, padding paws—but Edward had used his ability to catch the perfect moment of distraction, giving us a head start. I had no idea if it would be enough, or where Edward was guiding us. I put my trust in his hands, knowing that he had survived for ninety years and that his extra gift gave him an advantage.

Edward didn't even hesitate when we reached the cliffs overlooking the ocean. "Just stop breathing," he murmured gently before he placed his hand on the small of my back and pushed me over the edge. I had just enough time to take one final breath as I plummeted over the edge toward the sea below.

When I hit the water, I didn't notice the chill like I would have if I were still human. In fact, it was almost like a tepid bath. I found I could keep my eyes open with no discomfort and had very good visibility. Edward swam in front of me, heading deeper into the ocean and further away from land. I knew my old body would have been screaming for oxygen within seconds—if I hadn't frozen instantly, instead I felt a mild discomfort but nothing unbearable. The fish and other wildlife were practically non-existent, and those that we did see gave us a wide berth, their survival instincts kicking in and telling them we were the greatest predators in the ocean.

We swam for hours before Edward finally began to turn back towards land. I had no idea how many miles we had covered, just that we had been swimming relentlessly. We hadn't even risen to the surface to take a breath. It was another hour before we began to swim for the surface. By that stage I was desperate to be free of the constant push and pull of the ocean. Swimming didn't have the same weightless feeling as running. Instead of feeling lighter, the water dragged at my limbs, pulling them and leaving me unable to travel at top speed. When at last my head broke the surface, I took a deep breath. The reaction was mostly one of habit, but it instantly relieved the building irritation that I had in my chest. Looking around, I saw a beach a few miles from where we were.. Without exchanging words, Edward and I began to drag ourselves through the water toward the sand at human speed. We were too close to the shore now, we couldn't risk being seen moving abnormally fast.

We pulled ourselves out of the ocean and up the beach. The instant I was standing firmly on solid ground, I was pulled into a warm embrace. Edward tilted my chin up toward him before kissing me roughly. It was the same kiss he had given me when he realised I wasn't dead. A kiss to erase the fear and pain he had felt.

"I was so scared I had lost you, Bella," he admitted, under his breath.

"I thought I would never see you again." I whispered back. I rested my head on his chest and spent a moment enjoying the safe feeling of being wrapped in his arms.

"How did you know where to find me?" I asked finally.

"A little while before I was expecting you back at the house, Alice called. She told me that you disappeared. Your whole future was just gone. I panicked. Alice doesn't have blind spots; I thought it could only mean one thing. I thought…" his voice broke and he closed his eyes in pain. He took a deep breath before starting again. "I couldn't believe that something would come between us just when everything seemed to be working out so perfectly. As soon as I got the phone call, I followed your scent to the cemetery. I trailed you for a little while, but then I lost you because the stink of those mutts was too strong."

"One of those _mutts_ is a good friend of Charlie's and used to be a friend of mine," I interjected.

"You're defending them?" Edward asked incredulously. "They were going to kill you, Bella."

I shuddered. "I know they wanted to, but I don't think Jacob would have done anything, not really. But that doesn't explain..." I trailed off as I realised what had happened. "Wait, you tracked Jacob's thoughts didn't you?"

He nodded. "As soon as Jacob recognised you, he started screaming a lament in his head. It was driving the other wolves crazy. That's why he ended up phasing back to human form to talk to you."

"What do you mean by he drove the other wolves crazy?"

He grinned slyly, clearly pleased at having discovered a secret about his enemy. "They share a connection, similar to my ability, but only when they are in wolf form. That's why we were able to take advantage of that one moment of indecision. The other wolves had no idea why Jacob couldn't finish you."

"Do you mean that they hear each other's thoughts?"

"Yes. It's actually an intriguing thing to listen to, or at least it would be if they weren't thinking about..."

I nodded; he didn't need to finish the sentence for me to understand _exactly_ what the wolves had been thinking about.

Edward kissed the top of my head and held me tighter for a few more moments. When he dropped his arms, he became entirely focused on the task at hand. He pulled his phone and wallet out of his pocket. The phone was soaking wet and I knew it would be useless. Edward quickly pulled off the back cover and ripped out the battery before removing the sim card. He tucked the sim safely away in his pocket before crushing the phone until it was almost unrecognisable. Then he dug a small hole to bury the twisted remnants.

He opened his wallet and inspected the damage. Luckily the lining was made of some sort of waterproof material and his money had been safely zipped up inside.

"Let's go," he said, gently grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the beach.

We walked at slightly faster than human speed, anxious to keep moving, but worried about drawing too much attention to ourselves. Especially considering both of us were soaked through and at constant risk of having our skin give away our true nature. Luckily the cloud cover was fairly thick and it was heading towards twilight. Once night fell, we would have one less cause for concern.

After an hour, we passed a small convenience store aimed at tourists, selling knick-knacks and high-priced souvenir clothing. Edward left me outside while he went in and purchased a pair of sunglasses to cover my eyes. He also came back out with two tacky t-shirts.

"We will look less conspicuous if we are dry," he explained as he threw one of the shirts my way.

Once night had fallen, we risked periods of running. Edward seemed to have an idea of where he was headed but I was utterly clueless. I didn't even know what state we were in. When we came to the next small town, he went into a 24-hour convenience store, coming out with a pre-paid phone. We retreated quickly away from the general populace—Edward didn't think it was the best time to test my ability to withstand human blood—before he pulled out the new cell phone and dialled a number from memory.

"Carlisle," he mouthed to me, letting me know who he was calling.

But it was Alice who answered the call, I had no trouble hearing her side of the conversation. "Edward, I can't even begin to tell you how happy we all are that you're both safe."

"Alice, can you arrange for flights for the two of us? I think we need to come home, we might have some trouble."

"Tell me about it!"

"One of the wolves in particular is going to be difficult."

"Wolves?" Alice clearly sounded confused.

"That's why you couldn't see Bella when we were in Forks, the wolves from La Push found her. Ask Carlisle about it, he made the treaty. Tell him they're back, and they want a war." He paused for a second, before realising that Alice had mentioned trouble, but didn't seem to know about the wolves. "Wait, isn't that what you meant?"

"Not exactly." Alice sounded evasive.

"What did you mean then?" Edward pushed.

"Victoria."

"Victoria?" I could hear the genuine surprise in his voice. "What about her?"

"She passed by Forks and decided to check up on us, and on Bella. Edward, she wants revenge."

Edward sighed heavily. "I knew it could come to this…"

"She caught Bella's vampire scent at Charlie's house."

"Bella?" Edward watched me cautiously.

"She is very set on her course…she wants Bella dead."

"Bella?" Edward repeated, swallowing heavily. "But why? Why not me?"

"You killed her mate, she wants to kill..." A strange silence fell over the phone line.

Edward immediately knew what was happening. "Alice, what did you see?"

"Charlie. He thinks Bella might still be alive. I think someone has told him something."

I shook my head. Charlie knew I was dead; he had been too broken at my funeral to think anything else.

"He is trying to find _you_, Edward," Alice continued. "Someone has told him you were involved in Bella's disappearance. He's trying to find us all."

I gasped.

"Jacob," Edward hissed, his voice filled with venom.

Something nagged in my brain, but I struggled to work out what it was. If Jacob had told Charlie that I was still alive, I was almost certain Charlie would want to look for me. That would take him out of the safety of Forks. "Charlie!" I exclaimed suddenly worried.

Edward reached out for my hand, and I offered it up freely, taking every ounce of comfort I could from him.

Suddenly the nagging voice in my brain bloomed into full blown panic. "Victoria," I murmured, almost afraid to voice my concerns.

"What?"

"If he's going to try to find me, it will put him in the path of others who are trying to find me."

I could see by the way his eyes tightened, Edward realised what I meant.

I started to pace. "Victoria knows where my mom lives too."

"It's OK, Bella." Edward tried to calm me, rubbing his hand gently on my back. "We won't let her hurt your family."

"Alice?" Edward asked.

"I'll get Emmett and Jasper to come to you, they'll drive so you'll at least have a car in case you need to change course suddenly. Bella lost her ID in Forks, so she won't be able to fly yet anyway." Then she fell silent again. "Oh no..."

"What is it Alice?" Edward breathed.

"Charlie is going to find Bella's ID at our old house."

"So?"

"Her _new_ ID, the one Jasper had made so she could fly to us."

Edward still looked confused.

"It's in the name Marie Dwyer," I whispered, shocked. I sighed. "It means Charlie will know there was something I was hiding, and if he finds it at your old house, he will connect it with you. That and whatever Jacob has told him, will certainly give him just enough new hope."

"Which means…" Alice began, but I beat her to it.

"It means nothing will stop him trying to find me now."

"Alice, when will Jasper and Emmett be here?"

"Tomorrow after lunch. One forty-five to be precise. You'll want to find a motel. The sun will be out all day, so they will have to stay out of sight until nightfall."

"Alice can you get them to bring me a new..."

"Yes, they'll bring you a phone and passport. Jasper will bring his laptop and make another set of ID for Bella."

"Thanks." Edward said before snapping the phone shut. He sighed. "I guess we better go find a motel then, hopefully we can do some planning before the others get here."

I was terrified for my father's safety, and anxious that everything was coming at us from so many different angles. But despite my concerns, I realised that I was being forced to spend an entire day stuck indoors with Edward. I realised that maybe the whole fugitive thing wouldn't be _all_ bad.

~0~


	9. Stuck Indoors

**Chapter 9: Stuck Indoors**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

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"Damn Jacob to hell," I said for at least the fifteenth time. Even though Edward and I had booked into the motel hours ago, and had attempted various other conversations, I always found myself coming back to Jacob…and Charlie. "Why on earth would he tell Charlie that I'm still alive? I mean what does he think it's going to achieve?"

"I don't know, Love. He didn't think of the plan until after we had left, I know that much. Maybe he thinks…"

"What? What does he think?" My voice dripped with sarcasm that wasn't aimed at Edward. "That Charlie will somehow convince me to move back with him to Forks? I just don't understand what Jacob wants . After all, I am a _bloodsucker_ now. Even if I wanted to, I can't change that. I can't go back to who I was, or just pretend that nothing's happened."

Edward was oddly silent. I turned to find out why, and couldn't miss the pained look deep in his eyes. He looked away quickly, but not before I realised he had misunderstood me.

I quickly crossed the room to embrace him. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel guilty or brood over what I was now. I stood on my tip toes, before cupping his face with one of my hands and guiding it to force him to meet my eyes. When I spoke it was with complete conviction and without any waver in my voice. "I don't regret the decision, Edward. _My _decision, not even for one second." I rubbed my thumb gently along his cheek to try to soothe him. "I love that we have the whole of forever to be together. We just have to get through this first."

He sighed, but the sorrow left his eyes. "We will love," he murmured back, taking my face in his hands. "Even if it means that we have to spend the next eighty years living by ourselves on a deserted island somewhere, we will get through this."

I smiled at him. "Don't tempt me."

He slid his hands gently from my face down to my waist, wrapping his arms around me and pulling my body off the floor. I closed my eyes in anticipation as his lips touched mine softly, willing him to deepen the kiss, but he never did. Instead he placed me back on the floor with a small groan of regret.

"We need to sort out the situation with Victoria first. We need to make sure Charlie is safe." He brushed a strand of hair off my face, tucking it behind my ear before pulling me tightly to him again.

I nodded against his chest. "But how?"

"We hunt," he said. I looked up to his face and it was wearing a mask of fierce determination.

I was confused. "I don't understand how that will help?"

He chuckled. "I don't mean hunting in the normal sense. I mean, we hunt Victoria, as soon as Jasper and Emmett get here. I won't allow any more harm to come to you."

I froze, remembering what had happened the last time he thought I was in danger. "No, please…don't leave me again," I begged in a quiet whisper. The thought of the pain I had endured the first time was almost too much; I couldn't bear to think how it would feel with my heightened emotions.

"Never again," he said emphatically. I felt him squeeze me a little tighter, something he would never have dared before he left me. "Not even for a day."

I surrendered myself completely to his embrace, allowing the seconds to tick by in silence. I had a thought forming, and I wasn't sure how he would take it. In fact, I was certain it wouldn't go over well. I took a deep breath. "Can you train me how to fight?" I asked quietly.

His whole body stiffened in my arms and I knew my question hadn't been well received.

"I just…I don't want to get into another situation like the one with the wolves and not even know the basics." I looked up to his face and could clearly see the conflict raging underneath. I knew I was playing dirty to tip the scales in my favour, but I didn't care. I wanted to stay safe, as much for his sake as mine. "Please Edward? Don't leave me unable to defend myself."

"I don't know if I can."

I began to tense in response, but he immediately began to explain himself. "Bella, I understand. Really, I do. And I agree with you. I think you do need to know at least some basic fighting techniques."

"I don't understand why you won't teach me then?"

"I just don't know if I _can_ teach you. Even now, thinking about attacking you." He shuddered. "I just _can't_."

I tried to consider what he was saying. I pictured Edward as the enemy and tried to think of ways to attack him. Even with the memory of the anger that had coursed through me early on, I couldn't do it.

He chuckled darkly. "See what I mean?"

I nodded, but then realised that there was another option "Let me see if I have this right. You don't have a problem with me learning to defend myself, as such? You just can't be the one who teaches me?"

He hummed his agreement, the sound vibrating deliciously against my ear as he did.

"So you wouldn't object if I asked Jasper or Emmett?"

He deliberated for a moment. "I guess not," he said slowly. "But to be honest, I don't know how much time we will have. We'll have to be on the move after tonight. I have no doubt Charlie has given our details to as many police stations as he can." He chuckled again. "In fact, if you inherited your stubbornness from him, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd called in the FBI."

I froze every bit as completely as Edward usually did. The thought hadn't occurred to me, but I realised it highly likely that Charlie would have roped in every law enforcement agency he could. It wasn't like the Cullens ever just blended in seamlessly either, their pale complexions and good looks kind of drew attention, and now I could be added to that list too.

"Damn Jacob Black to hell," I said, pushing away from Edward and kicking the wall in frustration. My foot went straight through the soft plasterboard with a light thump; I hadn't thought I had kicked it _that_ hard.

Edward burst out laughing as I shook my foot to clear the powder and debris.

"Glad I can entertain you," I muttered bitterly. I glared at him until he wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me close to his chest. It was hard to concentrate on being angry when I was so close to him.

He slid one hand to my chin and pulled my lips to his. He gave me another soft kiss. "We still have six hours before Jasper and Emmett will be here. What would you like to do in the meantime?"

One drawback of the cheap motel is there was no cable and no internet, in fact there was precious little in the form of entertainment. A tiny TV perched precariously on an even tinier stand at the foot of the bed. An old, worn single-seater chair, which looked like it was home to at least a hundred different types of bugs, sat in the far corner next to a small weathered dining table with a phone, paper and pen resting on top. Despite the lack of external stimulation though, I could easily think of something that I wanted to do. I focused all of my attention back on Edward, grinning madly at him. "Oh, I can think of something."

I stood up onto my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his, before running my tongue softly over his bottom lip. When he bent to return the kiss, I grabbed his hands and dragged him across to the bed without breaking the contact of our lips. At the last second, I turned us both around before pushing him lightly so that he was sitting on the side of the bed. I leant over him, bringing my lips back to his and grasping desperately at his hair. As his lips parted to make way for my tongue, I dipped down to reach him better, bringing my legs around the outside of his so that my bent knees were resting against the side of the mattress. His hands reached for my hips and he pulled me toward him, so close that I was perched in his lap. We both deepened the kiss further, allowing hands to roam freely along the outside of each other's clothes.

Edward moaned softly into my mouth. "So good," he whispered.

His eyes were closed and I took a brief moment to study the look of ecstasy on his face. He really was beautiful, and he was mine. I wanted to shout from the rooftops to celebrate that fact. In the brief moment I had paused to watch him, I had missed the fact that his hands had come back to rest on my hips. He flipped me suddenly and I found myself lying on my back on the bed with Edward's weight perched between my legs. I groaned lightly and pushed my hips higher, trying to find some friction. He kissed me gently at first, but the kisses became fiercer with every passing second. I felt a longing and need unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I pulled him even closer to me, and my breath became stuttered, coming in fast, sharp bursts. I ran my hands down the length of his spine, before hitching up his t-shirt and running my fingers across the small of his back. When I opened my eyes I saw him staring at me, his eyes dark with lust and I knew it was time. I began to pull his shirt up higher, seeking to remove it completely.

Suddenly, his weight was gone and he was on the other side of the room, yanking his hands through his hair in frustration.

I pushed myself up onto my elbows. "What is it?" I asked, afraid I'd done something wrong, yet knowing that he wasn't resisting for the same reasons he had before_. Is there something he doesn't like about me? Does he miss my old scent, my warmth or my heartbeat_?

"I can't, Bella," he whispered.

Although we'd had this argument once or twice while we were still in Forks, it hurt when he pulled away. I couldn't understand why he _still_ didn't want me in that way. It made old insecurities resurface. They reminded me that he left me before, and whispered that maybe when he told me he had always loved me _that_ was the lie.

"Not now," he murmured. "Not like this."

I was glad I could no longer cry, although I couldn't completely stop my voice wavering as I spoke. "Edward, you always stopped us going any further because I was breakable. I understand that, maybe even more now than I ever did." I could still feel the plasterboard clinging lightly to my leg as a reminder of just how unbreakable I was now. "But I'm not breakable anymore." _At least not in _that_ sense_, I added to myself.

He seemed to realise his rejection had hurt me because he returned to my side and lay down next to me. "I can't do it like this, not in some sleazy motel in the middle of nowhere. I want our first time to be somewhere special, something special."

"I don't understand," I admitted.

I could feel him tugging at his hair again as he spoke. "I don't know how to explain this right." He sighed. "I was raised in a different era. Men and women did _things_ the right way then."

I rolled onto my side so that we were face to face. "By _right way_ you mean..."

He looked at me earnestly, before reaching out and tenderly running one finger down my cheek.

"Marry me, Bella."

I knew he was asking, but somehow it seemed to come out as a statement and not a question. He wanted it that badly that he couldn't imagine me saying no.

I couldn't help the nervous chuckle that burst from my lips. "Excuse me?"

"Bella, I love you more than anything in the world. I want you so much that it's physically painful, but I want to do this the right way. I want to wait until we're married."

"It's not like we can actually have a wedding. We can't just invite everyone we know for a party. We're on the run from the law, from the wolves and from Victoria. Remember?"

"I know Bella, but I don't care about any of the pomp and ceremony. I just care about promising myself to you forever and you promising the same before we go any further."

"So you _do_ want to go further?" I clarified.

He groaned. "So badly."

"Of course I want you Edward. I will forever. For every single day of forever."

He pulled a small box out of his pocket, I recognised it as the package he had picked up from the steps of his old house, although it was a little worse for wear and waterlogged now. He gently pulled open the lid. "It was my mother's ring. I wanted to propose somewhere special, like in our meadow. Alice obviously saw that decision when we reunited and sent the ring to me."

"Alice's joke?"

He nodded, his eyes showing his sadness at the situation he had been forced by circumstance into. "Everything has happened so quickly; I just wish I was able to do this properly."

I laughed lightly. "Edward, surely you of all people know that life's not about perfection. Look at our relationship so far, it's been subjected to far from perfect circumstances. But we've pushed through them. Life is about making the best out of the situation you face, and we've faced some of the worst of them. Don't you understand, it doesn't matter if you had asked me in the meadow, here, or while we were fleeing to that desert island you mentioned before, my answer would always be the same."

His whole being seemed to droop, and he turned the top half of his body away from me. I didn't need Jasper's ability to sense emotions to know that he was disappointed. He had misunderstood me once again.

"Edward," I guided his face back toward me. "My answer would be yes regardless of how or where you asked."

It took a second for my words to register, but when they did, the change was remarkable. A smile brighter than a child's on Christmas morning lit up his face. His joy was unrestrained; his body literally vibrating with happiness. If I had ever had doubts about how he truly felt about me, his reaction to my declaration erased them all. I pulled him closer to me for another kiss and the unbridled passion that radiated between us was mind-blowing. Somehow, he even managed to slip the ring onto my finger while I was distracted.

"It doesn't solve our problems though," I said to him after our lips parted.

"I know, but you can't imagine how unbelievably happy it makes me knowing that you really do want to be mine forever."

"How could you ever doubt it?"

"I don't know. I guess it's hard for me to fathom that I could be so lucky to deserve your love."

"Silly, you are talking in reverse." I smiled at him. "How did _I_ ever deserve _you_?"

He grabbed my left hand and kissed the finger that was now wearing his ring.

"So, how are we going to do this?" I tried not to make a face while I asked. "The wedding I mean. There isn't much point waiting too long." In fact, I could think of a number of reasons to speed it up as much as possible.

"We can drive to Vegas." He laughed, clearly not missing my not-too-subtle hint.

"Don't tempt me," I growled.

"Actually, Carlisle is ordained so he can marry us as soon as we are able to meet up again. We can have a nice, little family affair."

"That actually sounds really good." I knew nothing more would happen between me and Edward while he waited for his brothers.

"So how long until Emmett and Jasper arrive now?"

~0~

**A/N:- *Waves* Hi everyone who is still with me, just wanted to say thank you!**


	10. Fight Club

**Chapter 10: Fight Club**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

For the rest of the day, Edward and I stayed in the room. It was amazing that no matter how much time we spent together, we were always able to find things to discuss; although I somehow kept steering the conversation back to discuss Jacob's decision to rat me out to Charlie.

When Edward and I talked, or made out, I noticed his eyes regularly flick to the ring that was adorning my finger. The thirtieth time I saw his eyes wander in that direction, I finally asked, "You like seeing your ring on my finger, don't you?"

He beamed. "You can't even begin to imagine how much."

There was a knock on the door. I was surprised to notice that it was already dusk. I looked over to Edward to confirm that it was who we were expecting. "It's Emmett and Jasper," he said as he walked to open the door.

Seeing their faces brought our last meeting to the front of my mind. I remembered how rude I'd been, fighting them off to leave the house. Embarrassment rolled through me. Jasper looked from me to Edward and back again before laughing. "We're not interrupting anything, are we?"

"No. Why..." then I realised what he was implying. Edward's joy and my humiliation could be interpreted in a completely different way. "No, no," I said quickly. "Definitely not. Edward and I were just talking."

"Sure, '_talking'_." Emmett winked at me. I was incredibly glad I couldn't blush anymore, but it didn't stop me feeling another wave of mortification.

"Thanks for coming so quickly," Edward said to them.

"We would have been here sooner, but the sun kept us confined to the outskirts of town," said Jasper.

I was glad Jasper was all business; it provided me with a distraction from Emmett and his twitchy eye. "The Jeep doesn't exactly provide the best protection from the sun."

"Why didn't you bring Carlisle's Merc–" Edward stopped mid-sentence. I realised what he was hearing; that I had borrowed the Mercedes when I left their family. The look on Edward's face confused me though, it was absolutely horror-struck. I couldn't understand that look, I had left Carlisle's car in Port Angeles which was a pain, but it was somewhere that it wouldn't draw attention to itself, so we could just wait until this blew over and go get it. It wasn't as if the car was gone forever.

"When did that happen?" Edward asked concerned. Someone obviously answered him with their thoughts because his voice dropped even lower. "And they have left the house already?"

"What is it? What's happening?" I asked, knowing I had obviously missed something important.

Edward turned to me. "The police found the Mercedes. They think it's a coincidence and won't open an investigation, but it has increased Charlie's suspicions about your disappearance. It corroborates both what Jacob told him and the ID he found. Charlie is determined now. He's taking a leave of absence purely to search for you."

I frowned. Charlie was tenacious, but all he had was the word of Jacob Black and an ID. Even with the Mercedes thrown into the mix, surely he didn't have any leads to follow?

Edward continued and my stomach plunged deeper with each word. "The paperwork in the Mercedes and your ID both had the same address, our home address in New York. Everyone had to move on again. With Emmett and Jasper leaving anyway, they decided the best option was to split up. Alice will contact us once they've found somewhere new to settle."

There wasn't even a hint of blame or accusation in his voice, but I couldn't help but feel guilty. "I'm so sorry." I looked between the three of them. Their family was fractured and in danger and it was all because I had decided to drag them into my own personal revenge plan against Edward.

"It's not your fault, Bella," Edward said gently.

"It is," I sighed. "I've done nothing but screw up since I was changed. Maybe that is my special gift—bad luck. Maybe that's what I bought forward with me into this life."

Edward pulled me into his chest. "Bella, don't be absurd. I would have done exactly the same thing in your circumstance. It _would_ have been stupid to drive the car straight into the middle of Forks. Leaving it in Port Angeles was actually a really smart move."

"But forgetting about it?" I challenged with an eyebrow raised.

"Well, that wasn't quite as smart," he admitted. "But that's my fault, I distracted you." He put his finger under my chin and drew my head up so that my eyes met his. I smiled grudgingly. He suddenly laughed and I cocked my head to the side, wanting to know what was so funny. "Emmett is dying for a rematch," he murmured before looking at Emmett. "A rematch of what?" He laughed again and I had no doubt it was because Emmett was running through our last meeting, when I had run from them after waking to my new life.

"I'm sorry about that Emmett. I didn't hurt you, did I?" I almost giggled at the thought of _me_ hurting Emmett.

"Nah, just my pride," he laughed. "I'm serious about the rematch though." He cracked his knuckles. "Eventually that newborn strength will wear off, and then, my dear, it will be on. It will be on like Donkey Kong."

I grinned. Emmett made things so much easier sometimes. I wasn't as worried about my extremely rude behaviour on waking anymore. "Actually, that ties in perfectly with what I had planned," I said.

"Oh really, dear Sis?" Emmett grinned again. "And what exactly is that?"

"I want you and Jasper to teach me how to fight."

Emmett looked at Edward in confusion. "Huh? Why aren't you teaching her? You're as good as any of us." I could tell he hated admitting it. "Are you afraid she will beat you if you can't cheat and use your _advantages_?" He chuckled.

If looks could kill, Emmett would have been a dead man…vampire.

"Why don't you wrestle Rosalie?" Edward shot back at him.

"I _wrestle_ Rosalie all the time," Emmett leered back. The look on Edward's face confirmed that the double entendre in Emmett's words was completely intended.

"Could you treat her like a threat and plan the best way to kill her, so that you can teach her the best ways to defend herself?"

Emmett held his hands up in defence. "OK, I get your point. It's not going to be that much fun doing that with Bella, but with Rosie." He shook his head.

"I'll do what I can to help too," Jasper said, regarding me carefully. "You know I have quite a bit of experience in that area."

Edward frowned but nodded. I left it at that for now, but made a mental note to ask Jasper about his experience later.

"Let's go," Edward said, effectively telling everyone that the conversation was done. I could tell he still wasn't completely comfortable about it, but at least he was willing to go along with it. "I feel like we have already been stationary for too long."

"Just an hour more," said Emmett. "We've got one more vital mission to complete first."

I looked between the three boys in confusion. Edward grimaced just as Jasper disappeared out the door only to reappear a minute later with two suitcases, throwing one at me and the other at Edward. "Alice made me," he apologised.

I pulled open the suitcases and inspected the clothes Alice had packed for me. Just like the last bag she had arranged, she actually seemed to have made some good choices. Okay, they were all designer labels, which weren't exactly a necessity for what we would be going through, but they all looked fairly hard-wearing and mostly comfortable. There were no six-inch pumps at least.

Edward and I had quick showers—separately—to wash the salt and grime off of us, before dressing in our new clothes. Once everyone was dressed and repacked, we quickly piled into the Jeep and headed out of town. We needed to put as many miles as possible between us and the motel because it would arouse suspicion when we didn't check out in the morning. We hoped the sizable 'donation' that we'd left on the tiny table would appease the owners and stop them reporting our disappearance, or the damage I had inflicted on the innocent wall.

As we passed through the outskirts of town, I saw a sign that announced we were now leaving Leggett, California. I couldn't stop the chuckle that rose in my throat as I read the very appropriate town name. The chuckle died on my lips as Jasper's phone rang. He didn't talk, even to issue a greeting, instead he just listened to Alice as she told him about her latest vision before hanging up. I listened with ever increasing horror as she explained that Charlie had just landed in New York to follow-up the lead the address on my ID had given him. He was going to visit the Cullen's house before plastering the area with 'missing' posters. She then explained that she had seen him find Teddy, the boy I had kissed and come so close to drinking from, working at a convenience store. Even before she said it, I knew it would be all the confirmation Charlie would need. It would have been hard enough for him to suspect that I was still alive and not know for sure. But having confirmation meant that he wouldn't rest until he found me again. Now that his suspicions about the Cullen's involvement had been reinforced, he would come after them hard, using any and all resources available. Alice confirmed that he wouldn't be able to get other law enforcement agencies actively involved just yet, at least while the departments handballed responsibility of evidence of a girl back from the dead. He would be alone in his search, but that wouldn't keep him safe from Victoria.

"What can we do?" I asked as soon as the phone call ended.

"I think the plan needs to stay the same," Edward said. "We still need to keep him away from Victoria. I think we need to lay a series of leads for the two of them to follow up. We can only hope that we can make the sightings scattered enough that we can reduce the risk of the two of them running into one another. Then we try to follow Victoria's scent. Once the danger has past, we can work out what to do about Charlie."

The plan was to drive as far as possible each night, stopping every so often for either Edward or I to be sighted, but always away from the Jeep, then camp out each day to hunt and start my fight training.

~ 0 ~

A feral snarl issued from the hulking beast in front of me. He was at least twice, maybe even three times, my size. The venom coating each of his razor-sharp teeth glinted fiercely in the sunlight as his lips curled back into a crude grin. His skin refracted the sunlight, sending multi-hued reflections in every direction. If my eyesight hadn't been as refined as it was, I might not have been able to make out each individual muscle flexing in anticipation of his attack. But it was, so I could.

I was waiting. I knew an attack was coming, I just didn't know whether it would be the hulk in front of me who would launch first. A twig snapped to the left of me. I spun around quickly to face that direction, before realising my mistake. I had turned away from a threat. Before I could correct my error and position myself to see both the existing threat and the new one, I was swept off my feet and pushed back a few feet. Edward crouched low and protectively in front of me. Emmett stopped snarling and Jasper came out of his hiding place to my left.

"Edward, you have to give her a chance to protect herself," Jasper said.

Jasper's idea of fight training started with trying to ascertain my instinctive fighting style by simulating an actual fight. The only problem was, each time either Jasper or Emmett came within attacking range, Edward's instinct to protect me was too strong and he would interject himself to 'save' me.

Edward turned to me and grimaced apologetically, before pinching the bridge of his nose, no doubt trying to quell the shouting in his head. "I know, it's just too hard hearing you plotting against Bella like that."

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. "Maybe it's better if you don't watch for a while?" I suggested. I hated asking him to leave, but I needed to try fighting without him.

He agreed reluctantly, holding me for a number of minutes before leaving me at the mercy of his brothers. Once Edward was far enough away, the brutality began. Both Emmett and Jasper took my desire to be trained completely seriously and neither of them went easy on me. Night fell and it was time to move on to our next location to lay our series of leads. I was sore and mentally fatigued. I needed to clear my mind of everything else and just run.

When Edward returned, he looked as awful as I felt. After agreeing on a destination with Emmett and Jasper, we took off through the forests toward Portland, Oregon. Hand in hand we covered the miles, always staying within range of the Jeep so that we would be aware of any emergencies. We arrived early in the evening, and made a number of appearances in and around Portland. We made no effort to stay concealed. We flirted with waitresses and clerks and did everything in our power to draw people's attention, without giving away our true nature of course. Within two hours of arriving, we were back in the Jeep and heading out of town.

The next week continued in much the same fashion. Each day Emmett and Jasper would take turns showing me new ways to combat an enemy, and each night we would move on to a new location to lay false trails for both Victoria and Charlie.

With each passing day, I learned so much. Jasper and Emmett taught me how to find the opponent's weak spots, how to use my peripheral vision to spot other potential threats and how to deal with multiple combatants. I found I had a natural talent for fighting which I found bizarre considering I'd never had a talent for anything remotely physical when I was human. Each day while Jasper, Emmett and I trained, Edward would call Alice to get the latest update on Charlie; where he was, who he was speaking with, what leads he would follow up next. Alice also gave Edward whatever information she could on Victoria, whenever she could actually see her.

Luckily our plan had worked so far. Charlie and Victoria seemed to be bouncing along on opposite trails to one another. But I knew it was only a matter of time before they would follow up on the same lead. I couldn't even bear to think what would happen if they crossed paths and Charlie happened to ask Victoria about Edward or me. My mind kept playing what I had said to Edward about bringing my bad luck with me into this new life on repeat. If I had, it was only a matter of days before the worst happened and their paths did cross. But I knew that whether or not I was unlucky, I couldn't keep relying on odds and circumstance to keep Charlie safe. I needed to do _something_. I knew what that something was; it was just hard to achieve it. I raised the idea of doing more with Edward and while he agreed in principle, he had no ideas of how. All of our efforts to double back and track Victoria had been unsuccessful. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to do something to secure my father's safety.

The next day during training, I lifted Jasper's phone out of his pocket. I knew it was one of the untraceable ones, like the ones they had used when tracking James, which was an absolute necessity for what I had in mind. I couldn't risk the others finding me once I put my plan into action. It was only that my nerves had been so high all week that Jasper didn't notice anything different about my emotional state—he could only sense emotions, not understand the reason for them.

After I had the phone secured in my pocket, I told Emmett and Jasper that I needed a break for a while. They decided to have a wrestling match of their own, something they'd been dying to do since beginning the training. With no one to stop them, and nothing to break but some trees, they really went for it. Guttural growls issued from them, masking any sound I could make as I ran. As they fought, they moved further and further away from me which made it easier for me to turn and steal away unnoticed.

At first I picked my way through the bracken desperately quietly. But as soon as I was a safe distance away, I ran blindly as fast as I could. I clenched my fists and thought about the danger my father was in to propel me to further away from Edward, otherwise I could never have left.

A few miles away, I found a lake. I quickly wrapped my wallet and phone in a plastic bag I had with me for exactly that purpose, I swam through it diagonally, hoping it would hide my scent and give me a few more precious moments of freedom to force more distance between me and my soon-would-be pursuers.

I couldn't think about the three I had left behind, or I would turn around and run back to them just as quickly as I had left. I couldn't even think about Edward without my steps faltering. As soon as I hit the other side of the lake, I ran faster still.

The phone rang and I pulled it out of its protective plastic wrapping. I hoped, and dreaded, that it would be Edward, trying to find out why I had left. I wasn't sure I would be able to answer it if it was him. I looked at the number, relieved and disappointed when I saw that it wasn't Edward. When I read the screen, I knew the best thing to do was to answer it. If I ignored Alice she would call Emmett or Edward and they would know about me running away that little bit too soon, and she would be able to tell them how to follow me.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing?" she hissed before I even had a chance to say hello.

I decided an attack was the best form of defence. "Alice, you can see my decision. Is it going to work?"

She seemed reluctant to answer at first. "As far as I can see it might, but Bella there are too many unknowns, too many decisions still to be made. I can't be certain, and–"

I cut her off. "As long as it's still working in your vision, please leave me to it?"

"But why?"

"I have to do _something_, Alice, I can't just sit back and wait for something to happen to Charlie. At least if he's back in Forks we'll know if Victoria is heading that way."

"I get it, I do, but you're taking a huge risk. You're still a newborn, anything could happen."

"I know. Trust me, I know that more than anyone, but I just…I can't think about the alternative."

She sighed and I could tell I was winning her over. "You should have at least taken Edward with you," she murmured.

"I couldn't. Surely you've seen what he was like during training? What if something happened?" I couldn't begin to imagine the guilt I would feel if something happened to Edward because he was trying to protect me.

"I don't like the idea of you being alone."

"Please…don't tell Edward where I am or where I'm heading," I begged.

"And what if it isn't going to work?" She sounded genuinely concerned, and torn. "What if something happens to you?"

"Then you can tell him."

"But, Bella, what if you get hurt? I can't lose my sister or have my brother lose his wife."

"What?" I asked, shocked at her last word.

"Huh?" Alice didn't even seem to realise what she had said.

"You said you don't want your brother to lose his wife," I whispered.

She giggled nervously. "Sorry…my slip up. It's just a vision I've been having so regularly, and with such veracity that I've just started to think of you that way. It's one of the perils of my gift."

I nodded to myself, but then a sickening thought struck me. _What if my leaving made him change his mind? Could he be so upset with me that he would no longer want to marry me?_ "Is it still strong?" I asked with just a little bit too much desperation in my voice.

Alice was silent for a few moments. "It's not…it's not as strong as it was before. Something must have happened to change it..."

My breathing hitched. _He won't forgive me for leaving him_. I was torn in two, half of me needing to run back to Edward and apologise and the other half wanting nothing more than my dad's safety.

"Bella, it's okay," she said soothingly. "It _is_ still there. It's wavering slightly, but I have had many weaker visions come to pass. I just think there are a few _unknowns_ in the equations now that weren't there before."

_Right, like me running away from Edward and him needing to decide whether or not he still loves me,_ I thought bitterly. I needed him beside me desperately, and I was already craving his scent and touch, but I couldn't focus on any of those things. I had to concentrate hard just to keep putting one foot in front of the other as I headed away from him. I needed to get off the phone before my resolve faltered completely. "Please Alice, not a word until it goes wrong."

"Bella, I wish you wouldn't ask me to do this."

"I know, but I have and you love me so you'll help me out with this…won't you?" I tried to make my tone unquestioning, but failed miserably.

"Fine. But you owe me."

"Fine. I'll let you take me shopping one day."

"And?" Her voice was slightly perkier, so I knew my promise would hopefully be enough to sway her. If only there was something I could promise to tip her over the line so that she was firmly on my side.

"And I won't complain once about what you buy me and I promise to wear it all." I knew I would regret saying it, but I needed an ally.

"Yay!"

"Thanks, Alice." As I hung up the phone, relief flooded though me. I had at least one friend I could count on. I knew Edward wouldn't agree to my plan, but there was nothing else I could do. I had to get Charlie out of danger's way somehow.

~0~


	11. Chasing Charlie

**Chapter 11: Chasing Charlie**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me. _

~ 0 ~

I ran without purpose and without direction, my only mindset was trying to put some distance between Edward and I so that he didn't end up suffering any fallout from my plan. As I pushed myself across the country, I kept as far away from highways and people as possible. It was easier than I thought; I used my improved hearing to tell how far away things were and assess any possible danger. Despite my precautions, I still ensured I was running fast enough that even if someone happened to see me, I would be gone before they could process what they had seen. I could only imagine what I would look like, a shooting star maybe, glittering as I shot past at high speeds.

Each time I smelled fresh water nearby, I headed for it, swimming through it, always crossing at odd angles. I hoped it would continue to give me a few more minutes of extra time because I knew without a doubt that Edward would be tracking me by now. I wished there was some way I could have told him what I was going to do, but I knew he would never have agreed to it. If I'd have thought he would understand my plan, I would have taken the time to explain it and ensured he kept his attention focussed on Victoria. But I knew there nothing I could do about it. I could have tried to get Alice to help me, but while she may have agreed to keep my destination a secret, I knew she wouldn't be able to convince Edward not to follow me.

My biggest problem was that while I'd decided I would track Charlie down, I didn't know what to do about it. I wasn't sure whether to speak to him and try to convince him I was happy and to go back to his life, or simply follow him silently to ensure his safety. Both plans had their advantages and drawbacks. If I actually spoke to him what could I say? What possible excuse could I come up with for what I looked like now and why I had faked my own death? On the other hand, if I simply shadowed his steps it risked drawing Victoria's attention to him. I considered my options further as I ran. Of course, both decisions were complicated by the fact that Charlie could have chosen to follow up any number of our false leads so I didn't know where he would be. Again, I knew I could have called Alice, but there was just as much chance I would get one of the other Cullens, or perhaps even Edward, and I knew my nerves would falter if I did that.

I felt a strong urge to start my search in the outskirts of Portland. I don't know what drove me there, except it was where we started our plan and I thought it would be a good place to start looking. I risked venturing close enough to towns only to see if I was heading in the right direction, and made corrections as necessary.

It was night by the time I arrived and I closed my eyes, trying to work out where to start. I remembered a restaurant that Edward had entered to gain attention. He'd flirted with the hostess there, something which was sure to cement him in their memory. I knew first-hand what it was like when Edward turned on his charm. When I opened my eyes, I figured the restaurant would be worth a visit. I didn't know what was pulling me in that direction, but I felt the same compulsion I had before.. I picked my way through the darkened streets until I was at the side of the restaurant.

I stepped toward the doors, carefully avoiding the prying eyes of the people flowing out onto the sidewalk, but stopped suddenly when I spotted Charlie. Despite the pull to come to this precise spot, I hadn't actually expected to find him so quickly, or so easily.

He was standing almost in the doorway, talking to a young woman. I pressed myself closer to the wall trying to keep out of his sight as I took in his appearance. He looked more like the Charlie I used to know, the way he had been before Edward left and I became catatonic. It was as if years had been wiped off his face in the time since I had last seen him, at my funeral. He still wore the concerned look of a father missing his child and his demeanour was hunched and just a little bit broken, but there was a new fire in his eyes. Something that had been almost completely absent the last time I had seen him: life.

I closed my eyes and said a silent thank you. I still couldn't believe my luck that I'd found Charlie in the first place I had searched for him. Although, as I thought about it, I wasn't completely sure it was a good thing. I still hadn't decided what I was going to do. Now that I had found him, I was lost. A large part of me wanted nothing more than to close the short distance between us, pull him into an embrace and apologise profusely for all the hurt I had caused him and Renee. That desire was incredibly problematic because I wasn't sure if I could stand being quite that close to him without risking his life. I was still a newborn, even if I had shown a modicum of self-control.

I sunk a little further into the shadows and pressed my body closer to the wall. The rough protrusions of the brick snatched at my clothing, reminding me I couldn't step back any further without doing damage to myself or the wall. I stilled completely and held my breath to listen to the conversation. The girl was telling Charlie that she had seen someone matching Edward's description. It was clear from her tale that she was the one Edward had spent a little time talking to. Charlie nodded solemnly, as if her story confirmed his suspicions about Edward. I was glad in that moment that I didn't have Edward's ability because I knew whatever Charlie thought, it wasn't nice and I wouldn't have approved.

Finally, Charlie thanked the girl and began to move away. As he walked, his shoulders slumped forward a little and a weight settled on him again. It was as if there was a constant battle between the sadness that was still overpowering him and the fire that raged, consuming him and pushing him to find out more information. He walked slowly for a few blocks, not even glancing from side to side. I followed silently behind, always in the shadows and on constant watch for an unknown threat. It felt as if Victoria might step out of any shadow at any time. If I had found him so quickly, what would stop her from finding me just as easily?

Eventually, Charlie climbed the stairs to a two-bit motel and knocked on a door on the third floor. I waited and watched from across the parking lot, trying not to feel like a deranged stalker. I wanted to know what he was doing. Was he staying in this motel? But why would he knock on the door? Perhaps he was following up on some other lead. Moments later, the door opened, letting a tiny triangle of light out onto the darkened balcony. The opening was just wide enough to let Charlie in, before swinging shut and allowing the night to swallow up the tiny illumination. Whoever had opened the door did not step into the doorway or reveal themselves in any way, leaving me curious and desperate to know more. I wondered what my father wanted with the occupant of the cheap motel, but by far the deepest curiosity came from a deep sense of wanting to know what my father was thinking. _What has he found? What has he worked out on his own? _

I stood staring at the motel for almost an hour trying to decide what I wanted to do, what I should do. Finally I managed to compose my thoughts. I knew I would be able to talk to Charlie. I still had no idea what I was going to say, but I hoped I could convince him to go back to Forks where he would be safe.

I walked up the stairs slowly, slower than human speed even, my legs felt weighted down as if they were actually made of the marble they resembled. Eventually, I reached the door and raised my hand up to knock. Just before I did, I thought about Charlie's reaction when he saw me standing in the opening, shrouded by darkness. My hand stalled. I couldn't do it. I knew I wouldn't be able to stand seeing the look on his face. I couldn't be certain whether it would be disappointment or joy, but either one would be too much for me to handle. I turned away and raced back down the stairs. As I hit the first step, I thought I heard the door click open behind me, but I chanced a look over my shoulder and the door was as silent and still as it had been when I turned away. No one was there.

I raced into a vacant lot just a block away from the motel. I fell into the long grass and began to sob in tearless agony. I just couldn't seem to make a good decision lately. Ever since Edward had left me, I had made mistake after mistake. In the end I had hurt every single person I loved. I couldn't see any possible method of fixing all of my multiple screw-ups.

For the longest time, I sat crouched over, sobbing tearlessly into my hands. I didn't know what to do or even where to begin. I wanted to try again to talk to Charlie, but was certain he was already fast asleep. I began to push myself upright but froze when I heard the sound of near-silent footsteps drawing closer to me from behind. I turned to see who it was, assuming before I did that it couldn't have been Charlie, or any other human for that matter, because no human could have walked so quietly, especially through the thick grass covering the lot. As soon as I saw the familiar figure and the look of compassion on his face, I threw myself into his arms and pressed my face into his neck, not thinking about the consequences.

Only after a fraction of a second did it occur to me why my course of action wasn't the best idea. In the split second decision that had caused me to run into his arms, I had forgotten that Jacob was a werewolf. I felt his body shake, ever so slightly at first, but then the shaking steadily grew. I tried to step away from him, knowing that he could hurt me and that I needed to get away before he had the chance. I had managed to escape last time, but only with Edward's assistance. I couldn't have gone through everything I had just to die by the hand of my former friend. But as I went to step away, Jacob did something that surprised me. His arms tightened around me in an almost loving gesture before he whispered in a pained voice, "Bella."

Sobs wracked my body again. "Jacob. I'm sorry, so sorry, for everything."

He stoked my hair gently, allowing me to sob against his chest. We stood there like that for minutes and the shaking in his body started to subside. Eventually he asked quietly, "Why did you do it?"

"Edward," I choked out. "I…I convinced myself that I wanted _this_ because it would make me strong enough to chase him. I thought I was mad at him and wanted him to suffer."

Jacob pushed me away a little, holding me at arm's length and studied my face as he spoke. "But what about Charlie and your mom?"

I looked away from his eyes. "That's why I staged the car accident," I tried to explain. "I wanted Charlie to move forward with his life. I wanted him to have closure. It's not like I could go home like this, is it?"

"Are you sure _he_ didn't force you into this?"

"No." I shook my head fiercely. "He left because he wanted me to live a normal life. He wanted me to stay human—it was the only thing we ever argued about. Before he left, he went to extreme lengths to ensure I wasn't changed. But I _died_ when he left." I felt Jacob's hands stiffen around my shoulders and he drew in a pained breath. "I know it's hard for you to hear this and I'm sorry, but it's true. I loved him from the first moment I saw him—I never had a choice in the matter."

He nodded. "I do understand, because there is someone I feel that way about too."

He brushed a strand of hair off my face and regarded me with such an earnest expression that I didn't even need to ask who he meant. I could see it deep in his eyes, and I knew I had one more person I'd hurt to add to my list. "Oh, Jake," I murmured. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, Bella, it's not your fault. You didn't ask me to feel this way."

I started to sob again. "I just keep ruining everything."

He pulled me close to him again and I sobbed until I had nothing left in me. Once I had cried enough, my senses started to return and I noticed the horrible wet-dog smell again. I pulled away slightly, my nose crinkled in disgust.

"What is it, Bella?"

"I don't mean this the wrong way, Jacob, but you stink!"

He laughed. "Yeah, well you don't smell so great yourself."

I laughed once too, but it didn't contain any real mirth. I rested my forehead against his shoulder. "How did you find me?"

"I thought I heard someone at the door of the motel, but no-one knocked. I was on alert, so when I heard a noise on the stairs, I opened the door. I recognised your scent immediately and followed you out here."

"You're in the motel?" I realised. "With Charlie?"

"Yeah, Charlie's been keeping me up to date with his search for you. He called me about a week ago to let me know he'd found some guy who'd seen you in a bar. Then he rang me again a couple of nights ago and told me he was coming here to follow up on some other reported sightings. He's so desperate to find you again. He just wants to know why you left the way you did. He's even paid for a series of TV ads. I was just worried about him, because…" Jacob looked away for a second and when he looked back his eyes were harder and colder than they had been and his voice held a certain challenge. "I didn't know if he would be in danger when he found you, so I thought it would be better if I came to look after him."

"Why did you do it, Jacob?" I asked, knowing that he hadn't intended to hurt Charlie. "Why did you tell him that I was alive?"

"I had to see him every day when he came to see my dad for support. Your death hurt him so much; it was almost as if _he_ had died. I just wanted to offer him some comfort and told him that _maybe_ there was a possibility that you were still alive. They never actually found a body after all. Apparently there was something in the way I said it that made him think I was hiding something from him. Then he went to the _bloodsuckers_ old house and found an ID with your photo but the name Marie Dwyer. Since then, he's just been searching for link after link, trying to find anything solid that will lead him to _them_. He thinks they're the key to finding you."

"He won't ever find the Cullens," I whispered.

"I know. They are too skilled in covering their tracks, not to mention the piles of money they have no doubt amounted over their unnatural lives," he said with utter contempt in his voice.

I stepped back from him, pulling myself free of his hands easily. "I won't have you talking badly about the Cullens."

"What? I'm supposed to forget about everything they've done to me, to you, to my family and to my tribe?"

"What have they _ever_ done to you?" I demanded.

"Well, let me see," he sneered, holding up his hand and pretending to mark off some imaginary list with his fingers. "First they left and hurt you, then they took you and hurt Charlie, they took you away from me and they made me what I am. What else do you want?"

I was angry. "OK, first I never belonged to you so they could hardly take me away, and second what do you mean they made you what you are?"

"They made me a werewolf, Bella. It's their fault."

"I don't understand, Jacob. You told me your tribe descended from wolves, which means it's your family, your history that did this to you."

"Whatever it is that makes us change is dormant, Bella. At least until the tribe needs to be protected; from Vampires. They are our only enemy, the filthy _bloodsuckers_."

I looked him square in the eyes, "In case you have forgotten, I am one of the 'filthy bloodsuckers' now." As I spoke sadness and anger entered my voice, Jacob had always been a friend of mine and although we had never been completely close, our friendship had always been effortless. But now it seemed that our friendship would be over because of the choices I made.

He laughed once, humourlessly. "Yeah, I know. You wanna know what's weird though?"

"What's that?" I asked, his sudden change in direction disarming me a little.

"Well, you're still the same Bella." He tilted his head to the side, as if the new angle would afford him a better look. "I mean you look and sound a little different, and you smell really bad, but other than that you are still you."

I was confused. "Why's that weird?"

"Don't you see? Our legends, the ones that talk about the cold ones, always describe them as soulless blood-drinking machines who are only interested in the next feed. In our legends they don't have humanity."

"And?" I was more than a little miffed with the assessment. Edward was proof that it was utter bull. He'd resisted his natural urges the entire time we'd been together.

"How could you have lost your soul if you're still you?" He seemed to be asking me genuinely. I could see it was a struggle for him to accept a version of reality so vastly different from the one he'd come to learn.

"Jake, I have seen the Cullens do too many good things. They are not soulless monsters. Especially Carlisle, that's why I had no problem asking for this life."

"OK so you've told me the why – now tell me the how?" He looked at me, almost as if he was daring me to answer.

"You tell me first. How did you go from the non-believer on the beach to _this_ in a few short months?"

He wrinkled his nose. "It's funny how easily it is to believe in big hairy monster when you find yourself exploding into one."

"I can understand that I guess," I mused. "But I still don't understand why it happened when it did. You said vampires were the catalyst, but you weren't…well _this, _when I left. When did it happen?"

"Just after you disappeared. It was brewing long before then though, but everything that happened with you set me off. I went to Forks when I heard you were missing the first time, when you were found in the woods, I saw what _he_ had done to you and was so angry. It bubbled away in me, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't seem to shake the emotion. Then a week later you disappeared again and I figured _he_ had something to do with it. Only I wasn't sure if he had kidnapped you or made you run away.

"Either way it ignited my anger into a burning rage. I flew into a frenzy and suddenly I felt my fury explode. I didn't even know what happened, but I felt like every part of me broke apart and was put back together wrong. When I could finally feel anything but the anger again, I was a wolf. Sam, Jared and Paul helped me phase back to human form and told me all of the stories again, only this time, I believed them." His eyes were filled with sadness.

"On the day of your funeral, I noticed a funny smell at Charlie's house. I told Sam and the others about it and they confirmed it was the scent of two vampires, and that it was only a couple of days old. I remembered your disappearance and figured that Edward had turned you."

"No, I promise you, he didn't," I said quickly. "He came back to check on me and heard about the truck through Charlie's thoughts, he thought…he thought I was _dead_." I could hardly say the word. "He was only in my old room to collect…something he'd left behind. He didn't even know I was there."

Jacob shrugged as if it didn't matter whether or not Edward turned me.

"Then I saw you in the forest near the cemetery and I was so angry. I couldn't believe you would come back to gloat over the grief you had caused everyone. That was why the pack hunted you down. But then I saw you crying and I didn't understand. Vampires are monsters, but monsters don't cry."

"You're right, Jacob," I said sadly, "monsters don't. Luckily, I don't know any."

"I guess not, Bella." He wrapped his arms around me again. I noticed him wince a little at my cold skin and realised how hot his was, much warmer than a normal human. We stood there in each other's arms, taking comfort from the familiarity for a few minutes before he pulled away and said, "Charlie told me he found a guy who met you in a bar."

I nodded, guessing where this was going to go.

"He told me that the guy said you led him outside, before kissing him and then disappearing."

I resisted the urge to shudder at the memory. "And?"

"Will you tell me why?"

I sighed, I was ashamed of this memory but I wanted to be honest with Jacob. "It was the day I woke up after my transformation. I was thirsty and I was alone. I decided to hunt…you know the _usual_ way. I went into a bar, thinking I could find a girl about my size and get clothes and everything else I needed, but then I saw someone who looked and acted so much like Edward that he took my breath away, or at least, he would have if…well, you know."

Jacob nodded.

"I convinced him to leave his friends and go outside with me. I did plan on..." I couldn't even say what I had planned to do, the word stuck in my throat. "But I couldn't. I saw the faces of all the Cullens and thought about how much effort they put in to keep their humanity intact and I just couldn't do it. The guy said something that reminded me a little bit too much of Edward and…I kissed him. Being so close, my instincts started to take over and I almost…" I closed my eyes as I tried not to picture what I could have easily done to Teddy. "So I ran."

Jacob looked at me astonished. "You made the choice in the heat of the moment, while being that close to a human, _not _to kill them?"

"I just... I couldn't."

"Oh, Bella." Jacob wrapped me up again. I found myself laughing because he seemed overjoyed about the fact I had resisted hunting.

I pulled away from him this time. "Jacob. I have to warn you, Charlie is in danger, or at least I think he might be."

"I thought you were sure the Cullens wouldn't hurt him and that he wouldn't be able to find them anyway."

I sighed. "He's not in danger from the Cullens. There is... someone else who is hunting me."

"Who? Why?"

"It's a long story."

"I've got nowhere I need to be." He sat on the ground, clearly demonstrating that he wasn't leaving until he'd heard it.

I sighed and sat next to him. "OK but you can't interrupt me or I will stop telling you."

He nodded.

"You know last spring break, when I ran away–"

"I have noticed you seem to do that a lot," he murmured.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "I thought you agreed not to interrupt."

"Sorry." He held his hands up in mock surrender. "Go on."

"Well, the reason I ran was because I had a pair of vampires hunting me. The Cullens split up to try to protect me. Jasper and Alice drove me to Phoenix. But one of the pair was a tracker. He knew where to find me and tricked me into thinking he had my mom, so I snuck away from Jasper and Alice to meet him. He would have killed me, but Edward came and rescued me just in time. Well, almost."

"What do you mean almost?"

"James—that was the tracker's name—_bit_ me just before Edward killed him."

"He bit you?" Jacob gasped. "But doesn't that mean..."

"That I should have been a vampire months ago?" I nodded. "Except Edward saved me twice."

"How?"

"He sucked out the venom. He didn't want to see my soul destroyed. He believes all that 'soulless monster' crap too. That's why he wanted me to stay human."

"Does he still believe that? Because I'll be there for you, Bella, no matter what." He shifted closer to me and wrapped one arm around my shoulders.

I threw his arm off my shoulder and stood up quickly, whirling on him in distaste. "Are you crazy? A week ago you were ready to kill me."

"No, I wasn't!"

I quirked one eyebrow at him.

"OK, I _was, _or at least I _should_'_ve_ been. But as Edward so masterfully pointed out, there was no way I ever could have."

I sat next to him again. "It doesn't matter anyway, because Edward and I are still together."

"Then where is he?"

"I... ran away from him. I needed to make sure Charlie was safe. I thought it would be better to do that alone, at least for the moment."

Jacob burst out laughing. "I told you that you do that a lot."

I went to give him a playful punch but he caught my hand. "What's this?" he said, pulling my fist towards his face. I looked down at my fingers to see what he was talking about but I should have known; my engagement ring.

I looked at him sheepishly. "I told you Edward and I were together."

"Were?"

"Well, to be honest, I don't know how he feels now. I did run away from him."

"I'll be here for you, Bella."

I raised my eyebrow. "Even if he takes me back?"

"That's what you really want isn't it?" He looked a little dejected as he asked.

"More than anything in the world, Jacob. But I have to make sure Charlie is safe first."

"Wait, you said Edward killed the one who hunted you last spring."

I nodded. "So why is Charlie in danger?"

"Edward killed James, but they were never able to find his mate." I closed my eyes as I pictured the bright red hair of my would-be assassin. "She wants to kill me as revenge for Edward killing James. Mate for mate."

When I opened my eyes again, Jacob's face was a mask of concern.

"And with Charlie travelling all over the country trying to find me, which is exactly what Victoria is doing, they are bound to run into each other eventually. If she knew who he was, well let's just say it wouldn't be the first time they tried to use my parents to hurt me."

"I'll keep Charlie safe. I promise."

I nodded. "Thanks. But I still don't know what to do to give him peace of mind. I know I can't be around him anymore, but how exactly am I supposed to let him know that I am happy and to go back to Forks and live the rest of his life with that knowledge?"

"I'm sorry, Bells. I really didn't mean anything by telling Charlie."

I sighed. "I know. But that doesn't change what happens next."

"What happens next?"

"I go talk to him."

I stood and brushed the dirt off my clothes before offering my hand to Jacob.

As we walked up the stairs to the room Jacob asked me in a hush whisper the one question I was asking myself. "What are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. But you promise you will be there for him right? No matter what?"

"No matter what."

"Good, that's all I need to know. I will eliminate the threat on his life, convince him to stop trying to find me and then you will have to make sure he takes care of himself."

Jacob unlocked the motel door and walked inside. As he entered he grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him, he had obviously realised I was about to run.

"Charlie?" Jacob called.

The door to one of the bedrooms opened a crack and I saw my father's face clearly through the darkness. I wondered if he could see me. It took a minute before he seemed to realise Jacob wasn't alone. He squinted to peer through what I was sure was inky blackness for him and as he took in the sight of me, he looked pale, as if I was some vision that had been haunting him. I was saddened to think that probably wasn't far from the truth.

"Bella?" he asked his voice cracking as he uttered my name. He seemed unwilling to cross the distance between us, as if I might fade away if he moved an inch.

I couldn't make myself move that short distance either. "I'm sorry, Dad." My voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Why? How? What..." Charlie still stood still, acting like he thought this was some sort of dream.

"Dad, something happened to me. Something so out of the ordinary, but I can't explain it all to you."

"Did _he_ have something to do with this?" I was surprised by how much hatred was in Charlie's voice. I didn't need to ask who he meant though, and I knew it wasn't Jacob.

"No, and yes."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I left so I could be with Edward again. But to do that, I needed to...change."

"Bella, if he told you that you needed to change anything about yourself in order to be with him then he isn't worth it. Come home, please?" His voice started out angry but ended sad.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Dad, but I can never come home. Right now you are looking at me as if I am a ghost. In a way, that isn't far from the truth. I am dead and I can't ever come home."

"What are you talking about Bells? Please, tell me what I can do? I can't lose you so soon after getting you back in my life." Tears were flowing freely down his face and I hated the fact that I was the cause of his pain.

I shook slightly as the emotions took hold over my body. "I'm so sorry. I hoped that by faking my death you would have some closure, because I can't ever come back."

"You did that to me deliberately?" He was furious. I had never seen him so angry in all his life. "You _wanted_ me to think you were dead?"

I nodded. "It just... seemed the easiest thing at the time. I didn't know how else to leave without you trying to find me. You...can't be involved in my life anymore."

He covered the distance between us in an instant, before grabbing my hand. I was going to pull it back, but once I touched him, I didn't want to let him go. My desire to hold him one last time didn't stop him dropping my hand and stepping back in horror. "Bella, what's wrong with you?"

I started to sob again; I felt Jacob's hand on my back. "I told you, Dad. For all intents and purposes I am dead."

"I don't believe you."

I grabbed his hand, being gentle enough not to hurt him, but forceful enough that he couldn't pull away, and placed it over his heart. I could feel his blood, warm and rich, pulsing underneath our hands, but I turned my mind away from those sort of thoughts. Then I pulled our joined hands over my silent heart. He tried to pull his hand away but I held it firmly in place. I wrapped my other hand over the top. I stood like that, holding my breath until I saw the realisation dawn in his eyes. He pulled his hand again, and this time I let it go. When his hand left mine, his eyes the fell on the ring on my finger.

"What has he done to you?" His voice was hushed and horrified. He placed his hand on my cheek, a gesture he used to do to comfort me when I was younger.

"Edward hasn't done anything, Dad. I did this to myself. I wanted this."

"You wanted what? I still don't understand what is happening here." He sounded desperate, as if he was clutching at straws anxiously to get me to stay.

"I told you, I can't explain." Then I remembered how I used to think of Edward. "However, maybe you should just think of me as an angel. I have come to let you know that I am OK. I am happy and you should stop looking for me."

"But, Bells, I just want you back in my life."

"Charlie, perhaps we need to listen to Bella on this," Jacob whispered. "I think she has made it clear what she wants." I could tell he was working to keep the pain out of his voice.

"Thank you." I murmured, far too low for Charlie to hear. Jacob nodded just as imperceptibly.

"Bells, are you sure about this?"

"Dad, there is no turning back for me. I chose this and I have to _live_ with this decision." I saw him wince when I said _live_. "The only thing between me and my happy ending now is your happiness. Please try and go back to living your life."

"Isabella Swan, you're my daughter." Charlie's voice cracked as he spoke. "My _only_ daughter. I can't just forget about you." I could see he wanted to keep fighting, but I already knew I was starting to win, even though part of me didn't want to.

"I don't want you to forget about me. I want you to remember me and know that I am happy where-ever I end up."

He nodded slowly.

"If anyone asks, I'm in a better place," I sobbed before turning to run from the room. Being in such a small confined space with his hot, pulsing blood was too much for me to bear any longer. I was out the door and halfway out of the town in less than a minute. I knew it was the last time I would ever see my father and the thought just about broke me. He had been through so much with me in the short space of time I had lived with him permanently. Now that my life with him was over, I wished I hadn't taken him for granted as much as I did. I desperately hoped he would listen to me though, that he would go home and try to piece together his life. Now all that was left was to make him safe.

~0~


	12. Tracker

**Chapter 12: Tracker**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

I flew through the silent streets, heading away from my family and friends yet again. I realised Jacob was right, running was all I ever seemed to do at the moment. My feet began to slow involuntarily at the edge of town. I decided it was time to do something; to face the consequences of my decision to run away from Edward. I realised the best immediate course of action I could take was to talk to Alice. Now that I was away from Jacob, I knew she would be able to see my decisions again. I ran into a forest nearby, the green limbs of the trees welcomed me like a lover before closing tightly around me and ensuring I wouldn't be seen by any late-night drivers. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and extracted it from the plastic bag I'd wrapped around it to keep it safe and dry. Before I even had a chance to look at the numbers to call Alice, the phone was already ringing. I raised it swiftly to my ear, without even stopping to read the screen; I knew who it would be.

"Alice," I breathed, hoping she would be able to tell me where to find Edward. Now that I knew Charlie was safe and had the protection of the wolves, I was singularly focused on getting back to the love of my life. _If he still wants me._ .

"No, it's me."

If my heart was still beating, it would have thudded to a stop on hearing the beautiful, velvet voice marred with strain and worry.

"Edward," I murmured, uncertain what his reaction to my leaving would be. I was frozen in place, unwilling to move for the irrational fear that any sudden sound would spook Edward and he would hang up.

"Thank goodness you're okay," he whispered. "I have been going out of my mind with worry."

"I'm sorry," I gushed. "Please…let me explain."

"There's no need."

I wanted to sob as I heard his dismissal. _There was no need to explain because he's already made up his mind?_

"Alice called me the second she saw your future disappear. She told me everything you had planned, or at least as much as she knew about it."

I was finally able to breathe again. I slumped against the trunk of a nearby tree in relief.

"I would have come to help you, but I didn't know where to find you. I had to sit and wait. You can't imagine how hard it was for me, not knowing whether I would ever see you again."

"I know exactly what that's like, Edward," I interjected as I felt a shadow of the pain of his departure after my birthday return.

Edward didn't say anything, but whimpered almost silently. I felt guilty that I'd caused him the same agony and then used it against him.

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

"I've been going out of my mind with worry, at least until Alice called a moment ago and let me know that you reappeared and were safe."

"I am sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. I just had to see him, Edward. I had to tell him to go home."

"I know, love. I just wish you would have taken me with you."

"It was something I had to do alone. I think if he had seen you or any of your family I think it would have changed the outcome."

Edward was quiet for a few moments. "I could have at least come part of the way."

"Would you have let me go the rest of the way by myself? Even if my future disappeared?"

He chuckled. "Probably not. I can be a bit stubborn when it comes to what I think is the right way to do something; especially when it involves you being in danger."

"So you're not mad at me?"

"No, at least not now that I know you are safe and are planning on coming back to me."

My heart leapt with joy at his words, but the concern of Alice's uncertain vision began to play out in my head. "Edward?" My voice caught as I began the dreaded question, what would happen if he said no. "Do you still want to marry me?" I asked, longing for him to tell me that I wasn't so terrible that he didn't want to spend forever by my side.

"Don't you want to marry me?" he asked, worried.

"Of course," I said quickly. "I just thought..." I trailed off, not sure exactly how to phrase what I had thought.

"Bella, despite the fact that you gave me one hell of a scare, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my existence with you."

"The rest of forever." I grinned involuntarily.

"I do have a question though."

I braced myself for the worst.

"Did you find him?"

I breathed a sigh of relief that was an easy question. "I did." I didn't really want to rehash my visit to Charlie over the phone though. I would rather wait until I was in Edward's arms again before dealing with the emotional fallout I knew was sure to come.

"I thought so. I assume one of the werewolves was with him."

"Yeah, Jacob was."

"That explains why you disappeared. What happened with the wolf? How did you manage to get him away so that you could talk to Charlie? Did you–"

I cut him off, just as annoyed with his assumption as I had been with Jacob's. "Actually, Jake helped me make the decision to talk to Charlie. I almost ran away when I reached the door, but he followed me and we talked."

"You _talked_ to a werewolf. More specifically, with one of the werewolves who not so long ago was ready to kill you?"

"He may be a werewolf, and I may be a vampire, but we were friends first, sometimes things like that count for more than old superstitions."

"Bella, sometimes you astound me." He didn't sound upset, he sounded _proud_. "Can I ask you another question?"

I was relieved that he seemed to be taking everything in his stride that I would continue to answer any question he had. "Sure."

"How did you find Charlie so quickly?"

"What do you mean?" His question threw me for a loop. I was expecting him to ask about what I had done when I'd seen Charlie, about how he'd reacted, about how I'd responded, any number of things relating to my meeting with Charlie, but not how I found him.

"You left _this morning,_ Bella, not even twenty hours ago."

"So?"

"What do you think the odds are of finding Charlie in such a short space of time? Especially when you had the whole of the United States to explore?"

"I don't know. I guess haven't really thought about it. Not very good, I guess."

Edward laughed again. "That's putting it lightly. So how did you find him?"

I clutched the phone a little tighter. _What was he suggesting? _"I just got lucky I guess."

"That's not what I meant," he whispered. The pride was definitely back in his voice, confusing me further. "Where are you now?"

"Just outside of Portland."

"Why did you go there?"

"I don't know. I just felt…drawn to this area. I knew we'd been here recently, and I guess I thought that maybe he'd come here."

"But Bella, we've covered many places in the last week. Why Portland?"

He seemed to be trying to convey something to me but I just couldn't comprehend what he meant. "I don't know. I just felt compelled to come here."

"Why did you go to Forks, after your change?"

His sudden change in direction left me reeling again. I wanted to know why he was asking such seemingly random questions. "I wanted to go to my funeral."

"Why?"

"I don't know why, Edward," I snapped, instantly regretting it. I just wished I knew why he was questioning me about my motives. "What is it with the twenty questions?"

"I have a theory." I could almost hear his grin.

"OK, and that is..." I prompted.

"I think you have a talent."

I started to interrupt him, but he kept talking.

"I don't know how, but I think you might be a tracker."

"What?" I laughed.

When Edward continued, it was with an earnest and almost excited voice. "Think about it Bella, how else can you explain how you found me so quickly after your change."

"You were in Forks, Edward. It's not like I tracked you down in the Antarctic or anything. Besides, finding you wasn't necessarily my priority when I went there. I wanted to make sure Charlie and Renee were OK."

"So you weren't thinking about finding me at all?"

I knew that ever since the first time I had seen him, he had invaded my mind and been at the forefront of almost every thought I'd had. "Well, even before I was turned I wanted to find you, so that doesn't count."

"OK, so we go right back to the beginning," he insisted. "Why did you move to Forks?"

"I've told you this story before."

"But maybe there was more to it than that? I mean, the timing was just _too_ perfect. Everything about our first meeting was almost magical, as it was set up by fate."

"Yeah, so?" I agreed with him, but had no idea the relevance of his statement, or how it related to all his questions.

"Maybe it wasn't fate?"

"If it wasn't fate, than what was it?"

"Maybe it was you? Maybe you had a latent ability even then? Maybe you found what you were searching for before you even knew you were searching for it?"

"OK, so if what you're saying is correct, what I was searching for all along was you?" I smiled to myself, it sounded like the chorus of some flaky love song.

"Naturally. Bella, you have to know you are perfect for me? You are my mate, my soul mate in every sense of the word. You balance me completely. Do you not feel the same?"

"Of course I do, Edward, you should know that by now. But…a tracker?" What he was saying made sense in some ways but I still couldn't believe I was a tracker_. _"I mean, if that's what I am, then why can't I find Victoria?" I asked.

"Have you tried?" The edge was back in his voice, and I knew it was because he didn't want me searching for Victoria on my own.

"No," I said to assuage his fears. "But I have spent a lot of time over the past week trying to figure out how to find her, and I always come up blank. I have no clue where to even start."

"I want to test something out."

I resisted sighing, and murmured my ascent.

"If I asked you where you would go next, anywhere in the entire world, what would you say? Tell me a town name."

I thought for a minute and suddenly I had a location. "I don't know the name of it, but it is about 600 miles north-west of where I am now. In Montana."

He laughed. "So you really want to be in a place that you don't know the name of, only the location?"

"How am I supposed to know the name of the town if I have never been there before?" I asked, perplexed.

"Why do you want to go there more than anywhere else in the world if you've never been?"

When he put it like that, it did sound a little odd. "I don't know."

"Love, the town is called Coram and you have been there before. It's where you left Jasper, Emmett and I. It's where I am right now."

I gasped. _What he was saying couldn't be right…could it_? _And what did it mean if it was?_ "Surely that is just my mind playing tricks then? If you are still where I left you, then maybe there is a part of me that just remembered where I ran from?"

He sighed. "Maybe," he relented. "Let's try another. If you really wanted to find Alice right now, what would you do?"

"I'd call her."

"Bella, please, where would you start looking if you couldn't call her?"

"London."

He laughed loudly. "What on earth made you think of London?"

"I don't know," I groaned. "I just think that would be a good place to start looking for her."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Okay. Call Alice and ask her where she is?"

"Do I have to?" My brain didn't want to process any part of our conversation. I was still reeling from my emotional rollercoaster of leaving Edward, my conversation with Jacob, finding Charlie and telling him about my new life. I couldn't even comprehend what Edward was suggesting. I had a lousy sense of direction how could I possibly be a tracker?

"No, you don't _have_ to do anything you don't want to, love. But aren't you at least a little curious?"

If I pushed past the thousand and one questions and emotions I was experiencing, I actually was a little curious. "OK, fine," I relented. "I'll call you back shortly."

As I hung up the phone, I tried to process everything that had just happened. Edward wasn't mad at me, we were still getting married and he thought I may have an ability to track people—but not Victoria for some reason. I began to consider Edward's hypothesis, running through the scenarios in my head. I recalled small things, like how I had instinctively known that Edward hadn't left for California despite the lie they had told the hospital. But that was just logical. How I had managed to escape from Alice and Jasper at the hotel in Phoenix. The phone started ringing in my hand, shocking me out of my reverie. I put it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Aren't you supposed to be ringing me?" Alice's perky voice chirped down the line.

"Alice. I just had the most bizarre..."

She squealed down the line. "I know! You're a tracker, isn't that great."

"How do you know?"

"Bella, who are you are talking to?" She giggled. "The very first vision I got of you after your future reappeared was of the conversation you had with Edward, the one where you said you would start to look for me in London."

"And?"

"Well, where do you think I am, silly! The rest of the family decided it would be safer to leave the country while you track down Victoria and get Charlie off the case."

I stood gaping at the phone for a minute. Finally, I decided to speak to the one person the rest of the family heads to for advice. "Alice, could you put Carlisle on?"

I heard a soft laugh down the line. "She already has. And she's told me what you want to know."

"Well, do you think it could be true?"

"It certainly sounds like it. I think Edward has a valid point about the reason you were drawn to Forks at the time you were and about everything that has happened since."

"Maybe," I murmured, running through it again in my mind. "Charlie lived in Forks for years and I always hated the place. Renee and I probably could have worked something out for me to stay in Phoenix or Jacksonville. I don't really know what made me end up moving there. I guess… I don't know."

"So how does it work do you think?" he asked after I'd finished my musings.

"I don't know, when I think about someone, I get…I don't know, like a vague impression of a place to start looking, it's almost like a pull from my heart." I knew I sounded silly, but I couldn't think of a better way to explain it to Carlisle; whatever _it_ was. I still wasn't completely convinced I even had a talent, although I had to admit it seemed plausible.

"Maybe that's why you can't find Victoria," he theorised. "Maybe you aren't a tracker, as such, but you can find your loved ones. You are drawn to them."

I thought about his explanation, and it actually seemed more logical than my being a tracker. "Huh," was about all I could manage as a response.

"I'll let you go now," he answered with a chuckle. "Alice is signalling to let me know that Edward is starting to get impatient."

"Okay, keep yourself safe, Carlisle. And thank you."

"No problem, Bella," he said. "I actually look forward to testing this out a little more when we are all together again."

I hung up the phone and rang the number Edward had called me from. _Emmett's cell?_

"So?" Edward answered, his voice practically buzzing with excitement.

"I think you might be right. Except after talking with Carlisle, I think it's more of a tow than a track. It's like I am pulled towards my loved ones. That's probably why I can't find Victoria."

Edward hummed. "That makes sense." I could hear the pride echoing in his voice. "You know, it may even come in handy over time. I sure could've used it recently."

I noticed the sound of an engine running and tyres moving along in the background on his end.

"Are you moving on?" I asked, anxious now to meet back up with him.

"We already have, Bella. As soon as I knew where you were we got in the car. We'll be there in around six hours, sooner if possible. So please, sit tight. I love you." He hung up the phone without waiting for a response. I guess he didn't want to argue with me.

I retreated a little deeper into the safety of the forest, coming to rest at the foot of a tree. I sat stationary, waiting for Edward but also trying to process everything I just learnt. I closed my eyes and focused on thinking about my loved ones. It took a bit of effort, but eventually I was able to picture a map of the world in my head. I thought hard about what I wanted to see on the map and focused on finding all my loved ones. Slowly, as if someone was turning up a dimmer switch, lights began to appear on the map. I was surprised when I could see blazing points of light over London, Forks, Jacksonville and Portland, but what shocked me the most was the brightest star on the map. So bright it was almost blinding, inching across the map like a shooting star in slow motion. I watched the star as it seemed to crawl across the state of Montana. Of course I knew that the car was probably travelling in excess of 100 miles per hour, but because of the sheer scale of the map I was picturing, the point hardly seemed to move at all.

I smiled at the knowledge that I could find everyone who was important to me. Like Edward had suggested, it could definitely come in handy. I kept my eyes closed and my mind focused on the map until I heard footsteps behind me.

~0~


	13. Bitter Goodbyes

**Chapter 13: Bitter Goodbyes**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

I turned around and locked straight onto a pair of black eyes looking down at me, assessing me.

"Jake, what are you doing here?" I growled. "You promised me that you would watch Charlie, no matter what."

He sat down next to me. "I called Sam down from La Push to watch the motel, I only left after he arrived."

I scowled. I'd been relying on Jacob's protection, but not only as a werewolf. Charlie was his father's best friend. I had been relying on that relationship, I wasn't sure I could trust the other wolves to give Charlie the same level of devotion.

Jacob winced at the expression I gave him. "Don't worry," he said. It was obvious that he was aiming for a nonchalant tone, but I could tell there was a tremor there that had never existed when I was human. "Charlie will be safe, I promise. I just wanted to talk to you again before you disappear from my life forever." He slung his arm over my shoulder and I was careful not to flinch away from his touch. His skin was warm, so much warmer than anyone else I'd ever touched, but not entirely uncomfortable. Despite the friendly undertones of his touch, his nose was wrinkled up in distaste and his body shook slightly. I could hear his heart beating faster just from his proximity to me, I realised it was probably because of how uncomfortable my new nature made him.

"You don't have to pretend that you're OK with me being a vampire, you know," I teased.

"Yeah, I know." He dropped his arms and laughed softly, before bumping my shoulder light-heartedly. "It's funny, when you disappeared, and after I found out that all the legends I'd ever heard were actually true, I thought that you being turned was the worst possible thing that could have happened to you."

I wasn't sure whether I should feel insulted. "But now?"

"Now I think it would be worse if you were really dead." He grimaced.

"Gee, thanks," I murmured, trying not to sound bitter. "What happened to make you change your mind?"

"So many things; meeting you again and seeing the way you spoke to Charlie. You are so full of emotion and humanity, and well, seeing it first hand. You know, you being so close to a human and not drinking his blood…well, that helped too."

It was my turn to laugh this time. "In the interest of honesty, I have to admit it was a close call. It was the reason I had to leave so quickly, the smell was becoming overpowering."

"But that's what I mean." He smiled brightly. "I could tell you were attracted to his blood, it was printed clearly all over your face. But rather than killing him, you ran. That's pretty cool."

I couldn't help smiling. "Thanks for the compliment, Jake. Does that mean you'll get the pack to lay off the Cullens for breaking the treaty?"

A shadow of something passed across his face but it was gone before I could process it. Then he spoke. "Well, that doesn't matter anyway does it? 'Cause you told me Edward didn't change you, so the treaty wasn't broken."

"That's right, Edward didn't." I cursed myself for the slip up and hoped that he would just let it drop. The last thing I needed was to get the Cullens into a war with the wolves.

Jacob seemed to notice my diversion. "Bella, who turned you?"

I stared at the ground, conflicted. I didn't want to tell him that Carlisle had turned me, as that would leave the treaty in tatters, but by the same token I didn't want to lie to him either. In my experience lying didn't turn out very well for anyone involved.

"Bella?" He growled.

"It was my choice, Jake. That's all you need to know."

"I'm going to make this a real easy question, with a yes or no answer, and I want the truth. Did one of the Cullens turn you?"

I didn't answer, but he took my silence as confirmation.

He stood up and smacked his fist into the tree I'd been resting against earlier, which cracked at the site of impact and toppled over with a heavy thud. "And you're protecting them! How could you, Bella?" Hurt was the dominating emotion on his face.

I stood and put my hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him with my touch, but it had the opposite reaction. His muscles tensed before beginning to shake violently under my palm. He twisted away with a snarl on his face and I let my hand drop away, not wanting to incite him any further.

"Jake, you don't understand," I begged him with my tone to listen to me, to let me have my say. "I didn't give him a choice."

"Which one of those filthy bloodsuckers did this to you?"

"I thought we were past this."

"That was before you lied to me. That was back when I thought it wasn't one of them that changed you. You convinced me Edward had nothing to do with it."

"I never lied to you," I whispered. "I swear Edward didn't have anything to do with it. He wasn't even with his family when I arrived, because leaving me hurt all of them at least as much as it hurt me and he couldn't stand the guilt anymore, theirs or his own. I made the choice before I even knew how Edward really felt."

I could tell from the look on Jacob's face he wasn't going to let it drop until he had a name. I realised I'd already placed the Cullens in harm's way, now I just had to try to get them back out of it.

"It was Carlisle, but he didn't want to. I had to convince him it was the best option, the _only_ option."

"How did you do that?" Jacob's voice was a hoarse whisper; the rage in his voice was barely suppressed. His body shook so violently that I was surprised he wasn't falling to pieces from the force of it.

I took a step backwards, further away from Jacob, fighting hard against the instinct within me that just told me to run away from him as fast as I could before something truly terrible happened. I wanted to patch things up and end our friendship on a positive note, yet I knew in my heart I was making another mistake staying so close to him. I chalked it up as one more to add to the ever-increasing list. As I stepped slowly away, I babbled trying to get Jacob to see reason, and the truth, that I didn't give Carlisle the opportunity to say no.

"I told him the truth. That if he didn't turn me, I would hunt down every single vampire I could until I found one who would. But another vampire would never have been able to offer me the same thing Carlisle could."

Jacob glared at me, unwilling to continue the conversation, but the burning, unasked question was written clearly on his face.

"He could offer me safety, Jake, he is probably the only vampire who I could be certain wouldn't lose control when the time came. Do you think it's easy for a vampire to stop drinking? You saw what I had to do just to stop myself from biting Charlie. It's dangerous, and it's easy for most vampires to become so consumed with the blood, they forget their purpose. Carlisle is the only one I know who has the practise of self-restraint down to an art form."

Jacob shook his head, as if trying to clear some unwanted thought. "But why, Bells? Why would you want to become something so horrid? Why would you even risk seeking out strange vampires to try to be turned?"

I fidgeted with the ring on my finger. "We've been over this part."

"Right. _Edward_." He spat the name out as if it left a bitter taste on his tongue.

"Exactly."

"But that still doesn't change what Carlisle did. The terms of the treaty were clear; they were to never bite another human."

"And they won't, Jake. I can promise you that they won't. Carlisle wouldn't have done it for anyone else, he didn't even really want to do it for me, but he didn't want to risk my… _death_."

Jacob shook his head again, dragging it slowly through the air from one side to another as if it were made of lead. He was trying to deny the truth I was forcing him to hear.

"If I'd have known the trouble it would cause for them, I would have found someone else to do it." I paused and then focused on his eyes with my hands resting by my side in a sign of defeat. I wanted him to understand how much the Cullens meant to me, especially Edward. I would give up anything to ensure their safety. "If you have to punish someone for the broken treaty, punish me. It was my fault." I closed my eyes and waited for the attack.

"You don't understand," he growled. "It isn't as simple as that. They knew what they were doing. Carlisle knew the terms of the treaty, but he changed you anyway. He willingly broke the terms."

I opened one eye. "Would you rather I had died?" My voice was full of hurt; I was angered by his attack on the family I loved, the family who were just looking out for me even if it meant risking their own safety, but overriding that anger was the fact that he callously disregarded my choice in the matter.

"What? No."

I stared openly at him now. "Well, that's what would have happened if Carlisle had refused."

"You can't know that."

"I would have found someone else to do it, only they probably would have viewed me as a ready and willing meal."

"No..." He shook his head again. He didn't want to hear this, but I needed him to understand. Carlisle quite possibly saved my life just as he had saved Edward's.

"Jake, if you can't forgive Carlisle, if you can't see that what he did was an act of compassion and salvation, if you insist on turning this into a war; I _will_ fight with them. I will fight _for_ them."

The betrayal he felt from my words was clear on his features before his face fell into an unnaturally calm mask. A second later, and without another word, he fled.

I couldn't follow him. Part of me—a big part—wanted to, but I just couldn't find the strength to put one foot in front of the other, not after the day I'd had. The emotional strain of everything I had been through, running from Edward, talking to Charlie and then my argument with Jacob weighed me down. How much more could I take? How much more could I _inflict_?

I stood stock still, staring into the void that had swallowed Jacob so thoroughly. I was torn, should chase him or just let him go? I was worried for my safety if I followed him. The unnatural calm that had fallen over him in the seconds before he left was perhaps more terrifying than any anger he had ever shown toward me. It showed a new level of detachment that I wasn't used to experiencing from Jacob; warm, sunny, Jacob. I didn't really think he was capable of hurting me, but I wasn't sure I was willing to put it to the test, especially not when he was already hurt and bitter that I'd chosen Edward over him; that I had made it clear that I would _always_ choose Edward over him.

However, I worried that if I didn't pursue him and at least try to make things right, he might not fulfil his promise to me. After everything that had happened, I'd thought he would be the one ally I had who was still involved in Charlie's life. But now I wasn't sure what he would do. He had promised to keep Charlie safe. Would he still? I needed to make it right, at least for Charlie's sake.

I realised that if I spent time chasing after Jacob it would be harder for Edward to find me. If only there was some way of knowing how far away Edward was. He'd told me he would be with me in six hours, and I estimated that maybe four or five had past, but I honestly didn't know how long I had sat in a trance staring at my mental map. I laughed out loud as I realised that I _could_ tell how far away Edward was. Watching his progress as he crossed the states had consumed a significant amount of the time I had spent concentrating on locating all of my loved ones.

I closed my eyes and focused on the area immediately surrounding me. I could see Jacob's light, it was close and unmoving. I wondered if that meant he was deciding whether to come and confront me again. I reached out a little further in my mind. I could sense Charlie across town—I estimated it was a little less than a half hour run away to his hotel room. I shifted my concentration a little further out again and I could see Jasper's and Emmett's lights together with the shining point that represented Edward. They were half an hour away, maybe less. I wondered whether that would be enough time to find Jacob and talk to him again. Then I wondered whether there was any point trying. I ran through all the possible scenarios and different outcomes in my head before deciding I had to try at least. I would never forgive myself if I didn't and something happened to Charlie because of my inaction. I knew there was a distinct possibility that Jacob might attack me, but it would be one on one and thanks to Jasper's and Emmett's training, I had some knowledge that would make the fight much fairer, perhaps even give me the edge.

I shuddered uncomfortably as I thought about fighting with Jacob. He was my friend and it hurt to think of him as an enemy. _At least chasing after Jacob would beat sitting around waiting for Edward_. I knew I would drive myself crazy if I just sat watching his light inch its way closer to me. I was already beginning to feel irritable because it was the longest I had stayed in the one place since being confined to the hotel room with Edward; and at least then I'd had the most wonderful distraction.

I walked toward the trees, listening for any sound that would indicate Jacob's exact location. It was strange, I thought I heard footsteps to my left, but the 'draw' that I could now associate with my talent came from directly in front of me. I strained my eyes and ears for any further indicators of life to my left, but couldn't find any, so I paced forward, calling for Jacob at barely more than a whisper. I knew he was close enough that he should have been able to hear me.

As I stepped forward, I continued to listen intently. I picked out the steady thump of his heart, and was able to better pinpoint his location. When he gave no response to my whispered pleas, I figured he was still angry with me and was ignoring me. I took another handful of steps forward, more determined than ever to find him and talk to him. But I didn't want to startle him or risk him attacking me. As I walked closer to his position, I grew conscious of the time quickly slipping by. Indecision struck me again. I knew Edward would arrive at any minute, and I didn't want to miss him when he did. I paced back to where I had started.

I was completely torn, I wanted to find Jacob but equally I wanted to wait for Edward, and my actions showed it. My feet began a macabre dance as my body warred with itself, but I paused as I heard noises to my left again. I was certain there was someone or something there, but I still couldn't see or hear anything more.

My strange, music-less dance continued. Step forward, pause and look. Step backward, pause and look.

Each time I moved, the noises to the side of me began again softly, but the harder I strained to see something the less I saw. Even with my perfect eyesight, I couldn't see a single leaf that was out of place.

I wondered whether it was one of the wolves. If Jacob had already changed, he may have called them down to watch me with the ability Edward had told me about. I listened intently, but definitely couldn't hear another heartbeat, only the one that seemed to beat out the rhythm my feet moved to as I continued to pace out my internal struggle. Finally, I changed my motion. Instead of stepping forward, I took one tentative step to my left. My eyes scanned the area repeatedly and I continued to listen keenly. There didn't seem to be anything there, I still couldn't hear anything except the thrumming of Jacob's heart. Even the wildlife was oddly silent. Absent even. I scanned the trees one more time, expecting to see nothing different.

But something was different. I finally saw what my eyes had missed on each scan before.

Red.

Climbing out of a hiding place with a wicked smile.

Red curls snaking around a beautiful white face.

Red eyes boring into me from beneath the wild hair.

_Victoria_.

~0~


	14. Emergency

**Chapter 14: Emergency**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

I stared transfixed by Victoria. I wondered for a moment whether my eyes were playing tricks on me after the day I'd had, conjuring up the last person I'd expected, or wanted, to see, albeit the one person who I knew I'd have to find before long to ensure the safety of everyone I loved. But it was no trick – she was standing right before me, grinning her leonine smile.

Her hair shifted with the light breeze, flowing and curling around her face. Neither of us seemed willing to move, although she almost appeared to be daring me to attack her, or maybe she was planning the best method of extracting her revenge now that I was immortal like her.

_Immortal_, the word felt meaningless and reckless in light of the danger I was facing. I made the first move, bending into a more protective stance and baring my teeth. If she wanted to take my life, I would ensure she paid a fair price for it.

I heard Jacob's heart thundering behind me. My odd two-stepping had left me roughly halfway between him and Victoria. I turned my head slightly to see him, wanting to tell him to go.

"Bella!" he shouted before I heard a vicious ripping sound and he exploded out in all directions at once. I watched his transformation, trying desperately not to be horrified by the way his body distorted as it tore itself apart to create the monster wolf that hid inside. He came to rest with his muzzle mere feet away from me. I could feel the warm wetness from his breath on the back of my neck. The smell of him in wolf form was disgusting and almost overwhelming, yet I refused to flinch. I knew from the way he had shouted my name that he had changed only to protect me; I was safe from his attack. Too bad he wasn't safe from Victoria.

Vicious snarls ripped violently from Jake's chest, filling the air like thunder rumbling during a storm. I didn't want to turn away from my biggest threat, but I had to tell him to run. This was my fight and I wouldn't see him hurt because of me.

I turned my whole body to him, watching his reaction closely so that I could see if Victoria intended to attack. I knew his face and body would easily give away her intention. I heard a soft, girlish laugh from her direction, I wondered if she thought _I_ was in danger.

I stared in awe at Jacob. He was so close to me that I could see every drop of frothing saliva that was building on his teeth as he continued to growl and snarl at Victoria. He stared pointedly over my shoulder, almost as if he was seeing straight through me to watch her. I had no idea what she was doing behind my back, but I watched Jacob closely for the tiniest movement indicating that I should drop or turn, almost willing myself to try to read his mind. I opened my mouth to tell him to go, when time seemed to stop and everything happened in slow motion—slower even than any instant replay on TV.

Odd sounds that didn't belong in the forest filtered into my mind; tyres squealing to a stop, an engine being turned off, doors being ripped off their hinges. Confused growls and Edward's voice shouting, "Bella's in danger!"

I tore my eyes away from Jacob and watched as Edward came into view and threw himself in Victoria's direction. She was outnumbered and the three vampires would easily be able to overpower her. There would be no escape for her now, and no one needed to be hurt.

My relief lasted less than one sixteenth of a second. Emmett and Jasper flew from the Jeep in the wrong direction; they headed toward Jacob and not Victoria. I tried to view the scene from their perspective and realised in horror that Emmett had obviously misunderstood Edward's yelling and Jasper had misinterpreted Jacob's rage. They would have seen Jacob snarling at me from less than a few feet away. They had thought _he_ was the danger. As realisation of their mistake dawned on me, I began to scream at them to stop, but it was already too late. They were already on top of him, grabbing and clasping, pulling away great tufts of hair as Jacob howled out in pain. My horror filled screams of 'No! Stop!' did nothing to quell their attack.

I heard the sickening sound of bones crushing, and listened in agony to the long painful howl that issued from the beast that contained my friend. Jacob's legs buckled at odd angles beneath him and he fell to the ground under the weight of the two vampires assailing him. I reached out and grabbed Emmett arm, tugging it while continuing to scream at him to stop.

Emmett was too involved in the fight and, thinking he was under attack, seized my arm, twisted it and threw me across the woods with all his strength. I felt myself flying through the air before slamming into a tree, sending it in turn crashing to the ground underneath me. I managed to get my feet beneath me before I landed, quickly before wheeling around and preparing to launch myself toward them to stop their attack. I was seeing red and would do anything necessary to stop them. I didn't want to hurt them, but neither could I let them continue to hurt Jacob.

As I launched myself, I heard the only sound in the world that could stop me from trying to save Jacob; Edward's pained scream and a sound I had only heard once before—when I was in the ballet studio with James—the high-pitched keening of vampire skin being torn apart. The noises combined to pierce my heart more absolutely than anything I could have imagined. I focused on the direction of the sound, twisting myself fluidly in the air before landing face to face with Edward. His expression was one of grim resolve; he was determined not to let me see the pain he was in. Victoria held a large chunk of flesh from Edward's arm between her teeth. I shuddered as I watched her draw it into her mouth and forcibly swallow it. My eyes flittered back to Edward and I knew he had let his concern for me hamper his own fight. Victoria had used his one moment of weakness to attack. What had happened to him was my fault.

I saw red again. This time everything in my vision was tainted with it as bloodlust filled me. It was primal and urgent but had absolutely nothing to do with my thirst. I launched myself onto Victoria, clawing roughly at her face with my hands. I grabbed and tore at her skin, feeling satisfied each time my fingers gained purchase and I was able to remove chunks of skin and hair. Nothing could stop my urgent rage, all the anger that I had bought with me into my new life ripped to the surface. I violently poured it all out on _her_.

Strange sounds filled the air, but I couldn't be concerned about them. My primary focus was the red-headed bitch in front of me who would pay for the stress I had endured in the last few weeks. It was amazingly cathartic to feel the power I had coursing through my muscles, reminding me that I was no longer weak. I was no longer a mere human. I could do damage, and I would ensure that I did.

As I gave my body over to my strength, I found I had the capacity to continue my attack as well as take in my surroundings. I realised Emmett and Jasper had stopped their attack on Jacob—I couldn't bear to stop and to think about the possible reason—and were gathering firewood. I could also see Edward staring at me with slack-jawed amazement before his bearings returned and he joined in my fight. Except instead of trying to push me out of it to protect me, he joined me to double up on Victoria. Although it shouldn't have surprised me, I was a little shocked at how well our two fighting styles complimented each other. Even without the benefit of being able to read my mind, we were almost coordinated as we ducked and weaved, and ripped and pulled in unison until Victoria was screeching in agony. Each chunk of skin we removed was thrown onto the pile of firewood.

As tempting as it might have been to prolong her agony for threatening me and my loved ones, I just couldn't. I was too compassionate for that. I nodded to Edward to let him know it was time. In less than a second, Victoria's head had been ripped from her shoulders and the fire was consuming the tendrils of her red hair.

I turned my back on the sound of the fire crackling and the thick purple smoke that was bellowing from it. The smell of the flame stoked my survival instinct. I knew deep within that I needed to get away from that smell. It was the scent of death and danger. I felt Edward's arm twist around my waist from behind and felt his lips on my ear, "Are you alright, my love?"

I nodded, reaching down before realising he had encircled me with was his injured arm. I clasped it gently before raising it up to my face. I gasped when I realised just how great a gash she had ripped from his arm. The wound was already starting to heal, but I could easily tell it would never be complete again. A piece of Edward would always be missing because of this episode. Edward wrapped his other arm around my waist, and stroked my cheek with the hand on his injured arm. "I'll be fine, love," he whispered softly into my ear.

As soon as I realised that Edward really was okay, another thought permeated my mind until I could concentrate on nothing else. My eyes scanned the ground, searching for the sight that I truly didn't want to see. As soon as I saw it, I gave a muffled cry. A broken pile of fur, sticky and tangled with blood rested where I had witnessed Jacob fall. I couldn't hear a heartbeat and it didn't look like his chest was rising and falling with breath either. Finally the thought I had been suppressing since I had started my attack on Victoria flooded into my mind; had Jasper and Emmett stopped their attack because they had realised she was the true danger or was it because he was...

I still couldn't entertain the thought. "Jacob!" I cried, tearing myself out of Edward's arms.

I threw myself beside the bloody mound, his freshly weeping wounds holding no appeal in my distress. I raised my eyes to look for help. Emmett and Jasper looked dumbstruck and cast their eyes toward the ground in a muted apology, but I couldn't find it in myself to be angry with them. They didn't know anything about the discussions between Jacob and I. They didn't know that he was still my friend, despite everything that had happened since the last time we'd met, or that he was just trying to protect me. But the fact that I didn't blame them didn't change the fact that Jacob was lying in front of me, broken, damaged and dying. I finally found the pair of eyes I was searching for. "Edward. _Please_," I sobbed. "Help him."

Edward was at my side in a flash, with Emmett's phone pressed to his ear. "Alice, I need to speak to Carlisle." He paused for a second. "Now, Alice!" Edward's voice held an authority that left no room for further argument.

I could hear Alice's confusion, but I was too exhausted to process actual words. Even with everything I had endured since my change, I had never felt so completely drained in my existence. In reality only about five minutes had past since Edward's arrival, but those five minutes felt longer than my entire human life. I couldn't breathe, because the guilt that I was the reason Jacob was so broken and battered kept eating away at me.

Edward placed his hand on my shoulder. "We need to get him into a bed. We can't take him to the hospital like this, but I can't treat him here."

"_You _treat him?" The words didn't make sense.

Edward smiled grimly. "Two medical degrees remember, plus I'll have Carlisle on the phone. We'll just have to check into a hotel or something, and soon."

"No," I whispered, trying to find enough breath to push out sound. I wanted to say so much more, but it wouldn't come.

"Bella, we can't argue about it," Edward pressed urgently. "Unless Jacob is treated soon..."

I shook my head. Charlie's motel room was near enough that we could be in and helping Jacob long before we had time to rent anything. "No, Charlie has a room," I finally managed to force out.

Edward nodded. "Let's go."

Emmett and Jasper moved to help shift Jacob into the back of Jeep, I wasn't sure whether to argue or not, but the looks of utter remorse on their faces made me move out of the way and let them help. We quickly tore the rear seats out and squeezed the hulking wolf into the back of the Jeep. He gave a small whimper as we did, which made me breath a tiny bit easier, it was a sign of life. After I gave everyone directions to the hotel, Edward and I climbed into the front seat, leaving Jasper and Emmett to run there on foot. Just as we drove off, I thought I saw something move toward the fire that was still burning, but when a bird flew out of a tree not far from the fire I dismissed the idea that there was something else out there.

With all the urgency we were under to get Jacob treated as quickly as we could, time seemed to speed up, taunting me in a cruel fashion. Before I really knew what was happening we were meeting Jasper and Emmett in the parking lot of the motel. Emmett presented a blanket, no doubt stolen from someone's washing line. Then we were halfway up the stairs to Charlie's motel room, Edward, Jasper and Emmett sharing the load of Jacob, who was alternating between low whines and monstrous howls. I took the lead, banging hard on the door when we came to it. "Charlie! Open up. Now!"

The door opened and I saw Charlie, I had obviously woken him because his eyes were still heavy with sleep. He actually looked rested but his voice was laced with confusion. "Bella?"

"We need to come in." I wasn't asking permission and I gently pushed him to the side to clear the way for the boys.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Charlie fumed when he saw Edward. But then he noticed what they were carrying, and heard the noises it made coming from beneath the blanket. "Oh my God! What is that?" I could see horror dawning on his face as he made out the shape of the giant wolf under the blanket.

"Dad, not now, please." I opened the door to the bedroom which Jacob had been occupying. The boys laid Jacob on the bed as gently as they were able to.

"Get him out of here," I growled at no one in particular. I didn't want Charlie seeing what was going to happen next, although it wouldn't take him long to work out something was wrong. Emmett jumped up and led a grumbling Charlie back into living area.

I climbed onto the bed behind Jacob and pulled his head into my lap. He let out a low whine as I shifted his muzzle. Edward hooked a hands-free headset over his ear and called Carlisle back, as he was waiting on instructions, he turned to me. "I need him to phase back, Bella. Can you help him please?"

I had no idea what I needed to do to help him, the only clue I had was that Jacob had told me anger was what triggered his initial transformation. Maybe peace and calm could help him back.

I stroked his muzzle gently, glad I couldn't cry anymore otherwise it would have been impossible for me to see. "Jake, you need to come back to me. Edward wants to help you, but you need to come back to us."

I could hear whimpers escaping from him and his shape seemed to shimmer slightly. Slowly, over the course of a minute, his body seemed to contract into itself until finally Jacob lay in front of me covered only by the blanket wrapped around his lower body. His black hair was matted with blood, but there were no open wounds on his body, instead he was criss-crossed with a series of scars that looked months old. As I stroked his cheek, his eyelids fluttered a little and a tickle of blood ran from his mouth.

Edward murmured urgently into the phone, receiving quiet clinical replies from Carlisle. I gave him an odd look as he picked up each of Jacob's limbs and checked over it, ignoring all of the broken bones and blood. He looked back at me. "They don't think they bit him, but I have to be sure. Even a small amount of venom will be deadly to him."

I nodded vaguely. "Let me know if there is anything I can do." I heard the motel door open and close and I assumed Charlie must have left.

"Bella, just be there for him, that's helping."

I nodded.

"Damn," Edward muttered suddenly. "I think I'm going to have to re-break a few of these bones, they're healing too fast and setting wrong. Jasper, I need you to act as anaesthetic."

Jasper shook his head slightly. "I don't know if I can."

I caught his attention. "Please, Jasper?" I jutted my lip out the way I had seen Alice do, hoping it would convince him.

"I don't know if I can with the emotions in here at the moment." He looked back at me again. I knew he was blaming himself for Jacob's condition just as much as he had for everything that had happened since my birthday party. "I'll try. But I've never been able to keep anyone under for long."

I took in a deep breath, trying to get my own thoughts in order and calm myself to help Jasper as much as possible. I wasn't sure whether it worked because I was in so much turmoil. Jasper nodded in thanks, appreciating my effort nonetheless. I watched as he placed his hands gently on Jacob's chest and then winced as he began to work, his face was lined with pain as he pushed calming emotions out to Jacob and absorbed the pain into himself. Edward nodded his satisfaction that it had worked enough for him to do what he needed to. I braced myself for what was to come, placing my hands gently on Jacob's shoulders to soothe him.

Edward placed his hands around Jacob's femur and then a sickening crack filled the air. I closed my eyes as Jacob's muscles flinched beneath my hands. The bedroom door slammed open just as Edward re-broke another bone. This time Jacob cried out in agony, as Jasper's talent slipped the moment the door crashed open.

"What the hell are you doing to him?" A voice that was both familiar and foreign cried. I looked up to see a dark-skinned man standing in the doorway wearing nothing but cut-off shorts. I vaguely recalled the voice and face from my human years and was able to guess who it was based on Jacob's words when he met me in the forest. _I called Sam down from La Push._

"Sam. We're trying to help Jake," I said, my eyes falling back to the pained face below me.

Sam scoffed loudly. "I saw what they did to Jacob. It was playing over and over in his thoughts while you all carried him up here. He was just trying to protect you, even though you are nothing but a bloodsucker, and they attacked him."

I turned back to Sam, pleading with my eyes to just shut up and let Edward help him. And when that wasn't enough, "Please Sam. They didn't know, they thought _he_ was the danger."

Jacob screamed again, and Jasper glanced my way apologetically, his guilt hiding behind his eyes.

"Jasper, no," Edward murmured. "It wasn't your fault."

Sam bristled and began to quiver, the same way Jacob had just before phasing. We were in too confined a space for him to phase with all of us in the room. There was no way Jacob wouldn't suffer further damage if it happened. Sam's voice shook with anger as he growled, "As if attacking him wasn't bad enough, now you are torturing him?"

"Sam, please," I whispered. "Edward is only trying to help."

Edward was ignoring everything else in the room, racing to reset Jacob's bones in more natural positions before they started to fuse together again.

"No. Sam." Two words, that was all I heard, but from those two words relief flowed through my body. It was Jacob's voice that had spoken, whispered and broken but there.

Jasper used my relief to calm himself and push that calm into Jacob again. He fell back to sleep. Edward looked at me. "Incoming," he whispered and gave me a grim smile. I knew exactly what he meant but was powerless to stop it.

Charlie burst through the door with Emmett trailing behind. "Emmett!" I hissed too quietly for Charlie to hear.

"Sorry, I couldn't stop him. I didn't want to restrain him by force." He pushed the sound out so fast and quiet I knew Charlie didn't notice, but he did notice me nodding sadly back at Emmett. The entire quiet conversation happened before Charlie had even stepped into the room.

"Bella, I need answers. You waltz in here hours ago, tell me you're dead when clearly you're not and that I should move on, and then you come waltzing back in here with _them_ and a giant howling animal covered by a blanket." Charlie stopped and looked around. "Where's it gone?" He gasped as he saw Edward working over Jacob. "And where the hell did he come from?" He shook, whether from rage or shock I didn't know.

I wanted nothing more than to close the distance between us and wrap him in my arms to block out everything else that was happening. He didn't deserve to have the mythological world crash into his so absolutely. I shook my head, unwilling to untangle myself from under Jacob's head to go to him.

"Charlie, come with me. I'll try and explain a few things," Sam said as he pulled him from the room. At least Charlie's presence had aided our cause in one respect.

A wave of guilt ran over me, after all it was my suggestion to bring Jacob back to Charlie's room. If we'd gone somewhere else, we could have avoided the unnecessary drama.

Jasper groaned. "Please, Bella, this is hard enough for me as it is."

"Sorry."

I concentrated on Edward, watching his eyes as they flittered over Jacob's injuries.

It was a tense half hour after that. I heard raised voices coming from the other room as Emmett, Sam and Charlie talked. I desperately hoped they could keep themselves under control. Finally, Edward said good bye to Carlisle, hung up the phone, and pulled the hands-free off his ear. He looked almost as exhausted as I felt.

He moved closer to me, before reaching to me and stroking my cheek gently. "I've done all I can for him, love. Carlisle is heading back now."

I looked at his face, looking for any trace of a lie, worried he was trying to protect me from the truth. "Really?"

He nodded. "He's stable, Bella, that's all we can ask for at the moment. Everyone is coming back. They agree that everything going on here, and _you_, are more important than the family's safety. We'll just have to leave it to Charlie to decide what to do about us." He smiled sweetly before winking. "About whether to lock us up or not."

I chuckled as I thought about just how well a jail cell would hold the Cullens—or not, as the case may be.

"Jasper's not going to be able to keep up Jacob's artificial sleep. So I need to go get some traditional pain relievers."

I nodded, continuing to stroke Jacob's face as it rested in my lap. I turned to one side, offering Edward a kiss—the first since I'd run away from him. I couldn't help the small moan that escaped my throat when his lips touched mine.

I heard a groan and Jacob's voice whisper from below me, "Really? Get a room would you."

~ 0 ~


	15. Trial Visit

**Chapter 15: Trial Visit**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

"Jacob!" I was more than relieved that he was conscious and talking. I couldn't help but lean down and kiss his forehead.

"Eww, Bella. Now I'm gonna smell like you," he said weakly, forcing himself to grin.

I unfolded myself from underneath him, taking care not to jostle his body. "Well, if I smell that bad to you." I started walking towards the door. I felt Edward's arm wrap around me and he kissed the back of my neck.

"You know I was only kidding, Bella," Jacob said, trying to pull himself upright. Edward and I were both back at his side in a flash, pushing him gently back down.

"Jacob, you have to lie still," Edward reprimanded. "I've done what I can to line up and brace the bones, but I don't want you to move until Carlisle gets here."

Jacob glared at him but then begrudgingly nodded and settled back down.

"When are the others getting here?" I asked quietly.

"Tomorrow, they were on the first flight they could get."

Victoria was gone, I had Edward back in my life, my loved ones were safe and now the rest of my family was returning. I smiled. _Can life get any better?_ Edward's expression mirrored my own and I found my grin widening in response.

The exhaustion I had felt at times during what had been an incredibly stressful twenty-four hour period settled back on me. I was fatigued and even though I couldn't sleep anymore, I needed to relax for a while to give my mind some time to sort everything. But before anything else, there was a more urgent need to hunt. The burn in my throat raged up suddenly, now that there was nothing else that required my urgent attention. Even though Jacob's blood didn't appeal to me in the least, the dried remnants of it that covered my clothes and the bed made my desiccated throat ache even more.

I turned and walked out of the room, while Edward discussed with Jacob the injuries he had received. I noticed Sam had left and Emmett and Jasper were huddled in one corner. I could hear them plotting the reunions they would have with their wives so I turned out their words. Charlie caught my eye and I gave him a tight, apologetic smile. He stood and unexpectedly rushed toward me. He didn't know any better because I'd never warned him of the danger I now posed. I froze when I should have run the moment he was close enough for me to smell the delicious warm scent radiating off him. The fact that he was my father was meaningless.

I charged at him with my teeth bared, wanting nothing more in that instant than to feel the warmth of his blood in the back of my throat. I knew it would soothe the burn deliciously, like the perfect salve. I leapt toward him, but I collided with something hard and couldn't get any closer. I fought viciously against the barrier between me and the one thing that could quench the fire in my throat. I growled and snarled repeatedly as I kicked and hit out, my entire being focused on the pulsing vein in his throat.

I heard someone shouting for Edward and felt arms encircling me tightly. I snapped at the arms and the barrier. I couldn't focus on anything but trying to get through everything that was stopping me from reaching my goal, until Edward's face came into my line of sight. He laid his hands gently on my cheeks and kissed my lips tenderly. The smell of Charlie's blood was masked for one second by Edward's scent, but that one second was enough for me to clear my head and for the impact of what I had almost done to hit me.

I sobbed and peered passed Edward to my father. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. I had no idea if he heard me or not, all I could see was a look of absolute shock and disgust on his face. I didn't resist as Edward began to drag me out of the room. Before long we were in the empty lot where Jacob had found me earlier. I was wrapped tightly in Edward's arms as he rubbed my back and I sobbed tearlessly into his chest.

"What happened?" I asked, once I had collected myself enough to vocalise my question.

Edward gave me a strange look. I could tell it was one of those situations where he wished he could read my mind like everyone else.

"No, I don't mean what _I_ did, I understand that completely." The mortification I felt was more than enough evidence that I understood that part. "I mean who stopped me?"

"Jasper. He sensed the shift in your emotions just in time." He laughed mirthlessly. "It's odd being one of the last ones to know when something like that happens. Usually, I know long before anyone else can even suspect."

"Even before Jasper?"

"Well, usually it _is _Jasper. That's why he recognised the emotion so well."

"Lucky he did," I whispered. "God, Edward, if I had..." I winced. "I would never have forgiven myself."

"I know, love." Edward stroked my hair lightly. "Why don't we go hunt now? We can spend the night away from here. If you like, we can come back in the morning and talk to Charlie. Once your thirst has been doused, at least a little."

I nodded.

"OK, wait here. I will be back in a minute." He ran back into the hotel room, presumably to let Jasper and Emmett know where we were going and give them instructions about Jacob. He was back in less than two minutes. "Let's go."

We headed back to the forest where everything had changed just a few hours ago. The evidence of our fight was still clear to anyone who knew what had happened but overall the area was relatively untouched. The only telltale sign that anything had happened were the discarded Jeep seats, some tire tracks, patches of bloodstains on the dirt and the remnants of the fire that signalled the end of Victoria; and of course the scents of everyone who had been involved, but no humans would ever detect those. I thought I noticed a new scent, something that hadn't been there earlier, but I put it out of my mind because I hadn't been thinking clearly then. Edward seemed wary of the spot and anxious to keep moving.

Edward and I hunted until I was completely glutted. I felt so full I could swear I heard a sloshing sound as I walked. Then once we were satiated, we curled into each other's arms and sat in silence. It was exactly the sort of release I had needed from the strain I had felt and the silence was never uncomfortable. It never had been. It felt like even when we said nothing, our souls were in constant communication, whispering of our love for one another. We sat wrapped in each other for the rest of the night and only started speaking again after the sun had risen in the morning.

"So what now?" I asked.

"Did you want to go back and face Charlie?"

I shrugged. I honestly didn't know. I wanted to, but how could I possibly even begin to explain to him what had happened last night?

"Everyone else will be back by lunchtime, we can wait for them to arrive if you prefer?"

I thought for a second then nodded. "I don't know if I want to see Charlie again. How do I explain..." I trailed off. I didn't need to ask the question, it was something Edward had wrestled with himself at one stage, he'd had to tell me about his desire for my blood, but the situations were so different. He hadn't fought like a banshee to get to me.

"I don't know, love. I'll help you out where I can, but I'll leave the final choice up to you. If you want to see him again we will, but if not we'll fade back out of his life."

"I know, thank you."

"Do you want to take you mind off of it?" He smiled lopsidedly at me.

I raised my eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?"

"Something that is a great stress reliever."

I grinned as he stood and reached his hand down, pulling me to my feet. Suddenly, we were running through the trees at top speed. He was right—the release that came from simply running as fast as we could was wonderful, cathartic even.

We ran for hours without stopping. There wasn't much space to cover so we ran in a large, loose circle around the forest, not caring about the destination but just relishing the experience. Finally, Edward slowed and pulled me into his arms and kissed me softly. I pushed closer to him and his arms encircled me, holding me tight. His hands slid up and down my back slowly. Eventually, as his kisses grew more intense, his hands came to rest, one buried in my hair and the other on the small of my back. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders in return. He growled wantonly into my mouth as he kissed me. It set fires burning in other parts of my body. Even though there wasn't a single gap between us, I wanted to hold him closer still. I fell to the ground, pulling Edward down with me until his weight rested delightfully on top of me. In the process, my shirt was tugged up slightly and his hands were resting on my bare skin. Fire erupted under his fingertips. He started to rub gentle circles around my stomach. I moaned against him, pressing my hips upwards toward him urgently.

As if my reaction was some sort of secret signal saying 'stop', Edward pulled himself off me. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to get so carried away."

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back on top of me. "You can carry me as far as you want."

He laughed. "The others will be back very soon. I want to take advantage of this cloud cover to get back to the motel."

His words brought everything crashing back down on me, and the freedom of the past few hours was instantly forgotten.

"I'll book us a room to ourselves. I promised you, remember; it will be up to you what to do."

I nodded. "Thanks."

We ran back to the road and then walked at human pace ready to disappear at a moment's notice if the sun peeked out from its hiding place behind the clouds. We timed our arrival perfectly, arriving at the motel just as the Cullens pulled up in a rental car. Alice shot me a strange look as they climbed from their cars. I wanted to ask Edward what it was about, but he'd already headed over to Carlisle to discuss Jacob's injuries. He made some arrangement with Carlisle before turning to enter the reception office, no doubt to book a room for us. I watched as he stood behind Alice, waiting for her to finish her booking.

After everyone else had headed up to their rooms, or in Carlisle's case Charlie's room, Alice walked over to me. Her face was set in a deep frown and she eyed me distastefully.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked, growing concerned over her strange behaviour.

She glanced over her shoulder, staring sadly at Edward before shaking her head. "Why are you going to do it, Bella?"

"Do what?" I was growing more confused by the second.

"I just don't understand how you can do it to him?" She growled.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"After everything you went through, I just don't understand why you did it all?"

"I really don't understand what you are you talking about."

She scowled again as the office door opened and Edward emerged. She stalked away just as Edward snaked one hand around my waist and held out a room key with the other. I leaned my back against his chest and he held me a little tighter.

"What was that about?" he asked, inclining his head at Alice's retreating form.

"I was hoping you could tell me," I murmured, reaching back to tap his temple gently.

He grimaced. "She was blocking me. She has been ever since they pulled up."

"Sorry, she didn't say anything to enlighten me." In fact, it was the opposite, everything she had said only served to leave me more confused, and more than a little concerned.

"Love, do you want to go see Jacob and Charlie?" He asked as he led me up the stairs.

I still hadn't worked out a plan of attack for dealing with the issue of my father. "Not just yet, please? Right now I really just want to have a shower and take some time to think."

"OK, but I really need to speak to Carlisle about Jacob's injuries. Will you be alright by yourself for a while?"

I nodded, holding out my palm for the keys. "I'm sure I'll survive on my own for a little while." I kissed his cheek. "But don't take too long."

He dropped the keys into my hand and pointed out our room. It was two floors below Charlie's, so I left the staircase while Edward continued up another flight.

I had barely closed the door behind me, when I heard a knock. I figured it must have been Alice, coming to discuss whatever was worrying her, but found the entryway empty. I glanced around quickly and noticed a note on the floor next to the door.

_A matter has arisen which needs your urgent attention. Go to a place where Edward will not follow. _

I was confused and concerned about exactly what Alice thought was going to happen. Why would she need to go to such lengths to talk to me alone? I decided to go along with it; she had always been one of my fiercest supporters after all. I tried to think of a location far enough away that Edward wouldn't hear our conversation through Alice's thoughts. That was obviously a big concern to her. I decided the place that I had frequented so much in the last twenty-four hours was as good a place as any, at least we both knew it. I knew she would see my decision and meet me there, so didn't worry about calling her. Instead, I wrote Edward a quick note letting him know I would be back shortly and headed back toward the forest where Victoria had met her end.

It was still daylight outside, so I kept to the shadows and ran only when I was certain no one else was around. Several times, I'd thought I'd heard a snuffling noise behind me, but as I turned, I found myself alone. When I arrived in the forest I tried not to become distracted by the charcoal remnants of the fire or the now kicked in dirt where Jacob had lain injured.

I was expecting Alice, so I was more than a little surprised to see Sam step out from between the trees.

"Sam? What are you doing here?" I asked, confused.

"I needed to speak to you, I went to your room, but you were leaving. I caught the scent of that other vampire by your door and wanted to make sure everything was alright."

"Other vampire?" I thought quickly about who it could have been, and then looked down at the note in my hand. "Oh, you mean Alice Cullen?" I smiled.

He shook his head. "It wasn't one of the Cullens."

"What?"

"The scent I detected didn't belong to any of the Cullens."

He cocked his head to one side and I listened carefully as he did. Footsteps were approaching our location. I noticed a strange scent on the breeze. Sam sniffed the air and with a nod confirmed what I suspected; it was the scent he had detected back at the motel.

"Sam, hide. Stay close by, but whatever happens, whatever you hear, stay hidden."

I crouched down into a fighting stance as I waited for the appearance of the unknown vamp. Finally, a tiny little thing appeared in deep grey robes. Her ruby red eyes shone violently from her white face as she assessed the scene with an almost bored detachment. She didn't even seem to register that I was crouched ready to attack, or if she did, she didn't care. Finally, she pushed the hood of her cloak back off her face and met my eyes, smiling at me without any warmth. "Bella Swan?" she asked almost as if she didn't expect an answer—or already knew it.

I nodded.

"I see you got my note."

"Who are you?" I demanded.

"You can call me Jane." She smiled a little wider, but her eyes squinted slightly in frustration.

I waited silently for her to get to the point. She had lured me out here for a meeting—one that couldn't include Edward for some reason—so I didn't see the point of engaging in simple pleasantries.

"I'll get right to the point, shall I?" she murmured, her gaze falling heavily on me again. It was almost as if she was expecting me to do something, but I had no idea what. When I didn't do whatever she had expected me to it was almost as if I was failing to satisfy some need she had. "We know about your alliance with the wolves."

A million questions sprang to my mind. Not least of them was what Sam was thinking in his hiding place just a few feet away. "Who's we?"

She snapped her fingers and two more vampires appeared suddenly, one huge—larger even than Emmett—the other lithe with a wry grin on his face. The way the thinner one's eyes trailed over my body made me feel altogether uncomfortable, making me feel like I was standing naked in front of them. "_We_, are the Volturi."

My head spun as distant, human memories came to my mind. I recalled a discussion with Edward, while we watched Romeo and Juliet, he'd made it clear then; you don't irritate the Volturi unless you want to die. I managed to stifle the gasp that threatened to escape instead I managed to find my words and pushed them out through my gritted teeth. "What do you want?"

"We know about your alliance with the wolves; creatures whose very purpose in life is to rid the world of our kind." Her voice held the contempt her face had shown earlier, almost as if the wolves and the threat they posed was beneath her concern. In truth, it probably was. "We therefore take that alliance very personally and we assume _you_ pose a threat to our existence." She laughed softly at the thought. It was a sound of pure evil and vanity. She knew I posed absolutely no risk to her or her way of life.

"We don't want to harm other vampires," I growled softly.

She sighed. "I take it that you are denying allegations that you and your fiancé killed another vampire overnight." Her eyes focused on spot where the fire had consumed Victoria's body before shifting back to me. Each of her moves was slow and deliberate and I knew she had a better understanding of the events than I would have liked.

I wasn't sure how to answer. I suddenly realised I was on trial for something, but I didn't know the exact charges. The wrong word could see me—or worse, Edward—killed.

"Do you also deny that your fiancé worked hard to save the life a werewolf?"

I felt my stomach clench. _Was she trying to gather evidence against Edward?_ "No, he—" I wasn't able to say any more. She stepped closer to me, flanked on either side by the other two vampires.

"Crimes such as these are deserving of severe punishment." She tilted her head and smiled again, the frustration was growing more evident by the passing second. "Punishment that yourself and your fiancé will each face."

My breathing hitched and I wrapped my arms around my chest. "You... you can't punish Edward for it," I said quickly.

She scoffed. "My dear, we can punish any guilty party. We are the law."

"No, you don't understand," I cried. "He only helped Jacob because of me. I'll take whatever punishment you give, I'll face it willingly, if only you promise to leave him alone."

"You'll take whatever punishment we give regardless and so shall your fiancé." She didn't even seem concerned that she was talking about life and death. In fact there was a certain smugness in her voice as she talked about the death of the love of my existence.

"Please," I begged. "I will do anything you ask, anything, just spare his life. _Please_."

The lithe vampire stepped up and whispered something in her ear. She regarded me carefully for a second before sighing. "Fine."

I exhaled sharply in relief.

"Follow me," she said.

"No, please. Let me say goodbye?"

"You had your chance before you came out to meet us."

"I didn't know," I choked on my words and struggled to hold in the sobs that were threatening to overtake me. "Please give me one last night? I'll meet you tomorrow, I swear, just give me tonight to stop him from following me. I won't go back on what I promised, not if it will keep Edward safe."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Be here at dawn tomorrow." Then, as suddenly as she had appeared, she was gone.

~0~


	16. One Night

**Chapter 16: One Night**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

I stood on shaky legs as I watched the spot where the trees had closed in behind Jane and the Volturi thugs. Already, the consequences of what I had hastily agreed to filtered through to my consciousness. I struggled to comprehend the idea of leaving Edward; not like I had before when I'd run with the intention of returning to him, but of leaving him forever, of _dying. _It would be my sacrifice to save his life, but I would be dying nonetheless.

I was scared and ashamed. I knew without a doubt that Edward wouldn't understand, but I just couldn't bear to think about what he would think of me after I was gone. The thought of a world without Edward in it just wasn't worth considering. My decision and the consequences kept chasing each other in circles within my ever deepening grief. I was so consumed by my sorrow that I jumped instinctively when I felt a hand touch my arm.

"Bella?" Sam's face was filled with concern and confusion. "What did you just agree to?"

I shook my head, I wouldn't be able to vocalise my motives or emotions.

"You're leaving?"

I nodded. "Please…you can't ever let Edward know."

Sam seemed confused. "We could take 'em," he murmured. "My brothers and I."

I shook my head. "The Volturi are too powerful. The Cullens have _gifts_ that make them stronger than a usual coven and even they are scared to go up against the Volturi."

"There were only three," he growled.

"Only three that you saw," I corrected. "How many more are lying in wait? How many more are in the next state or the one after that? They knew about what happened here, what else do they know? How do you know they don't know where your tribe is and are just waiting for the right reason to attack? How long do you think you could protect your people if you were under constant attack?"

He cast his eyes downward.

"Exactly, now please, promise me that you won't tell Edward."

"I promise."

I turned to him. "You can't even think about this conversation again once you leave here. Edward has one of those gifts I was talking about…" I dropped my voice lower and took a step closer to Sam. Surprisingly, he didn't flinch. "He can read minds."

Sam just nodded. Obviously the wolves already knew the theory of vampires with talents, or perhaps they knew about Edward's gift from when the treaty was struck.

I wondered how much more could go wrong. Just an hour ago I'd thought Edward and I were finally clear of the problems that seemed to have plagued our relationship since the beginning.

"Jacob wanted me to let you know that the treaty is still intact."

I could feel the look of surprise that crossed my features, but I didn't feel the emotion any more than skin-deep. I couldn't, all that was left inside of me was a hollow core ever since I'd agreed to leave Edward. But I managed a small sigh of relief that at least I wasn't going to cause the Cullens more problems with the wolves.

"He saw how you all worked together to help when the bloodlust became too much. Maybe that same attitude can be applied to this situation?"

I shook my head. "I wish there was some way, but I can't risk Edward's life. I won't."

Sam nodded and I realised he had experienced a love similar to mine. I would have questioned him about it, except all I could think about were the seconds ticking away until my deadline. I could almost hear them running through my head. _Tick tick tick tick tick_. I just wanted to get back to Edward as quickly as I could and spend some time with him.

"Tell Jacob thanks," I murmured.

"You're going to see him again before you go aren't you?" he asked. "At least to say goodbye?"

I shook my head sadly. Once again, I was choosing Edward over Jacob, but it was never a difficult decision. Jacob was my friend, but Edward was my _everything_. I only had a few precious hours before I needed to break his heart. I closed my eyes as I tried to remind myself it was to keep him safe.

I followed Sam back to the motel, stopping him once more to remind him that he could never speak of or even think about what had gone down in the forest again. He owed me no loyalty, and yet he agreed. I hugged him with sadness, knowing that his scent would mask all trace of the unknown vampire.

Edward would never know what really happened, even Alice…my mind stopped cold. Alice. She had been distant and cold, wanting to know why I was going to do it. Her attitude suddenly made sense. She hadn't seen my visitor, but my desire to save Edward at any cost was so deeply ingrained in me that the outcome was already set when the Volturi had decided their action—long before I'd even left the motel.

I walked inside, relieved when I saw that Edward wasn't back yet. I destroyed the note that I'd left for him before undressing and climbing into the shower, turning the water up so high that it would have scalded my human skin. I wanted to scrub away the wretched feelings I had, but there wasn't enough heat to scrub away the horror or enough steam to fog the visions that played out in my mind. As much as I tried to push everything out of my mind and have one happy night with Edward, I couldn't. I gave up trying to hold myself together and sank to the floor of the shower. Huge, gasping sobs overtook my body and I jammed my fist into my mouth to stop any sound escaping. I had no doubt that I was going to my death and I was terrified. Of course I was frightened of dying, but the thought that Edward might seek revenge scared me more. I would have no way of stopping him and he would die needlessly.

I had fallen as low as I would allow myself to go. I wasn't going to find answers under the water. I had to treat this decision like my one to move to Forks. I knew I would make that decision again despite my current state. My insides ripped in two as I thought about the pain I was going to put Edward through. If he suffered even half as much as I had, it would be agony for him.

I tried not to think about the fact that I'd experienced emotions much more keenly since my change and I tried to push the memory of Edward's appearance when he'd thought I was dead out of my mind. I realised running over my doubts was just going to drive me insane. There was nothing I could do about it. I had accepted my punishment. I tried to hold on to the relief that at least Edward wouldn't be punished.

I turned off the water and stood in the shower cavity for a beat too long as I tried to compose myself completely. I grabbed a towel and had begun to dry myself off before realising that I hadn't bought any clothes with me into the bathroom. I wasn't even sure if anyone had thought to take our bag to our room. I wrapped the towel tightly around myself and padded silently to the bed. I saw a bag—the one Jasper had brought when he and Emmett collected me and Edward from the last motel—resting on the bed and my thoughts turned even more melancholy. It was nothing more than a simple duffel bag stuffed with a few simple possessions, and yet it represented everything I was about to lose. _A family. My family_. Pictures of all of their faces filtered through my mind, starting with Esme and ending with Alice. I couldn't believe I would be parting with her on such horrid terms. The aloofness she had shown toward me was just so _not_ Alice.

I bent down to begin my search for some clothes—clothes to die in—when I heard someone clearing their throat behind me. I jumped, my nerves frayed to breaking point.

"Do you care to explain yourself now?" Alice growled.

I closed my eyes to block out the scowl on her face. "I can't," I whispered.

"You're going to leave him and all you have to say for yourself is _you can't_?" Alice was fuming. The protective streak I'd seen when she'd taken me to Phoenix was out in force. "It's not good enough…Oh my God!"

The sudden change in her demeanour forced me to open my eyes and look at her. Her eyes were focused back on me and from the expression on her face, I assumed she had seen what would happen to me at dawn. I began to worry that Edward would have seen it too.

"Bella..." she whispered before trailing off. She met my eyes and I tried not to focus on the pain I saw in hers. "How could you?"

I bit my lip, unable to tell her that I had to.

"Why?" she asked sadly.

"I have no choice, Alice. They…" I couldn't vocalise the fact that they had threatened Edward. "I'm doing what I have to do."

She frowned.

"Just please don't tell Edward," I pleaded, knowing it was probably too late. "I can't have him trying to stop me."

"Why would you do this?"

"Because I have to, Alice." I dropped my eyes. "It's not like I planned it, but there just isn't another way."

"But why the Volturi?" she asked. Surely she knew it was impossible to go up against them.

"They're powerful. Too powerful to resist, surely you know that?"

"I don't understand. Aren't you happy? Isn't Edward your true love?"

I shook my head in frustration, surely she could see that this was all for Edward; to save him. "It's not that simple, Alice. If I thought there was another way, I would try. But I can't..."

Alice stepped away from me in horror. I closed my eyes, wondering how on earth I could stop Edward from following me. I was surprised he hadn't beaten down the door in his rush to get to me to prevent me from following through with my agreement already.

Jasper emerged from behind Alice, taking in my wet hair and towel-clad body and looking away quickly. "Edward and Carlisle are about half an hour away," he murmured before turning and leaving.

"As if I didn't know that," Alice murmured.

I felt a small flicker of hope. Edward might not have heard.

"Please, let me tell him Alice? Please? I need to make him understand."

I could see she was torn; she seemed to be waiting on some vision to guide her.

"Talk to Sam after I've gone," I said finally in an attempt to placate her. "He knows everything."

"Why does Sam know? Why couldn't you talk to me?"

"It's too long a story to explain now, Alice."

"It's going to break his heart," she murmured. I knew she wasn't talking about Sam.

"I know."

"I wish you wouldn't do this, Bella."

"I know, but I have to."

"Edward will be here soon," she whispered. "There is still time to change your mind."

"Please, Alice, if our friendship ever meant anything to you, please don't say anything?"

She frowned but nodded. She said a hasty goodbye, leaving me to dress before Edward arrived.

I leafed quickly through the clothes in the bag, finding a midnight blue satin dress crumpled into the bottom corner. I pulled it out. I wanted to feel pretty and sexy for my last night with Edward, and I knew the simple dress would do the job. I dropped my towel and made a brave decision. I slid the dress over my head, relishing the way the silky material caressed my skin. It felt almost scandalous moving around with only a flimsy dress covering me and not wearing underwear, but it gave me something else to concentrate on rather than my impending demise—or Edward's heartbreak.

I dried my hair off hastily, knowing I only had minutes before Edward would arrive. I'd already decided I wanted to spend our last night together wrapped in his arms, and I realised the dress might be enough to tip the odds in my favour. I waited expectantly just beside the door, hoping that Alice hadn't changed her mind and told him everything. Eventually, the door pushed open and Edward entered, greeting me with a lopsided grin that simultaneously bolstered my determination and threatened to ruin my plan.

"Wow," he exclaimed as his eyes raked appreciatively over my body.

I managed to arrange my face in something resembling a smile.

"What happened between you and Alice?" he asked finally, seeming to come to his senses again.

I froze, worried that she had said or thought something to give me away. "Nothing, why?" I asked finally, struggling to keep my voice level and unstressed.

"She just..." he started, looking back out the hotel door. When he turned back to me he smiled again. "Never mind." He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

I stood still for a moment. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and never let go, but I knew that the instant I did, time would pass in a cruel flash and it would be time for me to leave. I took a moment to run my eyes over him, absorbing every little detail, just in case there was an afterlife for our kind.

_Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace! _

The thought sent me flying across the room toward him. As I reached him, I cupped his cheek with my hand before guiding his lips down toward me, at the same time I pushed up on my tiptoes, eager for the moment when our lips would meet. I knew the old me would have been crying at the thoughts chasing each other through my head, but I was able to hold myself together enough to show him my desire. I kissed him lovingly, trying to communicate with my mouth what I was unable to with words.

My hands roamed freely, cupping his head and neck, desperate to memorise the feeling of him beneath the pads of my fingers and the texture of his hair against my palm. I growled softly into his mouth, using my body to press against him as a signal of how badly I wanted him, of how much love I felt for him. Just as he began to pull away from the kiss, my hands found his and I guided them to the hemline of the dress. His bare palms rested against the skin of my thighs and my arousal flamed. I longed for his touch on and in and everywhere. His hand hitched my dress up a little higher as I deepened the kiss again, his fingers rested along the line where my panties should have rested, had I been wearing any.

The feeling of his skin pushing the gentle satin higher on my body made me shiver before suddenly his hands left me.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a frown.

I closed my eyes as embarrassment flooded through me for being so wanton. I just wanted every part of him I could have before I faced my doom. I stepped away from him.

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

He closed the distance between us. "Bella," he growled softly. "We've discussed this."

I nodded and hung my head. "I know, Edward. I just need you so badly."

"Bella?" he asked, and I realised he was closer than I'd thought. He touched his finger to my chin to make me look up at him. "What's going on?"

"I just need to wipe the last day from my mind." I wanted to forget about my bargain, at least until it was time to fulfil it. "You are the only one who can help me."

I met and held his eye, trying to convey just how desperately I needed him. I placed my palms against his shirt as I dropped my head down. I couldn't look at him anymore. I wasn't going to force him into something he didn't want. I wasn't even absolutely sure I wanted it, but our time had run out. I decided I rather spend my last hours with Edward just holding him, instead of trying to force him to do something he wasn't comfortable with.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, trying not to allow my shame to flare again as I thought about my bare skin under the satin dress. I turned away to get changed into something else, but I felt Edward's hand clutch my elbow to stop me.

He pulled me back to him before bending to whisper in my ear, "Maybe…" he trailed off and I turned to look at him.

He bent to kiss me again, soft and tender at first. Then, almost as if some part of him was responding to my aching need, he pushed harder. His hands found their way to the hem of my dress of their own free will. His fingers teased the skin there gently, before slowly making their way around the tops of my thighs. He seemed to be trying to decide something, before finally deepening the kiss even further, his tongue melding with my own and I felt the back of his hand graze ever so gently across my arousal. I moaned desperately at the touch, and rather than stop him, it seemed to encourage him because he did it again. My hands looped around his neck for support as my hips tipped involuntarily toward him. He moaned as he turned his hand around and cupped me gently.

I gasped as his fingers began to brush across me intimately. The feeling of his feather-light stroke was indescribable. I tipped my head back to free the sounds building within me. As I did, his lips moved to my throat, caressing and sucking gently. I had no idea what name to give the sensations coursing through my body, but I wished they would never stop. I hadn't really known what to hope for when I had thrown myself at him, but his soft, loving touch was perfect.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing," he murmured self-consciously.

I groaned desperately in response, unable to manage anything more. He may not have had practise, but he seemed to know exactly where to touch to inflame my body. I only hoped my inarticulate sounds told him what I wanted to communicate so desperately—that he should never stop.

Just as I began to feel guilty for pushing him into an action he hadn't wanted—he wanted to keep our intimacy sacred for our wedding night—his lips found mine again. Slowly, cautiously, he pushed one finger inside me, continuing to issue whispered devotions and mumbled apologies. A second finger joined the first while he rubbed me gently with his palm. I shook desperately against him as he found a steady rhythm. I felt a strange twisting through my insides, like everything was being tied up into a giant knot. A delicious fire lapped around the edges of the knot, and as he moved, the intensity of the flames heightened. He kissed my mouth roughly as the motion of his fingers sped a little. My hands fisted the collar of his shirt and I tried to pull him closer. A loud tearing sound proved that I had greatly misjudged my own strength and moments later the material gave and his shirt fell away from his body.

His fingers stopped their motion and then he pulled his hand away. I sighed at the loss of his touch, thinking the shirt had been the last straw for him and his sense of what was right had overtaken his desire to grant my carnal desire again. But then he put his lips to my ear and whispered, "There is something I've dreamed about for a long time."

I stood clutching his ruined shirt, unable to vocalise the question I needed to ask.

His eyes dropped away and he seemed to become almost embarrassed as he breathed heavily, "I'd love to taste you."

I closed my eyes briefly to contemplate what he meant by his statement. Edward's incendiary words were like a blowtorch held against the knot in my stomach. I nodded to show that I wanted that too. I would eagerly take everything he was willing to give. It felt like I'd been starved of his touch all my life and now, when there were only hours left for me to claim it, I wanted to gorge myself.

Edward scooped me up into his arms, brushing my legs out from underneath me before carrying me to the bed and laying me down tenderly. He smiled at me and his eyes held such devotion and dedication that I had to look away before my will broke. My deadline sprung back into my mind, but I tried to push everything about the meeting with the Volturi away and concentrate on Edward's touch. He ran his fingers gently along my legs, his hands tracing in long circles that I was sure were designed to drive me crazy.

I glanced up at him, not sure why he'd reverted back to innocent touches. I actually managed to smile when I saw the expression on his face. He had captured his lip between his teeth and was glancing down at me almost awkwardly. I raised my hand to his face and guided it down toward my own, trying to let him know with my touch that I was fine with whatever he was willing to offer. I wouldn't push him again. I kissed him gently, and he responded instantly, willingly. He shifted so that he was supporting his weight above me, but his body pressed tightly against mine, only the thin satin of my dress separated us.

Edward's lips moved down to caress my throat. Then slowly he traced a path down to the neckline of my dress. His hand traced along my décolletage, before pulling the dress a little lower to allow his tongue to dip beneath the material. He moaned into my chest as his palms traced along the satin and his hands cupped my breasts gently. I arched my back, aching to get closer to him. His trail of kisses continued over the material draping across my stomach and his hands dragged along my waist until he held my hips tightly in his grasp. I looked down my body, struck mute by the beauty contrasted by the pools of deep blue fabric against his pale skin. Edward's head dipped down toward me and then I felt his lips press lightly against the point of my arousal. I cried out passionately at the foreign sensation when his tongue traced forward and gently licked me once. Shivers of pleasure radiated out from the point of his touch and through my entire being.

My breaths came in heavy, desire laden pants. I was desperate for him to do it again. His hands dropped away from my waist and I felt him push himself up.

"I can't, Bella," he muttered.

Humiliation coursed through me.

I didn't know whether it was something I had said, or whether my body just wasn't what he actually wanted.

I wanted to roll over and turn away from him. I wanted to run so that I could hide my anguish at his harsh rejection of me .

"You taste so good. You _feel_ so good. I won't be able to stop," he continued.

I realised that his pause wasn't caused by me. He wasn't rejecting me. Hope sprung within me and I wanted to spur him on. "Then don't," I pleaded,

His hands clutched my waist but he didn't move closer to me. I tried not to buck my hips, but I was so desperate for some sort of friction to ease the burn within me that I couldn't keep myself still. I closed my eyes as I urged my body to calm.

Suddenly Edward's lips rested against me again before he breathed out softly across my heat and I bucked my hips desperately. He chuckled before his tongue began to gently stroke and caress me. The soft wetness drove me crazy and I began to squirm against his hands that were holding me captive. My fingers found their way into his silken hair and I tugged it gently. I had no idea _this _could feel so mind-blowingly terrific. Now that he had given himself over to the sensations and emotions, he seemed to have no reservations. He whispered sweet, loving words against me, heightening the pleasure I was feeling.

We moaned in unison when I bucked my hips again, his tongue plunged deep within me. The knot inside of me tightened and stretched, twisting on itself again as it burned hotter and hotter until finally with another masterful stroke of his tongue, Edward shattered my world.

It was almost as if he had pulled both ends of the knot at the same time and it had untied, unravelling as the fire consumed me. My back arched off the mattress and I almost screamed from the fantastic and alien experience.

As I began to come to myself again, I realised Edward hadn't finished. He was slowly making his way back up my spent body, dragging my dress up slowly and revealing more of my skin as he went. When he reached my chest he growled as he took the bud of my breast into his mouth. The knot that I'd thought he'd untied completely began to twist in my stomach again and I knew there was more in store for the two of us. _So much more._ If only we had more time to explore each other. The thought reminded me of my impending deadline. The time had ticked away horribly fast—too fast.

The urge to know more of his body, to know all of his body, became insatiable. I grasped his shoulders tightly and rolled, pushing us across the bed in a fluid movement so that I ended perched on his lap. My mouth began to roam anxiously around his bare chest, desperate to memorise his taste and the feel of his skin beneath my lips and tongue. I fumbled with the fastenings on his pants until his hands clamped down around my wrists and he gently pulled me away. "Bella," he growled.

I sat up, licking my lips to let him know how much I wanted this—him.

"I want to taste you too." I was unable to meet his eye as I mumbled my request.

His hand released my wrist and touched my chin to gently guide my eyes toward him.

"You don't have to," he murmured.

"I _want_ to," I moaned with desire. _I want to see you, feel you, love you_. "Please?"

He didn't respond, he just continued to watch me through darkened, lust-filled eyes. I could tell that he wanted me, but he obviously didn't think he should want to want me.

I used my free hand to continue to undress him, holding his eye and challenging him to voice the words to stop me. His eyes rolled back as my fingers dipped under his waistband. I thought for a moment before deciding I'd already ruined one part of the outfit, I might as well go all the way. I grabbed his pants and underpants in my fists and pulled, ripping them from his body in one quick motion. I growled appreciatively when I glanced down over Edward's almost naked form. The remaining material of his pants clung to his legs, the last barrier between our old relationship and the new one we were embarking on.

_The one that would end in a few short hours._

I dipped my head down to him, completely unsure what to do, but deciding that emulating what he'd done for me was as good a place to start as any. I kissed the very tip of his manhood, closing my eyes to relish the sensation of something so pure and yet so carnal. My tongue flicked forward to caress him. He moaned loudly and bucked his hips toward my mouth. I parted my lips and allowed his length to slide slowly inside. I encircled him completely, wrapping him tenderly within the confines of my lips and cheeks. He groaned appreciatively as I sucked gently, drawing him deeper into my mouth.

"Bella," he whispered, but I knew he wasn't asking me to stop.

I felt his hands begin to caress my hair softly as I continued to lavish attention on him with my mouth. He moaned and writhed beneath me as he pushed his hips against me again and again. I was stunned by the feeling of power and love coursing through me. His fingers caressed the side of my face and he began to dictate the rhythm of my movements. He guided me a little faster and I moaned around him. I could never have imagined pleasuring him would stir my own desire. I wanted to go further; I wanted to go _all the way_.

I released him and quickly climbed his body, pushing my mouth to his and laying my body flush against his. In my new position he was pressing against me, his length rubbing lightly against my thigh. I kissed Edward passionately before pulling back just a little and asking a one word question. "Please?"

He nodded almost imperceptibly. I could tell he was still struggling with his decision to take our intimacy further, but I wouldn't change my mind. Not now that I was so close to having more to take with me when I had to leave.

I wanted to experience him on me and around me. I wanted to memorise every single inch of him so that I would be able to take part of him with me wherever I ended up. I took his tiny 'yes' and used it to my advantage.

I shifted my weight slightly, feeling his hardness pressing against me. I shuddered as I pushed myself upright, lowering myself over him at the same time. I pressed down over him, feeling my body stretching to accommodate him. I cried out softly as pain radiated through me. Edward sat up suddenly, wrapping me in his arms and clutching me to him.

He brushed the hair off my face. "Are you alright, love?" he murmured into my ear.

I realised we were still joined intimately and the pain was lessening as he held me close.

I nodded.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even consider—" I cut him off with a kiss. I could tell Edward was going to start berating himself over my pain, and about allowing us to take the next step.

As we kissed, I moved my hips steadily over his, feeling him moving within me as I did. I rocked against him and felt him pushing into me, deeper and deeper. His arms gripped me tighter, until his fingers began to dig into the flesh at the base of my spine as he pushed and pulled me harder across him. Our bodies met deliciously, sliding back and forth frantically. With each thrust he filled me completely as if we had been carved to perfect precision from the same marble and he was the part of me that I hadn't even noticed was missing. Our voices filled the air, murmuring our desire and love in simple phrases and with wordless adoration.

Our bodies continued their intimate dance. I was tearlessly crying, unravelling in Edward's arms as he held me tightly. His moans and a feeling of pulsing deep within me signalled his release.

We held each other for hours. I was unwilling to move, knowing that the sooner I let him out of my arms, the sooner it would all be over. I squeezed him tighter, refusing to relinquish what we had together until the absolute last second.

"What's wrong, Bella?" he whispered against my hair.

I shook my head. "Nothing." I was able to keep any waver or doubt out of my voice—just.

"You'd tell me if something was bothering you?" he asked. "I can't read your mind, remember."

I nodded against his shoulder. "I know." It was exactly what made me so confident I could convince him I was telling the truth when I said goodbye.

~0~


	17. Two out of three ain't bad

**Chapter 17: Two out of three ain't bad**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations._ _Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

I untangled my limbs from his slowly, thinking back over the previous night as I did. Despite our slow start, we had eventually gone on to a second round and even a third.

I had to let Edward go now.

"Why don't you go for a shower," I instructed him quietly, needing the time to collect my thoughts—and my belongings.

He smiled at me before kissing my forehead softly and heading for the bathroom. When he had left the room, I spent a moment wrapping my arms tightly around myself. The feelings of grief and mourning that I'd been trying to stave off, and had managed to for brief periods, returned in force. It was almost impossible to stand up and do what needed to be done. I finally managed by taking it in steps.

Step one, pack. I spent a few minutes packing everything of mine in the room. I was almost certain that I would be facing death, I just didn't know where or when. It was that certainty which made me desperate to ensure Edward wouldn't follow me, and the only way I could do that was to convince him that I was leaving—and leaving him_. _That left only one possible path.

Step two, call a taxi. It would be quicker to run, but I couldn't risk Edward tracking my scent if my lie didn't work.

Step three, was the step I was dreading the most. It would be the hardest thing I'd ever done; the hardest thing I would ever do.

I sat on the bed and slowly pulled the engagement ring off my finger. I tried to tell myself I was merely removing a piece of jewellery, but it felt like I was ripping my heart out with my bare hands.

I heard the water stop and moments later Edward walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. I bit my lip; he was so much more comfortable with me now, the final barrier had fallen between us and all modesty had gone out the window.

I crossed the room to him, kissing him softly on the cheek and holding back the sob that threatened to issue as I did. He held out his hands, wanting me to walk into his embrace, but instead I clasped his left hand in mine and put my right hand, which contained the engagement ring, into his. I felt his fingers tighten around my fist and he cocked his head to the side, no doubt wondering what I was doing. The familiar look of frustration about not knowing my thoughts crept onto his face.

I took a deep breath and exhaled it evenly. Now wasn't the time for quivers or uncertainty. I needed to make him believe everything that I was about to do.

"Thank you," I said, working hard to keep perfect control over my voice. "Last night was..."

He smiled his lopsided smile and almost wiped all my plans from my mind. Then I remembered the reason for my decision.

"Yeah, it was something else," he murmured with a faraway look and the crooked smile locked in place.

"It just..." I paused, "it made me realise something." I opened my right hand and pressed the ring into his palm. I felt his fingers move to grab the item I was pushing against his skin. He pulled his hand away from mine, and glanced down. Then he stared at his hand in confusion.

"Bella? What–?" I could hear pain and confusion battling each other in his voice.

I took in another deep breath, and paused for a long moment to exhale it.

"Edward, for so long I've wanted you more than anything." I closed my eyes for a brief moment because the confusion on his face was making it difficult to concentrate on keeping my voice steady to execute the lie. "I needed you, like I used to need oxygen. But last night made me realise that I _don't_ love you."

His eyes widened and his breathing stopped. "What?" he croaked.

I opened my eyes and looked at him again. He looked like he was about to collapse, pain was written clearly across his face.

I gritted my teeth and continued. "I don't love you, Edward. Not like I should. I... I can't marry you."

He didn't say anything, instead he just stared into my eyes, almost as if he was willing me to continue and say something that would erase my statement.

"Bella..." he finally murmured my name, saying it like a man praying to God about something he didn't understand.

I wanted to flinch away from his intense gaze, but I assumed he was trying to detect some hint of a lie. He had always known when I was lying before, but I couldn't let him this time. I met his eye and held his gaze, trying to make mine steely and uncaring. I tried to copy the look I had seen on Jane—cold, uncaring, bored.

I could have pinpointed the exact moment when he believed the lie in my words. I saw the pain burning behind his eyes and watched as it echoed all through his body, as his heart broke. Under my gaze, he crumpled to the ground as if he had suffered a physical blow.

"Bella." His voice was cold, mourning rather than questioning, and he wouldn't look at me again.

I stared at his broken form, forcing myself to remember every tiny detail about him, knowing this would be my last chance. I breathed deeply, taking my last lungful of his scent. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry this couldn't work out how you wanted it to. Or how I thought I wanted it to. I just can't do this anymore."

I heard the taxi I ordered pull up out the front of the motel. I grabbed the bag that I had packed and turned, not even pausing to kiss him one last time. When I pulled the motel room door shut I allowed myself one moment to grieve for my loss, then I fled down the stairs into the waiting taxi.

As I reached the car, I closed my eyes for the briefest moment, comforting myself that I would always know where Edward was. When I opened my eyes, I took one more glance back to the motel room door. I longed to know what was happening behind that door. I wondered whether Edward hated me already, or whether he would follow me. I despised the thought as much as I longed for it. At least if he hated me, he wouldn't try to find me. He would never care enough to find out what happened to me. He would never know that I'd bargained my own life to save his. _This is what Edward did to me. He left, to protect me from his world when I was human._ The irony was like a knife piercing my dead heart. Now, I understood why he left. I would do _anything_ to keep him safe.

I turned back toward the taxi, fighting against every instinct I had to flee back to Edward's arms and erase everything I'd said to him.

~ 0 ~

I spent the taxi ride trying to hold myself together. I didn't need questions from the taxi driver about what was wrong. It was hard enough trying to explain to him that I needed to be dropped off on the side of the road away from all civilization. I gave him some extra cash to buy his silence as I climbed from the vehicle. I felt cold for the first time since my transformation, but I knew it had nothing to do with the actual temperature. My heart and warmth were back at the hotel room with the man I had loved and then broken.

I ran toward the designated meeting place and saw someone I wasn't expecting waiting for me.

"Alice," I choked. "What are you doing here?" Didn't she understand the danger she was putting herself in.

"I need you to tell me why," she demanded.

I shook my head. "There isn't the time, you need to leave."

"We have exactly three minutes before the Volturi guard arrive. Tell me."

"I can't. Just know that it was my choice." I dropped my head and the grief I had felt seeing Edward's face as he heard truth in my lie hit me suddenly. I turned away from her so that she wouldn't see the strain on my face. "Just leave, Alice. Let me do this. I _want_ to do this." I lied to her as easily as I had lied to Edward.

"Don't you even care how this will affect Edward?"

I shook my head. For the first time I wasn't completely lying. I didn't care if Edward thought I didn't love him, not if it saved his life. I wished there was a way forward where no one had to bear the consequences of something that shouldn't have been a crime, but there wasn't, and I had already volunteered to pay the price; the ultimate price.

I stood quickly and moved to hug Alice. She stepped out of the way of my arms quickly. I didn't blame her.

"Please tell Edward I never meant to hurt him."

"It's too little, too late, Bella." She looked at me once more in disgust and then turned and ran.

Less than a minute after Alice had left, the Volturi arrived. They made no attempt at greetings or welcomes. Instead, they beckoned for me to follow. After a short walk, we came to a car. Jane held the door open for me and slid in silently beside me when I was in. The other two guards climbed into the front seats and we were on the road. Each passing mile hurt more than the last. I knew it meant I was one more mile further away from Edward. Despite what I'd said to ensure he wouldn't follow me, I still grieved for him. I still ached for him.

We drove only as far as the airport where we were met by a waiting private jet. From there it was a near silent journey bouncing from airport to airport as we crossed the country. Other than when it was absolutely necessary to direct me, no one spoke a word the entire journey. Instead, I was left to imagine all worst-case scenarios.

I worried that Edward had realised I was lying to him and would try to find me. _What would happen if he found out I was dead?_ Then I grew anxious that he wouldn't realise and would spend the rest of eternity never knowing how I truly felt. I hoped that when I met my death, Sam would explain to him that it was to save his life. I hoped that would be some comfort to him in the long run, even though part of me knew it wouldn't be. I wondered whether I'd made the right decision, but couldn't spend too much time agonising over the choice. I had made it, it was done; all that was left now was to receive my punishment.

I wasn't told where we were going, but when I gleaned from conversations overheard that our destination was Italy, I knew I was going to face the punishment of the Volturi leaders themselves. I had no idea how these sorts of proceedings usually went, so I had no idea what to expect.

When we finally arrived in Volterra, I was ushered immediately to a throne room. I was pushed into the centre of the room and told to await my judgement. I was terrified, and the crimson eyes and blank faces of the vampires in the room did little to assuage my fear.

Finally, three regal vampires walked into the room, each wearing heavy, flowing black robes with hoods to cover their hair. Their skin looked frail, translucent, almost like onion skin and their eyes had a slightly milky glaze over the once vibrant red. The one in the middle walked slightly in front of the other two, no doubt in a show of the true distribution of power. I knew instinctively that this one would make the ultimate decision about my life. But if I was facing forever without Edward anyway, I wanted to be dead. I took a deep breath and tried to fill myself with a confidence that I didn't feel.

He stepped forward and so did I. I covered the remaining steps to him with my head bowed; trying to show him I was willing to comply—as long as they left Edward alone. I heard gasps all around the room when I stopped just in front of him. I couldn't figure out why they all seemed so shocked, and wondered whether I had broken some rule of etiquette. I was close enough to reach out and grab him, but I had only acted in a submissive way. I hadn't tried to attack him or be defensive.

A woman standing just behind the vampire, with her fingers extended to touch his robe, looked horrified, but he just laughed, throwing his head back and allowing his hood to fall off. His hair was almost the same colour and texture as the robe, so the overall effect didn't change.

"Welcome, Bella Swan. I am Aro. I'm delighted you have decided to join us."

I looked at him in confusion. "I didn't really have any choice but to come. Did I?"

He shot a quick glance at Jane. "Did you not tell Jane you would do anything if it meant your Edward would remain unharmed?"

I followed his gaze and nodded.

"Then _join_ us."

I looked at him again, my heart sinking a little. "I'm not sure I understand," I murmured, even though my mind was already processing the implications of his words.

He smiled, and I got the impression it was supposed to make me feel more comfortable, but instead it made my skin crawl. "Repent and join our guard, or face your punishment."

"Death," I murmured.

His smile widened. "You're very perceptive. Unfortunately, if we have to take this further, poor Edward will have to face trial too. That is your choice."

The chills I had felt earlier returned. I had to serve them, or they would kill Edward. My decision was ingrained and I knew my answer immediately. It didn't make the knowledge that I would be spending forever away from Edward any easier. "But why would you want me?" I asked. "I'm nothing special."

Aro chuckled softly. "My dear, you are completely unique."

I wanted to argue, but I was struck mute with the sudden realisation that Alice hadn't seen me dying. She had seen me working for the Volturi. She had thought I was leaving Edward to pursue power.

"We had a visitor recently with an interesting story to tell, all about a vampire in love with a human girl."

I eyed him warily, knowing that he obviously knew more about our story than I would have thought.

"Our visitor told us some interesting facts garnered about the vampire and his human girl."

"Victoria," I hissed.

Aro's smile turned into a smirk.

"We have known about Edward's _uniqueness_ for a number of years, but to hear of someone who completely confounds him is unheard of."

I shook my head slowly. "There's no way Victoria knew about that," I whispered, more to myself than the room at large.

"My dear, talents like Edward's, and yours, are unique. Rumours of them spread so easily, especially amongst large clans."

_Laurent? _I wondered. _Could he have learned this from the family he'd visited—the ones like the Cullens—and shared that with Victoria?_

"The information about such a powerful latent manifestation of your talent piqued our interest, but you have just proven without doubt that you are one of the most fantastically unique vampires we here have ever encountered."

"Huh?"

"You resisted Renata," he said simply, as if that was meant to clear up all of my uncertainty. "No one has ever been able to do that before."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Felix." He called to one of the vampires on the outer circle of the room, I recognised him as the larger of the vampires who had travelled with me. "Please demonstrate how effective Renata usually is."

I took an instinctive step back as Felix crouched to the ground and snarled. I had thought Emmett in attack mode was scary, but he was little more than a kitten compared to the horror of Felix. Suddenly, he charged full speed towards me and Aro. I took another backwards step trying to avoid the attack, but it was unnecessary. At the last second, his body twisted away as if he had been spun and slowed. He stopped a few yards away, facing the opposite direction.

"Do you understand now, my dear?" Aro chuckled. "Usually no one can come anywhere near me while Renata is close by. She is…incredibly useful. But you, dear one, you are immune to her gift. I wonder if you would be immune to me too?" He tilted his head to the side and offered me his hand. "May I?"

I reached my hand cautiously toward his. I was completely uncertain what I should expect or whether he would he have to ability to cause me pain. Our hands met without any change, I wasn't screaming in agony. I was doing nothing more than shaking hands with a stranger. His expression shifted from curiosity to confusion before settling back on amusement.

"Nothing!" He chuckled softly again, but his laughter seemed more menacing than mirthful.

I couldn't help my curiosity. "What should have happened?"

"I should have seen your thoughts, my dear. Every thought ever contained within that pretty head of yours." He stroked the side of my face with the back of his palm. The gesture reminded me of Edward, but held none of the same tenderness. In fact it made me want to gag, and I wasn't sure I still could. "I know Jane has been trying to get you to succumb to her gifts the whole trip and again, nothing."

I looked at Jane, she had an evil smile on her face and I was sure I didn't want to know what her gift was.

Aro whispered to me, "I'll have her demonstrate it to you one day." His smile widened at the thought. "On someone that it actually affects of course."

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the tiny girl with the blonde hair and bright red eyes. Whatever her talent was, she obviously had fun with it and the demonstration would be something she was more than willing to give.

"But now, you must make your decision."

_Join them, or die._

"Will you join us?"

_Join them, or Edward dies._

I bit my lip, and nodded.

~0~

**A/N:- I'm not into giving away all the secrets in A/Ns, but just in case you are wondering, there are 22 chaps + an epilogue in this fic. I'll leave it there shall I? **

**Hope you are still enjoying & thanks for sticking with me…you are still with me…right? **


	18. Guard Duty

**Chapter 18: Guard Duty**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

Twenty years.

Twenty years had passed since I last felt alive. Twenty years since any kind of genuine love or companionship filled my life. The only thing I had to be thankful for was that when I closed my eyes, I could see my beloved's lights still burning bright.

I had lost some of my loved ones over time, Charlie and Renee were both gone. I regretted never having the opportunity to say goodbye, especially to Charlie who had known I was alive beyond my first _death_, but I had made my choice. I had chosen an eternity of pain in exchange for Edward's life.

I spent every second of my free time lying on my bed with my eyes shut tightly so that I could see the comforting lights. To anyone who passed by, at least anyone who wasn't in the know about vampires, it would have looked like I was sleeping. I wasn't sleeping, but I _was_ dreaming. I dreamed about my lost family, the Cullens, all of the time. It broke my heart to picture their faces, but it hurt so much more not to.

I could still recall with perfect precision the days and weeks following my choice. I had been shown to a tiny room with nothing more than a wardrobe. It didn't even have a mirror. I had fallen to my knees in the middle of the room sobbing as I remembered the look on Edward's face as I broke his heart. I knew it would haunt me forever. Even as I tried to convince myself that at least he was alive, part of me mourned for what was now lost to me forever. I had sobbed out near-silent apologies for every choice that I'd made to lead us to where we were. We were apart. It was almost two years before I'd finally stopped that nightly ritual and taken to studying my internal map instead.

The light that burned the brightest behind my eyes was a reminder of everything I held tender in the world. I was well aware of the fact that Edward didn't think of me the same way, and that he'd possibly moved on to find someone else, but it didn't change the way that I felt. I would love him until the day that I _expired_.

The other eight lights belonged to his family and Jacob and Sam. No new lights had come into existence since my arrival in Volterra, because despite living with the same vampires for twenty years I'd never become close to anyone.

Over the years, I'd managed to gather a few extra items. Eyebrows were raised but no questions were asked when I requested a bed. As a high-ranking member of the guard, no one ever questioned me. I went through each day doing what was necessary before retiring to my room, lying on my bed and watching the movement of the points of light on my map.

I never told Aro or any of the guard about my ability. I knew that I would have been banned from my favourite pastime if they knew the extent of comfort I garnered from it. It had been made clear early on that comfort and companionship were not highly valued commodities around the hallowed halls of the Volturi fortress. Power and respect were all any of the vampires understood.

I shivered when I thought about how clearly that concept had been demonstrated to me.

A month after my arrival, well into my training but before I actually served on the guard, another vampire was bought in for punishment. She had broken the cardinal rule and exposed herself to humans. She was just a newborn left to her own devices so she hadn't known any better, but that hadn't stopped Aro giving her to Jane like a chew-toy to a pit-bull.

I had been forced to endure what could only be described as torture to 'learn' about the ways of the coven. For the next three hours, the poor girl endured such agony that she had screamed herself hoarse and ripped great chunks of her own skin off her face and neck. The most horrendous part was that the pain had been inflicted without anyone ever touching her. Jane had simply stood stock still and smiled, staring at her for three hours. The longer the torture lasted, the wider Jane's smile had become. Seeing the reverence on the faces of the vampires watching was what had disgusted me beyond belief.

Initially, I earned no respect. Mostly because I had no desire to be the most powerful vampire or even to sink my claws into someone powerful and partly because, to the common eye, it looked like I had no talent to speak of. I was content to be left alone and to leave everyone else alone. Part of me wished, even in the beginning, that the Volturi would just shut me in a room and throw away the key. It was only when I was reminded that Edward had also committed a crime in their eyes that I realised nothing would ever be enough. There would be a sword having over his head until the day I expired. I decided on that day to be above reproach. I still didn't interact outside of what was vitally important, but I tried to play it off as self-importance and not genuine distaste for everyone around me.

It took weeks of training for me to discover exactly what it was that allowed me to defy Aro's and Janes's talents. _And Edward's. _At the end of that time, I finally had a name for my talent. I was a shield. It took months more to work out how to extend it out from my body at all. The biggest delay was caused by the fact that I blamed my talent for what had happened. If I hadn't been so 'special' the Volturi would most likely have left me alone. Eventually though, I did manage to project it out and was able to cover other vampires for short periods of time.

Another couple of months spent on my talent and I was able to encircle Aro, Caius and Marcus for as long as needed. That was the day I took my place in the guard beside Renata, ensuring Aro, in particular, was completely impervious to both physical and mental attacks.

During one of my training sessions, I inadvertently discovered that I could also lower my shield away from my own mind. When I first did it, it was an accident and it had been down for less than a second, but in that second I had experienced the pain Jane could inflict on people. For half a second, I thought she had suspected something was different, but then the training had continued as normal.

Once I had discovered that ability, I spent a little time exercising it but only during spare moments in training when I was alone. I couldn't risk Aro suspecting that I had the ability to pull my shield down, or else he might force me to do it, so he could read my thoughts and find out the truth about the Cullens. Aro knew about Edward's ability to read minds but as far as I could tell, that was all. They had never indicated that they knew about Jasper or Alice. I was sure if they knew about Alice, she would have been coveted. I had quickly learned that anything the Volturi covet, the Volturi get.

I truly hated living in Volterra. Despite many requests to the contrary, I was forced to feed on humans. They were paraded in at regular intervals like cattle led to slaughter. I tried to resist but because I wasn't allowed out of the fortress, I had no other option.

At first, I had refused for so long that I became weak with thirst. They knew that between my unwillingness to feed and my newborn bloodlust, it wouldn't have taken much to tip the scales to their advantage.

Demetri—the other guard who had collected me from Portland—bought a young woman into my room one night. I could still recall her face, it haunted me some nights. She was murmuring in another language but I could tell her words were pleas for mercy. Without a second glance, he slit her wrists in front of me. The flowing blood combined with my thirst made it impossible to resist any longer and I leapt on her, draining her quickly until her pleas died on her lips. Even twenty years on, I joined in on the feast only when I absolutely had to, when I couldn't wait any longer. Usually two or three gatherings would pass without me joining everyone else to feed.

A knock on my bedroom door pulled me from my reverie. I should have known better than to get lost in my memories, because it always made the time pass faster. I knew the knock signalled that it was time for me to join the guard because Aro needed his shield again. I found myself dreading guard duty every time I was called up. I lived in constant worry that the next vampire on trial might be someone I loved. It could even be Edward. I thought about him more than any other and often wished I knew whether he was happy or not. Had he found another love? Had he moved on? The thought of him with anyone else ripped every fibre of my being to shreds but I couldn't be there for him anymore and I wanted him to be happy.

I arrived for guard duty promptly, with my dark gray cloak—coloured to symbolise my supposed importance— wrapped tightly around me and the hood pulled low over my face. It meant I didn't have to interact with those around me. I took my usual seat to the left of the 'brothers' away from everyone else. I was lucky because unlike Renata, I didn't need physical contact, so I didn't need to actually be in amongst the proceedings. I sat quietly, projecting my shield around the three Volturi brothers, as a number of different vampires were brought in from all over the world for various transgressions. Each time, I allowed myself to care just long enough to ensure it wasn't Edward or any of the Cullens, then I turned my head away and tried to ignore the hearings. I had seen enough horror and atrocity in my time with the Volturi to last me a hundred lifetimes.

I knew I could beg for death at any time, and a big part of me wanted to. The only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that by remaining alive—no matter how dead I felt inside—I was keeping Edward safe. If I died, there was nothing to stop the Volturi going after him. Despite the fact that so many years had passed, I knew they wouldn't hesitate in destroying what I loved after I was gone just to punish me.

I sat, day after day, paying just enough attention to the trials to keep my shield in place but constantly bored and troubled. Night after night, I lay in bed pining for the loved ones I had left behind. I wanted so badly to escape, but I knew the only way I could do that was to destroy the entire Volturi guard. Only then could I know my family would be safe, only then could I truly be free. I didn't have the strength or the ability to do that, so instead I lived an empty life; a shell of the person I once was.

~ 0 ~

One day and one phone; that was all it took to throw my world off kilter again. A knock on the door signalled the beginning of the change in my life. I started to prepare for guard duty as usual, but then the knock came again. That was the first indicator that something unusual was happening. In the whole twenty years I had lived with the Volturi, I had only ever received one knock on my door. If I didn't answer within five minutes, ready for guard duty, I was forcibly removed from my room and punished. But never had anyone knocked twice. I rushed over and answered the door in an agitated state.

I was surprised to see Donatella, the current human receptionist. "Bella, I have a phone call for you," she said politely.

I stared at her, my mouth gaping. In twenty years I had never received a single phone call.

Donatella smiled at me, a genuine smile. She was probably one of the nicer receptionists I had met here. Unfortunately, I knew that would be her downfall, and soon no doubt.

"Follow me," she chimed.

I followed her through to the reception. She pointed at the sophisticated phone. "Just press the flashing line to pick it up, and hang up the receiver when you're done."

I nodded to her and waited until she was far enough away to be out of earshot. I had no doubt that the call would be recorded, but I wanted as few people as possible to know about it. There was no doubt in my mind this was a pivotal event and I already suspected I knew who would be on the line.

_Alice_.

If I was right, I knew it would be bad news; that would be the _only_ reason she would risk a phone call.

"Hello?"

"He's coming."

I was right, it was Alice. I took her lead and didn't mention her name, how much I missed her, or how sorry I was for what I'd done. I also didn't need to ask who she was talking about. I knew Edward was coming here; I just didn't know the reason.

"Why?" I asked, trying to keep the horror out of my voice. Whether he was coming to confront me for hurting him, or because he wanted to take on the Volturi, didn't matter. What mattered was that he would be risking his life, and destroying everything I had tried to do for him and his family.

"We've just been lucky that he's stayed away until now. He wants to be free of the pain of past betrayals." Again, I noticed she specifically didn't mention her visions or anything to identify her family, but her words still cut me deeply. "He's wanted it for so long, but we've managed to keep him away."

I winced, but managed to restrain my sob, as I thought about Edward in pain for twenty years. I had known it was a possibility, but I'd hoped his family would have been able to help him find some way past it.

"When?" I asked.

She paused so I could work it out myself, I would just have to watch the lights on my map.

"Is there a chance?" I asked her.

She paused. "I don't know."

"It's going to be hard without any extra support." I knew that to even have a possibility of getting Edward out alive, I would have to turn on the Volturi. It meant either their death, or ours.

"I know." Her voice was tight. "We can only hope for safety in numbers." The line went dead.

I placed the receiver down and walked back to my room. I had no doubt that I would be questioned over the phone call, but I needed at least a few minutes alone to gather my thoughts.

I closed my eyes and concentrated. The brightest light on my map was definitely creeping closer. I was surprised I hadn't noticed the subtle changes earlier. It must have been because the other six points that usually surrounded him weren't far behind. I realised they must be on a flight after his, that must have been what Alice meant by her cryptic clues.

I spent a moment contemplating the horror of Edward coming to Volterra, but then a small, selfish part of me realised that his decision would mean I would _see_ him again. After twenty years of only imagining his face in my mind, of remembering the heart-break consuming it the last time I had seen him, my excitement of being close to him again, momentarily outweighed the terror of what would happen once he arrived.

~0~


	19. Ready

**Chapter 19: Ready**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

I estimated I only had about five hours before Edward would arrive in Italy. I knew, without a doubt, that I wouldn't be able to escape the fortress to find him, even trying to do so would end in tragedy.

I didn't know why he was coming. If he wanted to confront me, he would give himself away too quickly and I wouldn't be able to help him. Once he had arrived, and assuming he didn't turn on me, I wasn't sure how I would be able to stall the Volturi long enough for the rest of the Cullens to arrive. I didn't even know whether their arrival would be enough to swing things in Edward's favour, but I feared even his family wouldn't be enough to save him. There were at least four vampires to every member of the Cullen family, including me. I wished I had some key piece of information to save them all. I had twenty years of attendance at the Volturi trials, but I knew nothing. Too late, I was filled with regret over not spending more of my time paying attention to what was happening around me. Although I had always worried about the eventuality of one of the Cullens arriving in Volterra, it was only ever in the abstract, I'd never thought it would actually occur.

After stressing over things beyond my control for a little longer than I had planned, I breathed deeply and tried to push it out of my mind. I began getting dressed ready for duty. I wanted to ensure I was ready the instant the warning knock came. After I was dressed, I tried to calm myself. I needed to be composed before I came anywhere near the other guards. It had to seem like nothing was different, even though in reality everything was. I knew the Volturi watched and, because of the phone call I'd received, they would be extra attentive.

I knew none of the Volturi had ever actually met Edward, but they did know about him so I wasn't sure however whether they knew what he looked like. If he came in with his golden-brown eyes, they would easily guess he was a Cullen, and it would be easy for them to work out who he was from there. I had to prepare myself for the possibility that he would be recognised almost instantly. I also had to prepare myself to see him. I was excited and nervous just thinking about it. The last time we saw each other I had handed back my engagement ring and told him I didn't _love_ him. I couldn't falter now, when he was in grave danger. I would not let my reaction to his presence be his downfall.

Less than an hour passed before I received the knock on my door to signal my call for duty. I would be the last time I would be called because whatever the outcome of Edward's visit, I knew I would not be able to go on duty again. The thought almost made me smile, until I thought about one of the possible outcomes that would make it so. If Edward ended up dying—a thought too hideous for me to fully comprehend—I would ensure I followed closely behind. I had to trust that if we failed to stall for long enough for the rest of the Cullens to arrive, or if things weren't going to work in our favour, Alice would know and she would get everyone else out safely. It meant I didn't need to be concerned for anyone except Edward.

I smoothed my cloak and pulled the hood over my hair before walking alone through the corridors toward the throne room. I proceeded to walk to my usual spot when Aro shook his head slightly and indicated I should stand in front of him.

"Yes, Master?" I asked, glancing up at the three brothers.

"Bella, we believe you got a phone call today."

I nodded as I realised I was not on guard duty at the moment, I was on trial.

"Do you wish to disclose the details of that call?"

I shrugged. "It was nothing."

"Do not lie to us, Isabella," Caius rarely spoke so my eyes flicked over to him quickly when I heard his voice.

Aro quickly continued. "Your first phone call in twenty years and it was about nothing?"

I nodded.

"When you left who knew that you were coming here?"

"No one," I answered quickly and mostly truthfully. Even Alice, the only one who had known I would end up as a guard, hadn't known the reasons.

"So if no one knows you were coming here, how did anyone know to contact you here?" He smiled, thinking he had caught me in a lie.

I chuckled lightly. "Master, you know as well as I do that not everyone who arrives in Volterra is on trial. Some come for visits. Any one of those people would know about me. It is no secret that my masters have the best protection. Talents like mine are unique, rumours of them spread so easily, especially over so many years." I took the words he had spoken to me on my arrival in Volterra and twisted them to my own benefit.

"Tell me who called Bella." I could tell Aro was getting frustrated. He never had to question anyone at length before, usually he just had to touch and the trial was done.

"Jacob's daughter."

"Jacob?"

I needed to make my story believable, so I met his eye and lied quickly. "One of the wolves. He walked out on her mother just before I left, but he's coming back. She's scared of him, he caused her mother a lot of pain. She heard a rumour that I was here. She believes that his return was 'written in the stars' and that I would know something to help her. But I wasn't able to."

He frowned. "You were able to ascertain all of that from the brief conversation you had?"

I forced another soft chuckle out through my teeth. "I learned to speak in riddles when I knew Jacob, he was a man of very few words. His daughter seems very similar. I guess I never really lost the ability to understand their cryptic nature."

Aro looked me dead in the eye, no doubt to try to detect a lie, but if I could convince Edward that I no longer loved him I could convince Aro of anything.

"Why? Who did you think was calling me? One of the Cullens?" I laughed.

Aro continued to study my face closely. Presumably he found nothing amiss, because he pressed his hands together and laughed. "Of course not. After all, they didn't care enough to call you once since you decided to join us and not once have they tried to find you."

I nodded sadly, part of me finding truth in his words. As much as I tried to convince myself that the reason they hadn't tried to find me was because whenever any of them thought about it Alice saw their death, I couldn't be certain. I knew there was a distinct possibility that I had been such a destructive influence they were glad to have me out of their lives. I bowed my head. "Is that all, Master?"

He didn't answer me, just swept his hand to the side to indicate I should take my usual position. The next three hours were filled with various duties. I took my usual stance and pulled my hood further over my head, masking my eyes. I tried to seem as bored as usual, and was glad I no longer had a heartbeat to belie my lack of control. I put my shield up during the proceedings just to be on the safe side; not that it mattered, none of them could tell when they were protected by my shield, unless there was an attack.

I tried again to plan out the best way to achieve what I needed to, but there were still so many variables. I couldn't even be certain Edward coming was anything to do with me, except for the phone call from Alice. All I knew was that he had been in pain. I knew that was at least partly—if not completely—because of me. I tried not to think about the fact that his wounds wouldn't be easily healed. If he had come for death, would he be willing to leave without achieving his goal? I wanted to help him, but he couldn't be my primary concern. Not yet. I turned my thoughts toward the Volturi and the guard.

_Who are my biggest threats?_

Immediately, I thought of Aro, he would never allow me to go. I would have to get rid of him, or I wouldn't be able to leave.

I wasn't sure how good he was at fighting, but I figured you didn't end up in charge of the most powerful coven without knowing a thing or two. The only hope I had was that it had been so long since he'd had cause to use it that he wouldn't be as able-bodied as I was. Jane was second on my radar; she and Alec were the two who would be able to destroy my family most effectively, with little bloodshed on their part. They were threats that needed to be removed—that _I _needed to destroy. I wondered whether I had any allies. I'd heard whisperings in the halls of people growing tired of the way Aro did things, but I couldn't be certain whether any of them would risk their existence if it meant seeing the change they wanted.

I sat in quiet thought as the next vampire to be seen came in. I shot him a quick glance and felt sorry for the poor soul. His irises were blacker than coal, the whites surrounding them almost yellow and his dirty copper-brown hair hung limply around his ash-gray face. His body was thin; his frame seemed bent and broken somehow. The poor creature had lost all of the beauty that was inherent to vampires. I wondered for a brief second what horrors he had endured—I had seen vampires look better after a prologued session with Jane—but pushed him out of my mind. The simple matter was, it wasn't Edward, so I went back to planning my escape.

But then something in the back of my mind told me to look again and a slight jolt of electricity ran up my spine. I glanced back toward the creature. I looked closer, more intensely; I realised there was something very familiar about the shape of his face and the colour of his hair. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it at first, but with each second my certainty grew. I almost collapsed under the weight of the sorrow that hit me with the realisation that this was in fact Edward, and _I _was the horror that he had encountered. I may have saved him from death for twenty years, but he had suffered more than if he had died a thousand times over.

I shifted my weight slightly so I could watch everything better, but only out of my peripheral vision. I was glad for all the impromptu training Jasper and Emmett had given me so long ago, it prepared me for battle more than any training the Volturi had ever given me. I pulled my shield back from the Volturi and extended it out toward Edward. His shoulders seemed to lift slightly as soon as it hit him, as if part of him knew I was there. Then I dropped my shield down from my own mind for just long enough to help him understand.

_Pretend you can't hear me. _

I heard a catch in his breath which indicated he had heard my thoughts.

_I can't explain now, but your family is in danger. They are not far behind you._

From my position I could see Marcus clearly—he always stood in my line of sight—so I saw the look that passed over his face when he saw the connection between Edward and I.

_Damn_, I cursed to myself, _I should have considered Marcus_.

Marcus turned his head towards me. I begged him with my eyes and I pleaded with him mentally not to say anything and not to touch Aro until this was over. He seemed to understand what was about to happen and nodded his head almost imperceptibly .

I closed my eyes for a split second in a silent thank you. Then I turned back to Edward, I saw him staring at Marcus with his mouth agape. I lowered the shield from my own mind again.

_I can shield you from Aro so that he doesn't know who you are. Lie about what you want. We need to stall; then we need to get you out of here._

He seemed to shake his head slightly. I just couldn't be certain whether he was disagreeing with what I wanted or trying to clear his thoughts.

_Please, Edward!_ I pleaded.

His eyes closed but I could still see he was in pain. I wondered whether my pleading reminded him of the night before I left him. I didn't want to have to tell him too much before I could speak to him properly and explain everything in detail, but he wasn't leaving me much choice. I decided to risk it. If he knew the truth, maybe it would change his mind.

_Edward, I love you, with all of my heart. I never stopped loving you. The Volturi came to me the day your family arrived in Portland. They were going to kill us both. I had to do what I could to save you._

Edward broke at my words. He fell to the floor with violent, tearless sobs wracking his chest. Aro walked over to him, with Renata trailing closely behind. As usual, I remained where I was. I couldn't risk doing anything differently yet, although my shield skirted around Aro to cover Edward instead, which was a little out of the ordinary.

Aro laid one hand on Edward's shoulder. "What is it you have come for son?"

Edward raised his eyes and I felt them rest on me for a split second.

"I have come for refuge," he replied.

I held in the sigh of relief that threatened to escape. It seemed like Edward was going to play along, at least for now.

"Refuge from what?"

"Someone whom I'd thought was my mate used me and broke my heart many years ago, and since then my family have been keeping me prisoner. I have come to seek refuge and a new way of life."

I felt my heart break, if it were possible for it to break again. Maybe he wasn't playing along after all? Maybe he _wanted_ to join the guard? I longed to know what he was thinking,, wishing the communication between us could be two-way.

"What is your name?"

"Thomas."

_Thank you,_ I thought. His eyes flicked to me instinctively, but I didn't think Aro caught it.

"Well, Thomas, do you have any special _talents_ that might make you useful here?"

_You're a shield._

"I'm a shield."

"I see." Aro's voice was cold. "What sort of shield?"

_A mental shield, but you can't project it out._

"A mental shield."

Aro cocked his head to the side and shot me a strange gaze. He caught me staring, but I hoped it wouldn't be seen as anything out of the ordinary. Surely it would be natural for any vampire to be interested if they'd heard someone else had the same talent.

"Can you project it around others?" Aro asked, turning back away from me.

Edward shook his head. "Just myself."

Aro reached his hand out to help Edward from the ground. I recognised the look of frustration on his face as the one he had given me, when first he touched my hand. I thought I saw something flicker in Edward's eyes, amusement maybe? It made his face seem less dead.

I thought I knew what would happen next; Jane would be called forward to see if her powers would work on Edward, which they wouldn't because he was securely under my shield. But instead, Aro did something I didn't expect. He called Alec forward, which was trouble. Alec's power was as formidable as Jane's, but Aro didn't use it much for testing because it was slow and creeping. I wasn't concerned about the power itself, Alec had no affect on me either, what worried me was the visual mist that accompanied his talent.

When we'd first tested his ability against mine, the mist had clearly revealed the edges of my shield. By selecting Alec now, Aro was showing his hand—he didn't trust me. Worse, he knew, or at least suspected, who was standing in front of him.

It was as bad as it could get. If Edward wasn't facing a death sentence before, he would be now. Lying to the Volturi resulted in instant death.

I closed my eyes and pictured my map, the rest of them were probably only half hour away. I braced myself for a fight as the mist Alec was sending out started to creep closer to the place where Edward stood.

~0~


	20. Drawing lines

**Chapter 20: Drawing lines**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

The creeping mist that Alec was sending in Edward's direction seemed to travel fast and slow at the same time. As it inched closer to betraying my secret, I pleaded silently for it to slow down, but the anticipation also seemed to stretch out forever. It was still a few inches away from Edward when Marcus cast a quick glance in my direction and stood. "Aro, why are you wasting our time with this experiment? Clearly the boy astounds your talent, and he has stated himself that he can't project it."

I couldn't hide my relief at his attempts to stop the test. It wasn't until I looked back over at Aro, who was staring at him in disbelief, that I knew it wasn't going to work.

"Marcus, sometimes people with such extraordinary talents don't realise their full potential." He inclined his head in my direction, whether it was a sign that he was talking about me, or that he was silently trying to make Marcus understand he was not testing Edward, he was testing me, or perhaps both of us.

Edward pulled himself up slightly so he was kneeling. "I have tried many times, but I can't. It doesn't exist outside my body at all."

I noticed Aro had stepped away from Edward and was no longer within touching distance. In that instant, I decided to do something potentially dangerous, but which had the potential to stall Aro for a little while longer. I pulled my shield down from my own mind again.

_I'm sorry. I have to do this. I'll shield you again as soon as I can._

I dropped my shield from Edward and secured it around Aro, Marcus and Caius just as the mist hit. Edward's eyes rolled backwards into his head as all of his senses were cut off. The mist swirled harmlessly around my shield, showing it to be exactly where it should be. Aro looked shocked, but signalled to Alec to stop. Almost instantly, the mist disappeared. As soon as it had, I pulled my shield off Aro and Caius and snaked it around to cover Edward. I left Marcus protected by it because he had shown himself to be an ally.

Aro grinned at the fact that Edward had not been immune to Alec's talents. "Jane?" He signalled.

Jane stepped forward and smiled at Edward. He glared back at her from his position kneeling on the ground, unaffected by her talent. Aro's eyebrows laced together in frustration. "But how is that possible? No one has ever been immune to Jane's talent but not Alec's."

Caius walked over to him and held out his hand. They were both unprotected, so nothing happened to suggest anything was amiss. I just hoped Aro wouldn't want to garner an opinion from Marcus the same way because I couldn't risk un-shielding him and giving Aro confirmation of what he no doubt suspected.

"True," Aro mused. "We do only know one other, and each talent manifests slightly differently."

I turned the words over in my head a couple of times but could only draw one conclusion. Caius believed what Edward was saying. Hope sprung up within me, but I couldn't allow myself to get too far ahead.

"Perhaps only his mind is secret after all. Whereas the other has a presence she can send out to cover others." I noticed Aro refrained from using my name, either he still suspected that it was Edward or he didn't want to give out any secrets. I had warned him only a little while earlier how easily rumours were spread. I was just glad he wasn't watching Edward as closely as I was, or he would have noticed Edward's eyes flick to me when my ability was mentioned.

Aro turned back to Edward, staring at him coldly for a few minutes before returning to his throne and sitting with a flourish. He waved his hand dismissively. "Well, if that's the case, we have no use for you. I am afraid we can't offer you refuge if you have nothing to give us in return. You may leave."

I was ready to drop my shield and silently scream at Edward to run while he had the chance, but then I remembered what Marcus had noticed. There would be no way he could hide that from Aro who could see every thought. If Aro found out at some later stage that Edward had been our secret visitor, if he saw the connection through Marcus' eyes, my promises to stay to save Edward would mean nothing. It meant there was only one way to ensure I kept Edward safe. I closed my eyes, urgently trying to see how far away his family was. They were close, but I wasn't sure if it would be close enough.

Just as I opened my eyes, I saw Demetri—a tracker with the unique ability to sense minds, except mine—walk over to Aro and hold out his hand. I remained staring at Marcus, but my breathing spiked a little as I watched them in my periphery. Aro's eyes flashed over to me and narrowed slightly. I knew at once what he was being shown and kicked myself for being so stupid. Demetri had detected Edward's mind when he entered the room, noticed it disappear as I shielded him, only to reappear just before Alec's attack. He would have sensed it disappear again straight after.

Aro was no longer fooled, if he ever had ever been. He knew it was Edward in front of him, and he knew I was shielding him. Edward's eyes shot up to Aro instinctively, as if his name had been called. Edward stood and quickly took a step away, inadvertently putting himself further away from me, and allowing Jane to slide in between us. I tried to twist my shield around her, but it was too late. She was under my shield and smiling angelically at Edward. His screams echoed around the throne room. Once upon a time, he may have been strong enough to encounter her silently, but I had hurt him too much already and he couldn't endure any more.

For the first time since my encounter with Victoria, I saw red. I wanted revenge. Each of Edward's screams struck me like daggers and I wanted revenge _for_ him. I threw myself at Jane with enough force to knock her off balance and smashed her angelic face into the marble below us. Then I pulled back my shield and silently urged Edward to stand.

_Edward, get up. I can't protect you unless… _

Jane stabbed at me with her gift during the precious few seconds I had my shield down. The agony was immediate and absolute before my shield raised up automatically to protect my mind. I glared at Jane and she stood staring at me with her mouth agape. As far as she knew, she had never been able to pierce through my shield before but it was clear she was aware she just had. I knew she was trying to figure out what she had done differently; not knowing I had made myself vulnerable.

Edward tried to pull himself to his feet but fell back to the ground sobbing from the last round of torture. My heart wrenched in my chest as I heard him struggle. I raced over to him before pulling him upright and holding him to me. Marcus quickly stood behind me, supporting the two of us. I covered them both with my shield, pulling it tight around the sides so there was no chance of anyone else slipping underneath. I pushed Marcus in the direction of the only exit and started making my own way there. I knew it was only surprise and shock that held the other guard members in place and that could wear off at any instant.

The three of us were halfway across the room before the rest of the guard began to realise what was happening; that the battle-lines had been drawn between the old way of doing things and a new, unknown way. Surprisingly, the quickest ones to reach me turned and faced the others. They were supporting us. I knew if it had just been Edward and I, we would have been killed instantly, but these vampires were loyal to Marcus. I was cautious about extending my shield around them because that would leave us open to any mental attacks. As I pulled Edward closer to the exit, I assessed each vampire in turn.

Felix stood with me, his strength was his talent so I knew it would be just as safe shielding him as not. I didn't know the talents of the other two. I cursed myself again for not paying more attention during the past twenty years. I decided that a show of faith would be more beneficial than suspicion, at least for the moment. They were all on the outside edge of the ring surrounding me. I knew if I saw the slightest hint of betrayal, I could pull my shield back almost instantly.

Aro, Caius, Demetri, Jane and Alec stood across the room from us, glaring at Marcus and the other vampires who were now standing guard around us. No matter what else happened, those five had to die otherwise we would never have peace. I noticed they all had contact with one another and Renata was behind them pulling faces because of the effort she was exerting to keep them all covered. I saw the clever strategy for what it was immediately; no one could reach them without being under my shield. But if anyone did go to attack them under my shield, there was a risk that Jane could slide between us, leaving everyone who I was protecting vulnerable to attack.

When we reached the entryway, I pushed Edward into the corridor. I took a moment to pull off the horrid hooded cloak that had been a symbol of my obedience and status. Whatever else happened, I would no longer be loyal to the Volturi. I turned to Marcus. "Guard him, please. I…I can't lose him again."

Marcus nodded. "What they did to you always bothered me. More now than ever. I have seen the connection between you." Some sadness existed behind his eyes, but now was not the time to question him for it.

I turned back towards Aro and fell into a crouch. "You!" I hissed at him.

"Isabella," he laughed. "Come back to my side. I have been nothing but accommodating to you. Remember, you broke the law."

I sank deeper into my crouch, twenty years of pain and lost time coursed through my body and I grew angry. I did what I should have done from the beginning; I fought back. Not just for Edward but also for me.

"The wolves exist to do nothing more than protect their family. I will _not_ apologise for being friends with them."

Aro scoffed. "They are filthy mutts who endanger us and our way of life."

A low snarl ripped through the chamber. I turned to see four wolves stalking through the doors. The vampires nearest the entry stepped back away in horror.

A russet-brown wolf led the pack. He stopped in front of me and gazed at me knowingly. I extended my shield a little further to cover him, knowing it was Jacob. I was shocked when the rest of the wolves were suddenly under my shield as soon as he was. I realised what it meant at once, but wasn't sure how I could communicate my newly formed plan to Jacob without Aro becoming aware. I walked over to the wolf's side, grabbed a handful of fur in my hand and pulled his ear right onto my mouth. I hissed at him, not even daring to do anything more than push my breath out in the right shape for the words.

"I need you to stay here and send the others to fight."

Jacob shook his head to disagree.

"The one at the back is protecting them. No one can take her out without risking everyone." I silently urged him to understand.

_Edward, I can protect all of the wolves as long as Jacob stays under my shield. Does he understand what I need? _

Edward's voice broke the tense silence. He spoke with no care for regulating the volume. "The request, but not the reason."

I nodded. "Follow the request. I will explain the reason later." I hissed at Jacob. _If there is a later,_ I thought to myself.

Edward spoke again, laughing and sounding a little hysterical. "They're here."

The rest of the Cullens came charging in the door, turning the numbers in the room absolutely in our favour—I hadn't counted on a good portion of the guard being on our side. I used the distraction of their entrance to my advantage. "Now, Jake," I shouted. "Do it now."

The other three wolves all charged at the same time. Jane and Alec smiled to each other, stepping aside to allow the wolves to run past for Renata. I knew they planned to step into my shield and inflict their damage on our little group. Jane's smile faded as her attack did nothing. She looked behind her and saw she was standing directly between the wolf and me. She stepped to the left and right before trying again. Two of the wolves were charging through the middle of the group of vampires to give the third a free shot at the shield at the back. Renata screamed as soon as she saw the wolf barrelling down on her. She had never bothered to train for battle, being so secure in her own shield. She didn't even last one minute against the skilled sandy-grey wolf.

I used the distraction to step closer to the Cullens. Emmett met my eye and shot me a grin.

Jasper pushed Alice behind him. "Check on Edward," he whispered to her.

She nodded and ran over to kneel next to Edward. Esme flung herself down beside the two of them and stroked his head tenderly. I wished I could sit with him too, but there were a few more deadly things I needed to take care of first. I tried to ensure I protected as many people as I could from Jane and Alec, but the room had descended into chaos. Everyone on our side threw themselves across the room, aiming primarily for Demetri, Caius, Aro, Jane and Alec. Once those five had fallen, there would be no one for the other half to be loyal to.

As the minutes past, I could feel the confusion growing in the room as old allies attacked one another and no-one could be sure who was fighting for whom anymore. I worried most that one of the wolves would be accidentally attacked by someone on our side, or vice versa.

"Jacob, get the pack out of here."

He snarled his disapproval at me.

I turned to meet his eye. "Please, Jake. Go start a fire and above everything else protect Edward. _Please_."

I turned away before he could argue again. I scanned the room quickly, catching sight of Jane's delicate features in the press of bodies. I could no longer maintain my shield in the confusion because I couldn't be sure who to shield anymore. That meant Jane was dangerous and I was unable to protect anyone from her, unless I took her out. I charged for her, grabbing hold her hair and yanking her to the ground. Her fist flew up immediately and connected with my cheekbone. She twisted herself around me and pinned me down with a strength I would never have guessed from her size. She placed her hands around my throat and started to apply pressure. I raked my fingers along her arms, trying to get a purchase. She had the advantage over me because I hadn't fed in over a month, whereas she never missed a feast.

"Now…" she murmured. "How exactly did I do that before?" She pressed her face right into mine, applying more pressure with her hands and smiling.

I felt the damage her hands were beginning to cause to my neck, it wasn't as if I was choking, but the force made it feel as though my head would rip loose at any second.

I struggled desperately against her, but to no avail. The sights and sounds around me seemed to come through a tunnel. Nearby, I heard someone cry. " Bella! No!"

I saw a blur and heard the sound of boulders colliding, and suddenly Jane was gone, so was the feeling of tunnel vision. I followed the direction of the blur, and saw her and Edward rolling across the floor, each battling to gain the upper hand.

Suddenly, Edward screamed and went limp in her arms. I extended my shield around him as best I could, but she was holding him too tightly. I couldn't get it around him without letting her under as well. I ran over to her and grabbed her jaw roughly. I twisted and pulled with all my strength, managing to get my teeth into the back of her neck while I continued to yank on her jaw. With a horrific tearing sound, her body fell limp on top of Edward who instantly stopped screaming. I clasped the small head to me like a trophy and set out in immediate search of the fire I knew was going nearby. I threw the head into the high flames, readily relinquishing hold of my prize. Edward followed behind me, tossing her body into the blaze.

I glanced around the room, I couldn't believe my luck when it turned out our side hadn't suffered any major casualties. A few were rubbing wounds or nursing lost limbs, but we were all intact, while Aro and the rest were gone. I was about to thank those who had fought on our side, when I felt teeth sink deep into my arm.

I grabbed the hair of my attacker, trying to shake them off through my pain. Whoever it was had sunk their teeth in, and was refusing to give up. I continued to pull their hair until Edward and Emmett stepped in and attacked my assailant, until he gave up his hold. As the two of them ripped him to pieces, I realised it was one of the vampires I didn't recognise earlier, one who I had protected. Obviously, he had been on Aro's side all along, but had been biding his time pretending to be on our side. I glanced at the fresh gash in my arm, it hurt but I would live. I knew from experience the venom would leave a scar, but it wouldn't be noticeable to a human eye. I would take a thousand scars over losing any member of my family.

It hit me suddenly that they weren't really my family anymore. Not unless Edward wanted me back, but I couldn't see how he could after what I'd done to him. I noticed the room was emptying, and the Cullens were already gone. I sank to the floor, my twenty year sentence finally catching up with me. Arms wrapped tightly around me, comforting me, but it wasn't who I wanted. The smell was wrong, and when I looked up, the face staring back at me wasn't the face I wanted to see.

"Bella. Thank you for helping me realise how wrong this place had become," Marcus whispered to me.

I nodded vaguely. I couldn't believe the Cullens had gone without even saying goodbye. I knew I hurt them as much as I'd hurt Edward when I left, but I'd thought they might at least wait to hear my side of the story.

"You are free to go when you wish, my child. But know that you are welcome here. Always."

I nodded again and stood, knowing I would never come back. It didn't matter how much this place changed or what happened next for me personally. This fortress would always be a reminder to me of what the Volturi had cost me and Edward.

I walked blindly through the corridors, vaguely aware that I was heading to my room.

My door was open and I stopped instantly when I was near it.

I had a visitor on my bed.

~0~


	21. Discussion and Decisions

**Chapter 21: Discussion and Decisions.**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

"Alright, Bells," said Jacob, patting the space beside him on the bed, indicating that I should sit. I complied before wrapping my arms around him briefly. He smiled and returned the gesture. "Now, why did I have to stay out of the fight?"

"I'm a shield."

"You're a what?" he asked skeptically.

I tried to figure out the best way to explain it to him. "There are two parts to it. Firstly, I can put out a cloak-like shield to prevent people from falling victim to mental attacks, but I have another part which is like an almost permanent shield around my own mind, which does the same thing."

He caught on straight away. "So that's why Edward couldn't read your thoughts," he murmured.

I stared at him, confused. "How did you know that?"

"Bells, I was there when you left remember."

I winced at the mention of my decision.

"I heard him sobbing to Esme after you'd gone. I can't remember ever hearing anyone so upset. He said he'd truly thought the two of you had put everything behind you and would be together forever. He never suspected that you didn't really love him because he couldn't hear what you were thinking."

"It's why I knew he'd believe me when I lied to him." I whispered.

Twenty years of regret weighed down on me heavily, I thought about the broken Edward I had witnessed earlier. "He really suffered didn't he?"

Jacob nodded. "As much as you did when he left you; maybe even more. At least you only suffered with the heartbreak for less than a month. He's endured it for twenty years."

"I wish there was some other way I could have done it, but I couldn't see one. I had to leave, and I had to make sure he wouldn't follow me." I dropped my head. "The only way I could do that was to make him think I didn't love him."

Jacob patted my leg tenderly. "That might be the case, Bells, but that choice had consequences. I wish there was some way I could help you fix it, but I don't know how."

I could tell Jacob was uncomfortable with the discussion, and that he wouldn't be very helpful in the long run anyway, so I decided to change the topic. I tried to put false cheer in my voice. "So you're still a wolf then?"

He rolled his eyes at me.

I stared back at him. "Why?"

He shrugged. "I've never seen any reason to stop. We've had the occasional _bl_...vampire crossing onto our land. But anyway, you were telling me about your shield and why I couldn't take on those monsters myself."

I grinned a little at his annoyance. "Sorry. The thing is, I can tell when people are under my shield by these tiny points of light when I concentrate. The same way that I can see where my loved ones are, they're linked somehow."

He nodded and motioned with his hands to indicate I should get to the point.

"Well, I noticed all the wolves were shielded as soon as you were. If anyone under my shield had tried the same attack, Jane, the small vampire who smiled a lot, would have been able to get under my shield."

"So?"

"Well, she has—had—one of the worst mental attacks I've encountered. She inflicts pain with her thoughts. My shield is basically one-way glass, if she was under it…"

"Everyone's vulnerable."

"Exactly."

He was thoughtful for a while. "So where to for you now?"

"I don't know…I think that depends."

I expected him to ask what it depended on but instead he nodded and patted my knee once again. "Well, I've gotta get back to La Push. Some of the pack are desperate to get home."

I nodded, reaching out for his arm just before he left. "Jacob, don't you care about my diet while I was here?"

He grimaced slightly before fixing his smile back in place. "Bells, I know how much effort you put in back home. If you return to that diet now, I will choose to ignore what happened within these walls."

"And if I don't?"

He raised his eyebrow at me before flicking me a more genuine smile and walking out of the door, reaching back to close it behind him as he went.

I stayed seated on the bed staring at the closed door trying to decide whether to try to find the Cullens or not. I had to hope they would listen to me so I could explain the truth, even if they could never forgive me.

I had finally decided to leave to find Edward, and talk to him whatever the cost, when there was a knock. I opened the door and sighed with relief when I saw all of the Cullens—at least, all except for the one I really wanted to see. Alice grabbed hold of me and held me tightly.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I murmured to her as she clutched me.

"You should've told me, I just…" I felt her hold me tighter. "I thought you wanted to join them for their power…I never saw…I didn't realise."

"I know. I'm so sorry."

She held me for a moment longer before letting go. Then I was passed from person to person, each one expressing their thanks for saving Edward when he had come here hell-bent on death. The way they spoke, it was as if they all believed the lie. They thought I didn't love Edward anymore, and that I had only saved him out of loyalty or something.

Knowing that Edward had been in pain for twenty years, and thought that I didn't love him, was horrendous, but knowing that his family, his loved ones, believed the same and constantly tried to protect him from himself was so much worse. No wonder he was so broken; and I had done that to him. It had been my decisions that had separated us. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't completely blame the Volturi, after all they never told me to break Edward's heart, just that if I went alone he wouldn't be harmed. I knew that if I'd left with Edward knowing the truth, he would have followed me to the ends of the earth.

_He would have died._

I began to swim in a sea of regret, knowing without doubt as I took in the love and support of those around me that maybe there was another option. Maybe I could have found a way through, if I had trusted everyone more.

I sunk back down to the bed, horrified that all the pain I'd caused might have been avoidable. I was in shock as everyone gathered around to thank me again. I couldn't do anything but nod in response. I tried desperately to find my voice, but it seemed to have deserted me. It was broken and cracked when I croaked, "Can I speak to Alice alone please?"

They all looked shocked, but Alice just nodded at them. I received a final hug off each one as they left the room. I fell back onto the bed after the last one left. Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me into a seated position. Then she wrapped her arms securely around me again.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I couldn't tell them the truth."

"You knew the truth?" I asked. "When did you find out?"

"After you arrived here, I had a vision of what life was really like for you. Before then, all I had seen was images of you standing with the Volturi guard."

"Why didn't you tell, Edward?" I asked.

"I wanted to…but it was for the best that he didn't know. We got extremely lucky today, it could have gone differently. It would have if the circumstances hadn't been so perfect."

I nodded. "Why didn't you tell everyone else?"

"It would have got back to Edward. It was hard enough for _me_ to try to keep it from him. You know what Esme's like, she would have said anything to stop him hurting. In fact, she did. It was only that he could read the pity in her mind that he didn't listen when she tried to convince him you still loved him."

I nodded. "I've made such a mess of things. I've had a piece of myself missing for twenty years. In all that time, I've yearned for nothing more than Edward. He was the reason I chose this life, and then I had to leave him. I just wish there was some other way I could have left. Something more I could have done to avoid his pain."

"Me too, but there wasn't."

I shook my head, I didn't believe her.

"Bella, if there was any way possible to have saved my brother, and my best friend, from twenty years of agony, don't you think I would have done it?" Her eyes echoed the sadness I felt.

"Tell me it will be alright, Alice."

Her voice broke when she replied. "I can't."

"Alice," I sobbed. "Please?"

"Bella, I wish I could. You know more than anything that I want to. I wish things could go back to the way they were, but maybe they can't. I just don't know."

I raised my head. I found hope in Alice's uncertainty. "You don't know?"

She shook her head. "Ever since we won, the future keeps spinning rapidly between two outcomes. Either the two of you will move past this, or you won't."

I went to chuckle and sob at the same time, resulting in a painful hiccough. "I could've figured _that_ out without your help."

She smiled sadly. "I know. I think the problem is that neither of you know what you really want yet."

I knew what I wanted. I wanted Edward to forgive me. I wanted to somehow get us back to where we'd been. "What do you mean by that?"

She looked away, trying to decide whether to say something. "In one of my visions, you're the one who throws him out."

I shook my head. "No…never."

Alice just shrugged and gave me a 'don't bet against me' look.

Eventually, I asked the question I had been desperate to ask. "Where is he?"

"He was trying to decide whether to come and see you," she admitted.

I bit my lip to stop myself from crying again.

"Carlisle and Esme have taken him to hunt now. I'll let him know that you want to see him. If you wait here, I'll try to convince him to come."

I nodded and then said goodbye, hoping I had an ally in Alice at least.

~ 0 ~

I waited in my room for hours after Alice left. Each minute ticking by hurt me physically. It was one more minute in which to convince myself that Edward wasn't going to come to see me. I was desperate to get out of Volterra, but wasn't willing to go anywhere until I knew for certain what was happening between us. I knew that even if he did finally turn up to see me, it wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation. But I also knew I needed it to happen. I couldn't leave and live forever wondering whether I could have done something more to get him back. I loved him; I wasn't willing to give that up without a fight. I just had to hope that he would find it in his heart to forgive me.

A knock on my door sent my nerves racing. Almost as if I could see through the wood, I knew who it was. If my heart was still beating, it would have been hammering against my chest. I pulled the door open and slumped against the frame.

I took a brief second to take in Edward's appearance; noting that he was almost back to normal. His skin was more ivory than grey, and was even slightly flushed because of the fresh blood he had consumed. He had showered and his hair was styled back in its usual uncontrollable mess. The most remarkable difference though were his eyes; gone were the hollow sunken pools of black, replaced with the honey-gold that I was used to staring into. There was still a little something—a spark of life maybe—missing but he was almost back to who he used to be. He still took my breath away. I swept my hand to the side to indicate he should enter and pushed the door shut behind him.

He sat at the end of the bed and looked up at me. "Hi."

I sat at the other end of the bed, trying to let him know I would respect his decision if he needed space, and turned toward him. "Hi."

He laughed nervously. The sound was wrong, not at all like his old laugh, but it was still one of the most glorious sounds I'd heard in twenty years.

"Edward…" I didn't know how I was going to finish that sentence.

He nodded.

I cast my eyes downward. "I'm so sorry."

I thought about the way he would guide my face toward his with a finger beneath my chin whenever I turned away from him. Usually he would have done it by this stage, but he hadn't and I knew he wouldn't. He sat steadfastly on his end of the bed.

A minute passed in awkward silence.

"For what?" he asked finally, barely louder than a whisper. I could hear the control he was trying, and failing, to exercise over his voice.

"For everything." I yearned to close the distance between us, both physically and metaphorically, but he had to be the first one to move, not because of any power game I wanted to exert—if he wanted me to I'd have crawled to him on all fours for forgiveness—but I had to know he wanted me, that he had forgiven me, before I could take the risk of physical contact.

He waited for more.

"Take your pick," I murmured finally. "For what I told you when I left. For what we did before I went. For doing what I did to you. For hurting you."

"Bella," his control broke completely when he said my name and it took a second before he could continue. "Do you have _any_ idea what has been going through my mind for the last twenty years?"

I shook my head. I could imagine, but I wanted him to tell me. I wanted to know how bad it had been. I wanted to know and understand and use that knowledge to get us both back to where we needed to be. To where we should have been. To _how_ we should have been.

"I've been wondering what I did to make you stop loving me." He looked away. I longed for him to turn back toward me. He continued, talking to the far wall. "I have been playing every event of those last few days over in my head again and again. I have analysed every word, every action over and over. I just couldn't understand. Did you run away the first time because you didn't love me? Did I say something or do something to make you love me less? Did…what we did together change the way you felt about me?"

My voice had gone again. "I know. I'm sorry."

"If you really did still...feel that way about me," I noticed he didn't use the word love. "Why didn't you tell me about the Volturi? We could have come up with a plan, _together_." He finally turned back to look at me.

I shook my head and tried to control the sobs that threatened to break free. "I couldn't… I couldn't risk your life because of Jacob."

"Jacob?"

"That's why they came after me. It was my friendship with the wolves. They wanted to kill you too, for saving Jake's life."

Edward growled.

"That's what they offered me Edward;, my life or yours."

He shook his head disbelievingly.

"I know it's hard to believe, but I did it for you; to save you."

Edward laughed once, a hard, dark chuckle completely devoid of mirth. "That sounds familiar."

I looked into his eyes and found a tiny beacon of hope. His hand stretched out involuntarily along the bed toward me. Ever so slowly, almost as if I was offering my hand to a wild animal, I reached my fingers out, covering half the distance. But then his hand stopped moving.

"When did they come?" he asked.

"They arrived just after your family."

His eyes widened in shock. He seemed to struggle for breath for a minute. "So you knew before…"

I knew what he was talking about, whether I knew before I'd seduced him. I nodded, shame burning through me at the way I had used him. If he'd known what was going to happen the next morning, he never would have agreed to our one perfect evening.

"How could you, Bella?" I couldn't tell whether hurt or anger was the dominant emotion in his voice.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, drawing my hand back toward my body. I had reached out for the flame, and it had burned me. "I thought that I was heading to my death. I thought I'd never see you again. I couldn't die without experiencing _that_ at least once."

He turned away and spoke so softly I almost missed what he said, "So it...meant nothing. I was just _convenient_?"

I longed to touch his shoulder, to turn him back around to face me, but I couldn't. My lip quivered as my sobs threatened to overtake me again. "No, it wasn't like that! I couldn't die without experiencing that love _with you_."

He ignored me. If anything, his body turned even further away from me. I crumbled a little, wondering whether I would have to accept that I had hurt him too much and he wouldn't ever forgive me. But I wasn't willing to give up without at least a little more of a fight. I thought about what Alice had said about Esme, about how it had only been that Edward had seen the 'truth' in her mind that he'd refused to believe the 'lies'. I pulled my shield away from my mind, allowing all my emotions to rise to the surface. I went through all the memories I had of Edward, of the hours I had laid watching his light and how I felt through all of it.

_I love you, Edward. I have never stopped loving you, not even for one second._

I saw him stiffen the instant my shield was down. He sat still while my emotions filtered over him. He slowly turned back towards me, his expression unreadable. Slowly he started to shake his head and then he stood. "I just…I don't think I can go back to that, Bella."

I reached out for him with my hand, grabbing hold of his shirt as if trying to cling to him and keep him with me. "I'm sorry."

He touched his fingers gently to my hand. An electric current seemed to pass between us and I looked up into his eyes. He was staring back at me. I pulled myself upright. We were inches apart. I longed to close that distance between our lips. It felt like the electric current was jumping between our bodies.

He pried my fingers from his shirt, before loosening his grip on my hand, dropping it and turning away. "Me too," he whispered as he started toward the door.

"Wait," I begged.

He looked back at me, his eyes now cold and indifferent.

"Don't you believe me when I say I love you?"

"You haven't _said_ it."

"Is that what you're waiting for?" I yelled. "I love you, Edward Cullen!" I fell to my knees in front of him and couldn't control my agony anymore. "_I love you_," I sobbed.

He shook his head slowly. "That's not what I am waiting for. I don't know what it is. It's like I can see you begging and I can hear what you're saying but even though they are the words I have been longing to hear for so long, I just don't care anymore. I can't and I don't know why."

I fell forward onto the floor. I didn't cry anymore, I was so far beyond sobs. I thought for a moment that his words might have felled me, but then realised that the dead don't have to endure so much agony. Edward's words were a far more effective torture than even Jane could ever imagine.

_Jane..._ I reached out for him again. "But... but... you saved me."

Edward looked at me. "What are you talking about?"

"Jane. You saved me from her. You must still feel _something_ for me."

"To be honest, I don't know how I feel. Part of me wants to feel something, but it's like every time I begin to hope that what you are saying is true, the part of me that has dealt with the pain for the last twenty years shuts it down."

My pain began to give way to my anger. He didn't seem to notice or care about the pain he was causing me. It was so unlike _my_ Edward, who would have done anything just to make sure I wasn't hurting. I took a deep breath, pushed the pain deep inside me and embraced the anger. I stood shakily.

"Fine," I stated, a new-found calm radiating through my voice.

He seemed confused with my sudden change of demeanour. "Fine?"

"Fine, if you are willing to throw away our second chance at forever, then leave." I managed to hold my voice steady throughout the statement. I could break down after he'd gone.

"Bella?" he asked, taking a step toward me.

"I said go!" I screamed at him, pushing him out the door and slamming it shut in his face.

As soon as the door was closed, I leaned against it, supporting myself and trying to catch my breath, even though I knew I didn't need it. I couldn't believe what I had just done.

I had thrown Edward out.

~0~


	22. What kind of forever

**Chapter 22: What kind of Forever**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the door as the consequences of what I had just done began to sink in. I had longed for Edward night after night for twenty years, and just when we had a chance to be together again, I had thrown him out. It shouldn't have mattered that he was uncaring toward me. I should have expected it after everything he'd endured—everything that I had put him through. Without really thinking about it, I began to search for Edward's familiar beacon. I focused on the area immediately surrounding me, and all I could see was light. It was like staring at the sun.

I turned around and placed my hand on the door before taking a deep breath to steady myself. I needed to chase after Edward and make him listen to me. I needed to apologise again and again for the heartache he had endured at my hand. I needed to plead my case and try to make him understand. If, after all my justifications and explanations, he still didn't care, then I would have to find some way to cope, however impossible it seemed. After a brief pause to calm myself, I yanked the door open, meaning to charge out into the hall determined to find him.

Edward was standing at the door, his hand raised as if to knock.

He looked surprised for a moment, but then he spoke. "I'm sorry for being rude, Bella." His voice rang slightly with desperation, as if he needed me to believe his apology.

I nodded, knowing that I was the one who needed to apologise.

"Edward, I…"

"Bella, I…"

We both started talking at the same time, and then trailed off.

"You first," I murmured, happy to yield to him if it meant his forgiveness.

"I just wanted…" He looked into my eyes and tugged roughly at his hair. "What I said was hurtful, and I'm sorry. You kicked me out, so easily, and it made me realise…" I braced myself for the worst. "Well, it made me realise that I don't like being kicked out,_ by_ _you_."

I smiled knowingly.

"It also made me see that an eternity is a very long time to spend without you." He lifted his hand and slowly traced my cheek with his finger, before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

The feel of his skin caressing mine in such a loving, tender way after so long was like a soothing balm. He seemed to feel it too because as he pulled his hand back he rubbed small circles with his thumb and index finger while appearing deep in thought.

Slowly, he stepped closer to me, causing my stomach to twist nervously with anticipation. I barely dared to breathe, not knowing what he was planning to do, but not wanting to stop him either. His hands cupped my face gently, tenderly before he tipped my face upward to align with his. His lips parted and his tongue quickly traced their breadth, making them slick and moist. My breathing accelerated as I watched his mouth closely. Then his mouth was on mine and I stopped breathing entirely. In fact, I stopped any function that took my focus away from the kiss.

For a quiet moment nothing else existed but his lips on mine, his heart and mine. Then twenty years of suppressed passion, twenty years of denied love, exploded to the surface. His arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me close to him. His lips moved more urgently against me. I was overwhelmed with love and desire and pulled my shield down to show him everything. He growled seductively against my mouth.

Without stopping the kiss, he grabbed my thighs and wrapped them around his waist. He walked further into the bedroom, not stopping until my back hit the wall. He pinned me tightly, his body rocking against mine in all the right ways.

I turned my face slightly to the side, breaking the kiss and freeing my mouth. He continued to trace kisses down my neck and over my shoulder. His hands began to caress my body.

"No," I panted, gently pushing his chest away from me, but not releasing the hold my legs had on him.

He pulled away sharply. His eyes still held the broken, lost look from earlier.

I shook my head, before grabbing his jaw gently between my hands. "I don't mean _no_. I just mean not now. Not like this."

"I don't understand," he admitted.

"I think you have something that belongs to me? At least I hope you still have it and you still want me to have it."

His look easily gave away his confusion.

I wiggled my left hand in front of his face. "Marry me, Edward?"

He smiled his lopsided grin and I knew that whatever else happened, we would be alright eventually.

Alice came bounding though the door less than a second later. She smiled at us but didn't seem to notice our currently compromised position, with Edward continuing to pin me to the wall.

"This is your one hour call," she announced.

"One hour call for what, Alice?" I asked. I felt Edward shake his head slowly.

"Your wedding," she responded, as if it should have been obvious.

Edward and I exchanged glances.

Alice looked at us both as if we were simple and sighed. "I told you that there were only two possible outcomes. Well, I had to plan for them both."

"What are you saying, Alice? That you've already planned a whole wedding?" I asked. "_Our_ wedding?"

She nodded. "You two have sorted things out." She finally acknowledged our position with a flourish of her hand. "The future is set."

I smiled at her confirmation that eventually things would be all right between Edward and me–not that I needed confirmation with his body pressed so tightly to mine.

"The event is already twenty years late, why wait any longer?"

"Alice, I don't think it's that simple," I declared, overwhelmed by just how much everything had changed since she'd called me less than a day earlier. "There are things we still need to discuss." I really hoped I didn't need to clarify to her that by _we_ I meant me and Edward, not the three of us.

Alice waved her hand dismissively.

"You will discuss them, but that's no reason not to get married. You two are _made_ for each other and your future is back on course. If you think I'm going to let either one of you stuff it up again you've got another think coming." She actually growled at us. "Bella, I'll be back in twenty minutes with your dress. Edward, you had better be gone by then." She disappeared as quickly as she'd appeared.

Edward and I stared at each other, bemused for a second before bursting into laughter. I pulled down my shield.

_Only in Alice's world would the fact we haven't really talked about _us_ not matter at all._

He rested his head against the side of my neck, slowly rubbing his nose along the contours of my shoulder. I had no doubt he was savouring my scent. I knew I was breathing deeply of him.

"Are you complaining?" he murmured. "I can stop her if you want?"

I moaned as he placed a few small kisses along my collarbone. "Not a chance," I growled.

He untangled my legs from his waist and pulled away from me when I found my footing. I watched as Edward reached under his shirt and pulled out a chain that I hadn't noticed earlier. He closed his fingers around the charm at the end of it before I had a chance to see it. He tugged gently on the chain and it snapped instantly under the strain. He paused for a moment.

"So you were lying to me the day you left?" he clarified.

I nodded. "I didn't want you to follow me…I thought…"

He held up one hand and waved it to silence me. "I know. I have one question."

I nodded. "You can ask me anything."

He opened his hand and my engagement ring was resting in his palms. He offered it to me. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

I nodded and smiled widely, relieved that he was still willing to have me. "There is nothing I want more in the whole world."

He smirked at me before taking my hand and sliding the ring onto my finger. His lips found mine. Everything felt right again.

We continued to kiss, his hand made its way into my hair and the other onto my waist. He clutched me tightly. I wondered whether he was afraid I would disappear again. The whole situation felt bizarre and surreal. I couldn't blame him in the least if he did feel that I could betray him again. I barely believed what had transpired myself, and I'd known my motivation since the beginning.

We held and kissed each other until Alice came back and tore us apart. She squeezed me into some designer bridal gown she'd managed to acquire, grumbling the whole time about how it was 'off the rack'. I wisely stood still while she moved around me in a flurry of activity. Eventually, I was declared 'ready' and led out of my room.

I followed Alice as she led me through the halls of the Volturi fortress. I couldn't reconcile the overwhelming joy I felt bubbling up inside of me with the remembrance of the sadness that had consumed me during my time there.

Finally, we emerged at the front entrance to a waiting limousine. I shot her a questioning look but she just grinned and indicated for me to get into the car. I relented and climbed inside, arranging my dress around me, delighting in the feel of the satin as it brushed along my fingertips.

The car drove fast through the countryside, heading down from Volterra into the valley below. Before long we were winding through vineyards and passing through county after county. I turned to Alice to ask how much longer but she just shook her head and pressed her finger to her lips.

"All in good time, Bella." She smirked. She was obviously thrilled about her little plan and was revelling in the suspense she was putting me through.

We'd been driving for almost an hour and I was beginning to get antsy. I'd lived apart from Edward for so long, and just when we'd finally reconnected, Alice had swept in to separate us to ensure our wedding went ahead, but when?

Finally, the car slowed. It was twilight. We drove slowly down a long drive lined with fairy lights. I felt my mouth drop open in surprise as I took in the sight. The limo stopped at the end of the drive and Alice pushed me out of the door. She spent a few more moments smoothing my dress and putting on the finishing touches; a few pieces of jewellery which I was advised had significance to Edward—I assumed they were more pieces once owned by his mother. Finally, Alice secured a small veil in my hair.

"There," she said finally. "_Perfect_, if I do say so myself."

"Alice…" I gazed in awe at the beauty in front of me, the decorations leading in a sweeping aisle. "You put all this together today?"

She shrugged. "I told you, there were two possible outcomes."

"So you had all of this planned before you knew for sure what was going to happen?"

She smiled and shrugged. "I had to do something on the plane."

The path leading around the back of the hotel was a wedding decorator's dream come true; tulle and fairy-lights covered the entire canopy and a small aisle had been created with white satin rope secured at regular intervals with posies of flowers –lilies and roses mixed with other, more colourful wildflowers.

My gaze travelled the length of the aisle until it landed on a small group of people gathered; Edward's family. _My_ family. In the centre of the gathering, standing tall and proud, as beautiful as the first day I saw him, stood Edward. My breath caught in my throat as I took in his appearance. My eyes trailed his body, clad in a black tuxedo. He stopped talking to Rosalie and turned to give me his full attention. He smiled appreciatively as he regarded my simple satin dress. It flowed elegantly from my shoulders, cut low in the front and back before falling dramatically to the ground.

I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from running to Edward, so I didn't. I practically flew the distance into his waiting arms. We'd only been apart for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was too long. I never wanted to leave his side again.

We took each other's hands and turned to Carlisle, who was standing in front of a makeshift altar. I followed Carlisle's lead and proudly stated 'I do' when asked if I wanted to take Edward's hand in marriage.

Our ceremony was simple, but by experiencing it we found healing. In each other, we found love. I was emotional and my voice quivered slightly as I recited my heartfelt vows.

"Edward, I offer you my love. I offer you my strength. I offer you my weaknesses. I offer you my support. I offer you my loyalty. I offer you my faith. For eternity and beyond, I offer you myself. I love you."

When it came time for the kiss, we found each other desperately. I heard noises all around me, but wasn't able to concentrate on them while Edward's lips caressed my own. When we broke apart, I noticed that his family had dispersed quickly, leaving us alone.

"Alice has a room for us," Edward murmured.

I heard cars start and his family leave. Suddenly, we were alone in our own little private honeymoon oasis. I had a moment of concern that we wouldn't be able to push the horrors that we'd encountered since parting out of my mind, but then Edward swallowed hard and reached out for me with one hand and my fears vanished. I nodded, knowing that this time when we came together, it would be about love and healing, not pushing aside heartache and plans to leave.

Edward led me toward our room. I followed him willingly, with no doubts in my mind. He pulled me into his arms when we reached the door and he kissed me once more.

_I love you, Edward Cullen_.

He smiled. "And I you, Bella Cullen."

His lips found mine again, wiping all thoughts from my mind. He swept my legs from beneath me, before carrying me across the threshold into our room—to our new life.

Gently, he placed me back onto the floor, but he continued to kiss me passionately. I moaned with desire as his hands caressed the back of my head. Slowly his left hand trailed down my neck and across my shoulder, pushing the strap of my dress down and allowing his lips unhindered access to my skin. He ran his mouth softly across my collarbone, and began to unzip my dress, painfully slowly, edging it down tooth by tooth. My breathing was heavy by the time he finally dropped the dress from my body.

He looked longingly at my near naked body, and trailed kisses down my chest, stopping to caress my breasts with his lips before continuing down, dipping lower until he was kneeling in front of me. His fingers curled around the waistband of my panties and his mouth pressed forward, his lips touched me softly through the material. Then he tugged gently and slowly pulled my panties off. I almost cried out at how torturously slow he was moving, but when I glanced down into his eyes I saw his reluctance to hurry. I wondered whether it was because of what happened after the last time. I wanted to tell him that I would never leave him again, but the time wasn't right. More than that, I knew no words would ever allay his fears or erase his pain, only time would heal him; and me.

I longed to undress him too and I wanted to consummate our marriage as quickly as possible, but instead I let him lead. I allowed him to control the speed. What he desired was at the forefront of my mind.

So I bombarded him with my thoughts of love and desire as his hands explored my body. Eventually he peeled his tuxedo away piece by piece and offered his hand to help me onto the bed. He moved over me until his body was aligned with mine. His hands brushed my hair away from my face and his eyes pierced into mine as he finally thrust himself forward into me. I cried out with relief and joy as his body joined perfectly with mine. Wordlessly we declared our love over and over. His pace sped and he clutched onto me tightly. His fingers dug into my skin as he caressed me as he thrust inside me. We moved together until we were both spent and Edward collapsed over me, kissing my mouth over and over.

"Wow," I said in a breathy whisper.

He grinned in response, rising onto his elbows to look at me. "Wow, yourself."

"In all the years we've been apart, I've imagined what it would be like if I got the chance to see you again."

His face betrayed his pain momentarily before it dissolved. "And how did I do?"

"Only in my wildest fantasies did it go this well," I admitted. "And even then…" _this was way better._

He chuckled.

"Did you think about us…reuniting?" I asked, fearing the answer, but needing to know.

He nodded. "So much. I've dreamed of something like this, but I thought they were just fantasies. I've thought about confronting you…even about hurting you," his voice dropped to a whisper as he admitted it. "But mostly, I just wanted the chance to ask you the questions I've asked myself since that day; what I did wrong and why you couldn't love me."

I dropped my eyes away from him. "I know." _I thought the same things when you left me. _I couldn't voice my thoughts, but my shield was down, so I didn't have to.

"I've made the mistake of doubting your love for me twice now." He looked crestfallen.

"You couldn't know." _You couldn't know how I really felt. Besides there was a time that I doubted you too. _

"So many mistakes,"he murmured.

I caressed his face with my hand. "By both of us."

"Can we make a promise to each other?"

_Anything._

"If anything ever threatens either of us again, we'll discuss it before making any decision. Then we'll face it side by side."

I nodded, brushing his hair back off his face. "That's an easy promise to make. I _know_ what it's like not having you by my side now. I don't ever want to face that again."

"I'm sorry I ever doubted your love. I should have known there was another reason you left," he murmured sadly.

I wanted to erase all trace of his pain. "I'm sorry for making that choice. I won't ever give you reason to question my love again," I promised.

"Me either."

I didn't care what else came our way. I would face anything with Edward because we were stronger _together_.

I kissed him softly, ready to take control and show him again just how much I missed him and how ecstatic I was that he was back in my life.

_Forever_.

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- Well we've come to the end of the chapters of this fic :*( There is an epilogue which will be (hopefully) not to far behind. And the beautiful robrator made me this pretty banner for this fic:- (check it out) yfrog(dot)com/kfdqc7j**

**Thank you everyone who has read, reviewed or just enjoyed this fic. I love hearing from you :)**


	23. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT for being my cheerleaders. _

_I have to say a huge thank you to Boydblog just because she's awesome and agreed to be my beta and whip this baby into shape. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped me refine it, but I may have broken it again, so any errors below are on me._

~ 0 ~

It was the day of my one-hundredth birthday.

I smiled; _a century down and forever to go_.

I thought back over everything since Carlisle changed me. I rarely dwelled on my regrets anymore. It hadn't taken me or Edward long to reach the conclusion that when you have every day of forever to look forward to, there is little point in dwelling on the pain of the past.

The two of us were preparing to embark on our annual pilgrimage to Volterra—a place I had once sworn I'd never return to, but which now held a special place in our hearts.

Our first return visit had been by the request of Marcus. He wanted to apologise formally for what had happened to me, and to many of the vampires whom I had served alongside. He also wanted us to act on his behalf and become official ambassadors to the wolves. He wanted to fix all of the mistakes that had been made under Aro's command.

Over the last eighty years, Edward and I, and by extension our family, had become integral members of the new Volturi. Together we educated Vampires about our way of feeding, to at least give them an alternative if they so desired. We didn't get complete conversion, but many vampires found our diet gave them a connection with their lost humanity and a freedom that they'd never experienced the old way. It was rewarding and helped to cleanse the memory of my twenty year torture in Volterra.

Edward pulled me out of my thoughts by wrapping his arm around my waist and squeezed me closer. "It's time to go, love."

I nodded, kissed him quickly and then walked towards the car.

We had spent the last eight months living separately as a 'newly-married' couple, but we'd moved only a short drive from where Esme and Carlisle lived. It was nice having space of our own, but we were also looking forward to the whole family living under one roof again when we moved on to the next town. It was already arranged that everyone else would move us on while we were holidaying in Italy.

Once we arrived at our family's house, we climbed from the car and held hands as we walked up the drive. I pushed the front door open and was completely unsurprised to find the house pristinely decorated from top to toe. I had expected it; after all, Alice had decorated the house just as impressively a few weeks earlier when we'd celebrated what used to be my human birthday.

Of course, after living with, or around, Alice for over eighty years, I had come to anticipate these lavish celebrations. Edward and I had renewed our vows at least ten times, each ceremony more extravagant than the last.

I bit my tongue and allowed Alice her fun. After the celebrations finished, I asked the burning question.

"So have we picked a destination yet?"

Carlisle smiled and nodded. "I think it's about time we returned to Forks."

Edward and I smiled at each other. We'd been asking to return to Forks for the last fifty-odd years; after all, it was were our story had begun.

~0~


End file.
